The Joker

Joke: What do you call a witch that lives at the beach?

Joke: How to you find Will Smith in the snow?

Joke: Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie?

Joke: When are relationships like algebra?

Joke: A friend kept telling me how immature I am so I told him to get out of my fort.

Joke: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

Joke: I wish my siblings would stop calling me "spoiled" just because I'm the baby in the family. The fact is, my parents kept having children until they found one they liked. It's so not my issue.

Joke: A king lived in a big beautiful glass castle in a most beautiful kingdom yet he spent his days collecting expensive thrones and saying bad things about everyone in his kingdom. So one day it all came crashing down and killed him all because he had stored all those thrones in the attic of his big glass castle. The moral of this story is people who live in glass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Joke: Where is a ghosts favorite place to live?

Joke: You said you were sick... No, I said I had a case of Corona.

Joke: The doctor said to me this morning, "I'd like to talk about your weight." I said, "Well, it was about 25 minutes, but at least the chair was comfy!"

Joke: A guy ends up in the emergency room from eating bad horse meat. The doctor told his family he's in stable condition.

Joke: What animal has more lives than a cat?

Joke: An elderly couple goes to a fast food place where they carefully split a burger and fries. A man takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal. ''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.'' A few minutes later, the guy notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he offers again. ''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.'' Unconvinced, the guy asks the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?'' The wife snaps back, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''

Joke: Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the world today were born in the 21st century... They're millennial falcons!

Joke: So you suffer from shyness? Do you wish you were sometimes more assertive? Ask you Doctor or Pharmacist about Tequila!

Joke: An Irishman walks into a bar and orders 3 pints of Guinness. He then proceeds to take a sip from the first, then a sip from the second, then a sip from the third, and starts again with a sip from the first, then second, and on. The bartender asks what he was up to, and he replied "I have 2 brothers, one lives in New York and one in Sydney, and since I can’t drink with them, I order 3 pints of Guinness and take a sip in turn from each one; and they also do the same in New York and Sydney" So each day the Irishman would come into the bar, order his 3 pints of Guinness and everyone got to know his story. One day, he walks in and orders only 2 pints of Guinness… The bar goes silent. Finally, the bartender approaches him and says "On behalf of everyone at the bar, I want to extend our condolences on the passing of your brother…" The Irishman replied, "Oh, no, it’s not that!! I just gave up drinking."

Joke: Two jumper cables walk into a bar and the bartender says you better not start something here.

Joke: Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Joke: Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

Joke: Some days you're the Dog, & Some days you're the Hydrant.

Joke: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?

Joke: A woman sued a Hospital stating that after a recent treatment her husband had lost all interest in sex. The Hospital in their defense stated... "All we did was correct his eyesight!"

Joke: A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Joke: Why does a Rooster crow so early in the morning?

Joke: When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Joke: A flock of Terns flew into my marijuana plants and ate most of them. There was no Tern unstoned.

Joke: It was in town last night and the local policeman was making his rounds, as he was checking the used car lot, he cam upon two old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it? Heavens no, we bought it. Then why don't you drive it away? We can't drive. Then why did you buy it? We were told that if you bought a used car here your would get screwed, so we're just waiting.

Joke: They Say We Can Have Gatherings With Up To Eight People Without Issues. I Don't Even Know Eight People Without Issues.

Joke: What did the egg say when the Easter Bunny told a joke?