The Joker

Question 1

Unusual Rabbit Joke

Question 2

Girl With Frog On Her Head Joke

What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Question 3

Don't Sit On The Toilet Too Long

A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand. His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while… Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy…i just haven't gone 'doody' yet." Mother says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?" Billy says: "works for ketchup."

Question 4

Amish Elevator

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father visited the city for the very first time. They wandered around, marveling at the different sights. Eventually, they got to a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but they were especially amazed at two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady passed between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… "Junior, go get your Mother."

Question 5

Doing The Impossible

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

Question 6

Fresh Thanksgiving Turkey

Shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!

Question 7

Drinking Problem?

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia, and learned that if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya.

Question 8

Mal Practice

A woman sued a Hospital stating that after a recent treatment her husband had lost all interest in sex. The Hospital in their defense stated... "All we did was correct his eyesight!"

Question 9

George Washington's Hatchet

Where did George Washington get his hatchet?

Question 10

What Do You Call A Cat Caught By The Police Joke

What do you call a cat caught by the police?

Question 11

A Flock Of Terns Flew Into My Marijuana Plants

A flock of Terns flew into my marijuana plants and ate most of them. There was no Tern unstoned.

Question 12

The Devil Called Down To Georgia

The Devil called down to Georgia, he was looking for some votes to steal. He was in a bind because he was behind and he was willing to make a deal.

Question 13

Egg And Easter Bunny Joke

What did the egg say when the Easter Bunny told a joke?

Question 14

Date Night Joke

I had a date last night and I really enjoyed it. So tonight I'm going to try a fig.

Question 15

She Missed Me Joke

She said she missed me. Normally, that would be good... But she's reloading.

Question 16

Easter Bunny Tail Joke

Where does the Easter Bunny go for new tails?

Question 17

What Is A Police Officer's Favorite Sweater Joke

What is a police officer's favorite sweater?

Question 18

Good In Bed Joke

I'm actually pretty good in bed. I hardly ever fall out anymore.

Question 19

Road Construction Joke

What do road crews use at the North Pole?

Question 20

Post Office Worker Joke

Paul got a part-time job at the Post Office. He was thrilled because he had been looking for employment for a while, without any luck. It wasn't long before his first day arrived, and he headed to the Post Office brimming with confidence. The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail. Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. His supervisor didn't understand how he was capable of working so fast but didn't question it. The supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day. "I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had." "Thank you, Sir," said Paul, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any better than you did today?" Paul replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."

Question 21

Safe Sex Joke

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot and killed by the woman’s husband.

Question 22

Kid At A Funeral Joke

When I was about 7 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the funeral of a friend of hers that I didn't know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the funeral to end. Then a man approached me and said: "Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine." He patted my head and left. Before leaving, my mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin. For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares. Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.

Question 23

Why Are There Pop-tarts But No Mom-tarts?

Why are there Pop-tarts but no Mom-tarts?

Question 24

Why Does A Lion Kneel Before It Springs?

Why does a lion kneel before it springs?

Question 25

Kids Cowboy Boots

The teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner than they got the boots off he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em." Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Question 26

Wife Owners Manual Joke

Anyone have an owners manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining noise.

Question 27

An Irish Prayer Joke

An Irishman was flustered about not being able to find a parking space. "Lord," he prayed, "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday." Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man said, "Never mind, I found one."

Question 28

Four Kidneys Joke

Did you know babies are born with four kidneys?

Question 29

Giraffe’s Favorite Fruit Joke

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

Question 30

Tomato Juice Is Good For You Joke

There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stock... and vodka.

The Joker

Unusual Rabbit Joke

Girl With Frog On Her Head Joke

Don't Sit On The Toilet Too Long

Amish Elevator

Doing The Impossible

Fresh Thanksgiving Turkey

Drinking Problem?

Mal Practice

George Washington's Hatchet

What Do You Call A Cat Caught By The Police Joke

A Flock Of Terns Flew Into My Marijuana Plants

The Devil Called Down To Georgia

Egg And Easter Bunny Joke

Date Night Joke

She Missed Me Joke

Easter Bunny Tail Joke

What Is A Police Officer's Favorite Sweater Joke

Good In Bed Joke

Road Construction Joke

Post Office Worker Joke

Safe Sex Joke

Kid At A Funeral Joke

Why Are There Pop-tarts But No Mom-tarts?

Why Does A Lion Kneel Before It Springs?

Kids Cowboy Boots

Wife Owners Manual Joke

An Irish Prayer Joke

Four Kidneys Joke

Giraffe’s Favorite Fruit Joke

Tomato Juice Is Good For You Joke

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