You might be a redneck if...?
Your screen door has no screen.
You might be a redneck if... you have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
Bubba and Johnny Ray were sitting on the from porch when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by. "I'm gonna to that when I win the lottery," said Bubba. "Do What?" asked Johnny Ray. "Send my grass out to be mowed!"
You Might be a redneck if... you cut the grass and find a car.
You might be a redneck if?
Your face mask is made up of coffee filters and duct tape.
1. I thought Graceland was tacky.
2. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
3. Do you think my hair is too big?
4. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
5. The tires on that truck are too big.
6. I've got it all on a floppy disk.
7. Do you think this baseball cap goes with this shirt?
8. Damned if that politician ain't honest!
9. We're vegetarians.
10. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
11. You can't feed that to the dog.
12. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. I just love the opera.
14. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
15. Wrasslin's fake.
You might be a redneck if... You are having marital problems because your wife never lets you win at arm wrestling.
You know you're a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister and he only has to shake one hand.
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"