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What do you get when you cross a chef and a meteorologist?
Someone who knows how to cook up a storm!
Why did the kitten smell so good?
It was wearing purr-fume.
What did the mom dinosaur say to the baby dinosaur?
Don't forget to fossil your teeth!
What do you get if you are allergic to noodles?
Macaroni and Sneeze!
Why does a lion kneel before it springs?
Because it's preying.
What do you call a cat that sucks lemons?
A sour puss.
How does an astronaut cut his hair on the moon?
Eclipse it.
Why are there Pop-tarts but no Mom-tarts?
Because of the pastry-archy.
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
When I was about 7 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the funeral of a friend of hers that I didn't know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the funeral to end. Then a man approached me and said: "Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine." He patted my head and left. Before leaving, my mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin. For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares. Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.
