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What do you get when you cross a chef and a meteorologist?

Someone who knows how to cook up a storm!

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Why did the kitten smell so good?

It was wearing purr-fume.

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What did the mom dinosaur say to the baby dinosaur?

Don't forget to fossil your teeth!

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What do you get if you are allergic to noodles?

Macaroni and Sneeze!

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Why does a lion kneel before it springs?

Because it's preying.

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What do you call a cat that sucks lemons?

A sour puss.

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How does an astronaut cut his hair on the moon?

Eclipse it.

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Why are there Pop-tarts but no Mom-tarts?

Because of the pastry-archy.

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What's the difference between snow men and snow women?

Snow balls.

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When I was about 7 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the funeral of a friend of hers that I didn't know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the funeral to end. Then a man approached me and said: "Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine." He patted my head and left. Before leaving, my mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin. For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares. Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.

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