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I'd tell you a fart joke... But I've run out of gas.

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I think I lost an electron... In fact, I'm positive.

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Nine out of Ten husbands agreed that their wives are always right... The 10th husband hasn't been seen since the study was conducted.

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Detective: How did this man drown?

He couldn't breathe underwater.

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Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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What kind of Doctor is Dr Pepper?

A FIZZ-ician.

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The devil shows up in a church and everyone runs out but an old man. The devil says, "Why don't you run, aren't you afraid of me?" The old man replies, "Nope, I'm married to your sister!"

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What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humphrey.

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Me: Please bring me a screwdriver. Wife: Flat head, Phillips or Vodka? And that is when I knew she was the one!

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I saw this guy at Starbucks. No iPhone, no tablet, no computer. He just sat there drinking coffee... like a psychopath!

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