Last updated:
One Liner Jokes
Sort Rating
Joke: Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Joke: A woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.
Joke: Why do psychics ask so many questions when they supposedly already know the answers?
Joke: I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
Joke: How do you slow down a running horse?
Joke: Here's a question for all you mindreader's out there.
Joke: Quitting Is Easy, It's Not Starting Again That's Hard.
Joke: Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.
Joke: Ever wonder why bottled water costs so much when there is so much of it?
Joke: Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Joke: I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong!
Joke: The religious right is neither.
Joke: The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Joke: Astronomy is looking up.
Joke: I have a joke about pizza... It's a little cheesy!
Joke: Cornona Virus, it's an inside joke.
Joke: Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Joke: If all else fails... lower your standards.
Joke: Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
Joke: If you go Skydiving, and your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to try to fix it.
Joke: Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.
Joke: Corduroy pillows, they're making headlines.
Joke: When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Joke: Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.
Joke: Some days you're the Dog, & Some days you're the Hydrant.
Joke: In-dis-tinct: Where one places dirty dishes (in the sink).
Joke: My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them!
Joke: If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
Joke: Does anyone remember the joke about a chiropractor I put on here about a week back?
Joke: I like to tell chemistry jokes, but I never get a good reaction.
Joke: I have a fear of speed bumps... I'm slowly getting over it.
Joke: Your pants won't get to tight if you don't wear any.
Joke: Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Joke: Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Joke: Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the crap out of them until the light comes on!
Joke: Comic sans implies the existence of tragic sans.
Joke: I have a horse named Mayo... Mayo neighs!
Joke: I respect giraffe’s... They’re an animal I can look up to.
Joke: Cremation is your last chance for a smoking hot body!
Joke: I went into a restaurant that served 'breakfast at any time'. So, I asked for French Toast in the time of the Renaissance.
Joke: Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds!
Joke: Always wanted to be a comedian but everyone just laughed at me!
Joke: My brother mounted a dartboard on the ceiling of his man cave. This made me throw up.
Joke: Bosses are like diapers. Full of shit and all over your ass!
Joke: I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.
Joke: Some people won't admit their faults. I would if I had any.
Joke: Yesterday a book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.
Joke: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Joke: A group of baboons is called a congress. (that is the joke)
Joke: No one is listening to you until you make a mistake.
Joke: I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.
Joke: If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.
Joke: Google must be a woman because it knows everything!
Joke: If your home doesn't have house numbers on it, you should address that!
Joke: I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something.
Joke: Two little people walk into a mini bar...
Joke: We are born naked, wet, and hungry... Then things get worse.
Joke: I don't mean to brag but cashiers are always checking me out.
Joke: A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff... Baa-dumm-tss.
Joke: Loosing weight doesn't seem like it's working, so I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.
Joke: My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"
Joke: I used to be a people person... but people ruined that for me!
Joke: You've all heard of TGIF - Thank God It's Friday, right? Well my Assistant refers to Friday as POETS day... Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday!
Joke: When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle.
Joke: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
Joke: Just read the CEO of IKEA was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.
Joke: Sometimes it takes me eight hours to get nothing done.
Joke: I'm reading a book called "Quick Money for Dummies", by Robin Banks.
Joke: Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands... No canaries there either.
Joke: When it rains do tall people get wet first?
Joke: If George is 68 and his girlfriend is 22, how much money does George have?
Joke: The only art coming out of you is in a fart!
Joke: To the person who invented bread. I'd like to propose a toast.
Joke: A Roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter, "five beers, please."
Joke: I tried to catch some fog... I mist!
Joke: Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Joke: Broken pencils are pointless.