I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
A woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.
Ever wonder why bottled water costs so much when there is so much of it?
Spell "evian" backwards.
Corduroy pillows, they're making headlines.
Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.
Cornona Virus, it's an inside joke.
Why do psychics ask so many questions when they supposedly already know the answers?
Astronomy is looking up.
I like to tell chemistry jokes, but I never get a good reaction.
Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.
I went into a restaurant that served 'breakfast at any time'. So, I asked for French Toast in the time of the Renaissance.
My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them!
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
Loosing weight doesn't seem like it's working, so I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.
I have a fear of speed bumps... I'm slowly getting over it.
You've all heard of TGIF - Thank God It's Friday, right? Well my Assistant refers to Friday as POETS day... Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday!
In-dis-tinct: Where one places dirty dishes (in the sink).
Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds!
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
What do you say to a person who says that they are going to tell on you?
Too late, I already told.
I used to be a people person... but people ruined that for me!
When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle.
Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.