Joke: A husband & wife are talking. Husband: "How many times have you cheated on me?" Wife: "Only twice." Husband: "Tell me about them." Wife: "Remember when you were very sick, and we didn't have money to pay for the doctor? Well, I slept with him." Husband: "That's not so bad; and the other?" Wife: "Remember when you were running in the elections, and you needed 450 votes?"
Joke: A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?" The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
Joke: A teacher in California asked her class, "How many of you are Republicans?" Everyone in the class raised their hands except for one girl. "Brian," the teacher inquired, "Why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Republican," she replied. "I'm a Democrat." The teacher asked her, "Why are you a Democrat?" And Brian said, "Well, my mother and my father are both Democrats, so I'm a Democrat, too." "Well," said the teacher in an annoyed tone, "That's no reason why you have to be a Democrat. You don't always have to be like your parents. What if your parents were both criminals?" "Then," Brian said, "We'd be Republicans."
Joke: A little boy goes to his father one day and says, "Daddy, what is politics?" "Well," his father replied, "let me try to explain it to you this way. Let's say that you're the people. I'm the breadwinner of the family so we'll call me the economy. Your mother is in charge so we'll call her government. Your nanny will be the working class, and your baby brother is the future. Now go think about that and see if you can understand." The boy thinks about it but doesn't really get it so he goes to bed. He wakes up in the middle of the night and hears his baby brother crying. He goes to check on his brother and sees that he has soiled himself but doesn't know how to change a diaper. He goes to his parents' room to wake them up, but only his mother is there, snoring loudly. He goes to the nanny's room instead and finds the door locked. When he looks through the keyhole, he sees his father in bed with the nanny. Frustrated, he just goes back to bed. In the morning, the boy goes to his father and says, "I think I understand politics now." "Good," says the father. "Let's see what you've come up with." "Well," says the boy, "While the economy is screwing the working class, the government is fast asleep, the people are being ignored, and the future is in deep shit."
Joke: A brother and sister are in a terrible car accident and the brother is badly injured. At the hospital the doctor tells the sister, "His brain is dead, but his pulse is still beating." The sister replies, "Oh no! We've never had a Republican in the family before!"
Joke: The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He answered it and listened intently. After a brief moment, his face lit up with a smile. He hung up the phone and immediately called his mother to pass along the good news. "Ma, the results are in," he shouted joyously. "I won the election!" "Honestly?" his mother replied. "Aw, gee, Ma, what a time to bring that up!" he said.
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