393 DAD JOKES

Question 1

Breakfast Bar

Whenever I try and eat healthy a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers!

Question 2

Pop Culture Joke

My whole life I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair... Somehow, I just knew.

Question 3

Professional Help

I think I need professional help...

Question 4

Aerobic Instructors Joke

How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Question 5

Ok Boomer

I don't know how to use TikTok, but I can write in cursive, do long division, and tell time on clocks with hands... so there's that.

Question 6

What Do You Do When Your Nose Goes On Strike

What do you do when your nose goes on strike?

Question 7

Melon Joke

Why do melons have weddings?

Question 8

Confucius Pun

Confucius say man who walks around with hands in pocket all day long feels cocky.

Question 9

Wearing Glasses With A Mask

Did you know that people who have to wear glasses with their mask... may be entitled to condensation.

Question 10

Grandpa Is Addicted To Viagra

I found out that my grandpa is addicted to Viagra... no one is taking it harder than grandma!

Question 11

Tick Joke

Why can't ticks keep a secret?

Question 12

Wise Man Vs A Fool Joke

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

Question 13

Elephant On A Highway

What was the elephant doing on the highway?

Question 14

Gardener Joke

I had to fire the guy who cut my lawn... He just didn't cut it!

Question 15

A Group Of Chess Enthusiasts

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Question 16

What Does Gays Mean?

I was watching TV, my son was in a chair behind me reading a book. He said "dad, what does gays mean?" I got nervous, I said, "well, you know how me and your mother loves each other, its the same thing but with two men." He said "oh, ok. What does penetrating gays mean." Looking confused I said read me the sentence. He read, "She stared at her husband with a penetrating gaze".....

Question 17

Mama Cow Joke

What do you call a mama cow after it had its baby?

Question 18

Hispanic Friends

I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends... It means a lot to them!

Question 19

Tom The Turkey Joke

Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!

Question 20

Small Lizard Joke

Why did the husband bring his wife a small lizard?

Question 21

What Part Of A Museum Has The Most Allergies?

What part of a museum has the most allergies?

Question 22

Clocks Go Back

Oh no! Clocks go back on November 1st. and I can't remember where I bought mine from!

Question 23

Chicken Salad Joke

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Question 24

Telling Dad Jokes

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

Question 25

Pensive Treat

Which tree is the most pensive?

Question 26

What's She Selling On The Beach Joke

A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing, she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks, the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife on the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said. "She's selling batteries." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the Seashore."

Question 27

You Only Need Two Tools

You only need two tools in life... WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40... If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape.

Question 28

Leprechaun's Garden Joke

Why do Leprechauns like to garden?

Question 29

Optometrist Music Joke

What music do optometrists listen to?

Question 30

Rabbi Circumcision Joke

Do you hear about the Rabbi who didn't charge for circumcisions?

Question 31

No Fault Of Mine Joke

Some people won't admit their faults. I would, if I had any.

Question 32

Bon Jovi Joke

Did you hear that Jon Bon Jovi is on a strict fruit diet?

Question 33

Funny Farm Animals Joke

What do you call farm animals with a sense of humor?

Question 34

Grease Joke

I told my therapist that I couldn't get the Grease Soundtrack out of my head.

Question 35

Blind Mans Friends

Why couldn't the blind man see his friends?

Question 36

Japanese Dog Hello Joke

How does a Japanese dog say hello?

Question 37

Three Trees And A Woodpecker

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech tree says to the birch tree, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever had my pecker into!"

Question 38

Umbrella Joke

What should you do with all your spare umbrellas?

Question 39

Tennis Joke

I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend... Love meant nothing to her!

Question 40

Popular Dance In 1776 Joke

What was the most popular dance in 1776?

Question 41

Butcher Overtime Joke

Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?

Question 42

Quitting Is Easy Joke

Quitting Is Easy, It's Not Starting Again That's Hard.

Question 43

Kidnapped By Mimes Joke

I was kidnapped by mimes... They did unspeakable things to me.

Question 44

Sith Who Won't Fight Joke

What do you call a Sith who won't fight?

Question 45

Ipad Thief Joke

The guy who stole my iPad... He should FaceTime!

Question 46

Taco Tuesday Joke

Seven days without a taco makes Juan weak!

Question 47

Stuck In A Corner

What stays in one corner but goes all over the US?

Question 48

Run Fast In New Shoes Joke

Not a single person asked me if I could run fast in my new shoes today. Being an adult is stupid!

Question 49

American Expenditures

According to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were college students.

Question 50

One-Armed Blonde

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

Question 51

Midnight Snack

I woke up to drink some water in the middle of the night and I accidentally ate a whole pizza and cheesecake.

Question 52

Laughing Dog Joke

What type a dog laughs at every joke?

Question 53

Why Is Z The Best Letter In The Alphabet Joke

Why is Z the best letter in the alphabet?

Question 54

Confident Vs. Confidential

A young boy asks his dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son; that's confidential!"

Question 55

Why Do You Still Carry A Comb?

I shaved my head when I started going bald years ago, but I still carry a comb... I just can’t part with it.

Question 56

Art Museum Joke

Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Question 57

Happy Dwarf Joke

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Question 58

French Stubbed Toe Joke

When French people stub their toe, do they say "Ow-Oui"?

Question 59

Pig With Ink On His Face Joke

Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

Question 60

Phone Call In Middle Of The Night Joke

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, "How am I supposed to know? We're 200 miles inland!" and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks, "Sweetheart, who was that?" "I don’t know, some dumb woman asking if the coast is clear."

Question 61

Left Side Cut Off Joke

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?

Question 62

Conspiracy Theorist Bar Joke

Two conspiracy theorist walk into a bar... Or do they.

Question 63

Why Did The Author Put On A Sweater?

Why did the author put on a sweater?

Question 64

Wisdom Comes With Age Joke

As you get older, you'll realize that a $300 watch and a $30 watch both tell the same time. A Micheal Kors wallet and a Forever 21 wallet hold the same amount of money. A $300,000 house and a $100,000 house host the same loneliness. A Ford will drive you as far as a Bentley. True happiness is not found in materialistic things, it comes from the love and laughter found with each other. Stay humble... the holes dug for us in the ground are the same size.

393 DAD JOKES

Dad jokes is a category which consists of jokes about you dad, his dad, someones dad, etc. Similar to Yo Mamma Jokes but for dads.

Breakfast Bar

Pop Culture Joke

Professional Help

Aerobic Instructors Joke

Ok Boomer

What Do You Do When Your Nose Goes On Strike

Melon Joke

Confucius Pun

Wearing Glasses With A Mask

Grandpa Is Addicted To Viagra

Tick Joke

Wise Man Vs A Fool Joke

Elephant On A Highway

Gardener Joke

A Group Of Chess Enthusiasts

What Does Gays Mean?

Mama Cow Joke

Hispanic Friends

Tom The Turkey Joke

Small Lizard Joke

What Part Of A Museum Has The Most Allergies?

Clocks Go Back

Chicken Salad Joke

Telling Dad Jokes

Pensive Treat

What's She Selling On The Beach Joke

You Only Need Two Tools

Leprechaun's Garden Joke

Optometrist Music Joke

Rabbi Circumcision Joke

No Fault Of Mine Joke

Bon Jovi Joke

Funny Farm Animals Joke

Grease Joke

Blind Mans Friends

Japanese Dog Hello Joke

Three Trees And A Woodpecker

Umbrella Joke

Tennis Joke

Popular Dance In 1776 Joke

Butcher Overtime Joke

Quitting Is Easy Joke

Kidnapped By Mimes Joke

Sith Who Won't Fight Joke

Ipad Thief Joke

Taco Tuesday Joke

Stuck In A Corner

Run Fast In New Shoes Joke

American Expenditures

One-Armed Blonde

Midnight Snack

Laughing Dog Joke

Why Is Z The Best Letter In The Alphabet Joke

Confident Vs. Confidential

Why Do You Still Carry A Comb?

Art Museum Joke

Happy Dwarf Joke

French Stubbed Toe Joke

Pig With Ink On His Face Joke

Phone Call In Middle Of The Night Joke

Left Side Cut Off Joke

Conspiracy Theorist Bar Joke

Why Did The Author Put On A Sweater?

Wisdom Comes With Age Joke

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

Final Memory Joke

Another Personal Trainer Joke

Dog Zoo Joke

Pig Write A Letter Joke

PhD In Dad Jokes

Zoo With No Dogs Joke

Why Did The Dragon Sleep All Day?

Talk In My Sleep Joke

Shrinking Clothes

Middle Age Joke

It's Illegal To Laugh Loudly In Hawaii Joke

Mother Of Jesus Joke

Clear The Table Joke