A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were invited to a party. On the way, the dumb blonde's car broke down. The smart blonde missed the bus. Two of Santa Claus' reindeer ran away. Who got to the party first?
The dumb blonde, because the other two don't exist!
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
A blonde buys a thermos. Two days later, she's back in the store and wants a refund. The sales person asks her why she's returning it. She replies, "Well, when I bought it, you said it would keep hot things hot and cold things cold, but yesterday I took some coffee and ice-cream to work for after lunch, and all that came out was a luke-warm slush!"
A blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor. Doctor: "What was your dream about?" Blonde: "I was being chase by a vampire!" Doctor: "(giggles quitely) So... what was the scenery like?" Blonde: "I was running in a hall way." Doctor: "Then what happened?" Blonde: "Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always came to this door, but I couldn't open it. I kept pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!" Doctor: "Did the door have any letters on it?" Blonde: "Yes it did." Doctor: "And what did these letter spell?" Blonde: "It said Pull!"
A young brunette goes into the doctors office and says that her body hurts whever she touches it. "Impossible", says the doctor. "show me". She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, she pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches make her scream. The doctor says, "Your not really a brunette, are you?" No, im a blonde, she says. "I though so", he says. "Your finger is broken."
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions - "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now... The 45th bus just went by!"
A blonde and her husband go to buy her new clothes. First, they decide she needs a new shirt, so they go through a few shirts but she rejects them all. Finally she points at one that she likes, but he thinks it is ugly, so he says no. They go through almost the whole store, and she says no to all of the shirts. Bored and annoyed, the husband finally goes up to the shirt she likes and generously "Fine, do you want this polo shirt?" The wife thinks for a few seconds and says "Oh, it's a polo shirt? In that case no, I'm really not into sports."
A blonde was asked to open up the coffee shop on Monday. So, the blonde went in early to open up. She gathered all the ingredients together, and had everything ready for the customers. Half an hour went by, and still no customers entered the coffee shop. The blonde decided to read the comics to pass the time. An hour later, her co-worker came in late as the blonde was still reading the comics. "Why does the sign say closed?" the co-worker asked the blonde. The blonde looked up from her comics, "Nah uh. It doesn't say closed. Look right there," she said pointing at the sign. "See, it says open."
A blonde lived on a farm. He didn't get many visitors, so I went to see him. . . when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock. I yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he was trying to win a Noble Peace prize. I said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock? "He replied, "I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Noble Peace prize was to be outstanding in your field. "
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?