The Joker

Joke: When I was about 7 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the funeral of a friend of hers that I didn't know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the funeral to end. Then a man approached me and said: "Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine." He patted my head and left. Before leaving, my mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin. For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares. Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.

Joke: The wicked witch from the south watches the watch that’s turning anti-clockwise, so now everyone knows now which witch watches what watch.

Joke: Why are there Pop-tarts but no Mom-tarts?

Joke: Why does a lion kneel before it springs?

Joke: Why can't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calculator?

Joke: I've been diagnosed with Kleptomania... but I'm taking something for it!

Joke: Did you know babies are born with four kidneys?

Joke: What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

Joke: What do you call a pool filled with tacos?

Joke: Why should golfers take an extra pair of socks when golfing?

Joke: Where does a turtle go when it's raining?

Joke: I was kicked out of my cooking class for stealing. I still think it was a whisk worth taking.

Joke: Why did the ghost have to leave the halloween party?

Joke: If you are ever attacked by a bunch of clowns just go right for the juggler.

Joke: I told my friend not to buy his shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with but he has been tripping all day.

Joke: What do walruses and Tupperware have in common? They both like tight seals.

Joke: My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him next time not to leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.

Joke: I yelled into a colander while cooking... now my voice is strained.

Joke: How do monsters like there eggs cooked?

Joke: Why did the illiterate witch get kicked out of the coven?

Joke: What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Joke: Which side of the sheep has the most wool?⁣

Joke: What do demons eat for breakfast?

Joke: Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if someone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back.

Joke: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?

Joke: Tips for winter driving. 1) Install winter tires. 2) Drive south. 3) Continue until you see palm trees. 4) Apply brakes and sunscreen.

Joke: Times New Roman and Helvetica walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type in here."

Joke: Whenever I'm sitting on a bench all by myself and someone I don't know sits beside me I just look straight forward and ask, "Did you bring the money?"

Joke: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?

Joke: A dog walks into a bar in the old west days and ends up in a fight. They go out in the street and in a shootout he gets his gun shot out of his hand. He comes back into the saloon the next day with his gun strapped on the other side and says .."I want to see the son of a bitch that shot my paw?"