The Joker

Joke Count: 1234
Joke: When I was about 7 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the funeral of a friend of hers that I didn't know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the funeral to end. Then a man approached me and said: "Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine." He patted my head and left. Before leaving, my mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin. For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares. Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.
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Joke: The wicked witch from the south watches the watch that’s turning anti-clockwise, so now everyone knows now which witch watches what watch.
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Joke: Why are there Pop-tarts but no Mom-tarts?
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Joke: Why does a lion kneel before it springs?
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Joke: Why can't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calculator?
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Joke: I've been diagnosed with Kleptomania... but I'm taking something for it!
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Joke: Did you know babies are born with four kidneys?
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Joke: What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?
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Joke: I have a fear of speed bumps... I'm slowly getting over it.
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Joke: What do you call a pool filled with tacos?
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Joke: Why should golfers take an extra pair of socks when golfing?
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Joke: Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
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Joke: I was kicked out of my cooking class for stealing. I still think it was a whisk worth taking.
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Joke: Why did the ghost have to leave the halloween party?
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Joke: If you are ever attacked by a bunch of clowns just go right for the juggler.
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Joke: I told my friend not to buy his shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with but he has been tripping all day.
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Joke: What do walruses and Tupperware have in common? They both like tight seals.
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Joke: My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him next time not to leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
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Joke: I yelled into a colander while cooking... now my voice is strained.
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Joke: How do monsters like there eggs cooked?
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Joke: Why did the illiterate witch get kicked out of the coven?
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Joke: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
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Joke: Which side of the sheep has the most wool?⁣
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Joke: What do demons eat for breakfast?
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Joke: Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if someone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back.
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Joke: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
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Joke: Tips for winter driving. 1) Install winter tires. 2) Drive south. 3) Continue until you see palm trees. 4) Apply brakes and sunscreen.
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Joke: Times New Roman and Helvetica walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type in here."
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Joke: Whenever I'm sitting on a bench all by myself and someone I don't know sits beside me I just look straight forward and ask, "Did you bring the money?"
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Joke: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
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