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National Jokes

The EU is much like a bad fart. Better out than in.

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Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili? If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!

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What's Irish and stays outside all year?

Paddy O'Furniture

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What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.

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Why did the French dog look in the toilet?

Wee wee.

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what do you call a gassy Scotsman?

Bravefart.

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A Kerryman emigrated from Ireland to England, thereby increasing the average IQ of both countries.

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What do you call a gassy greek?

A Fartin' Spartan.

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What do you call a farting Russian?

Vladimir Putin.

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An Irishman walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olive and placing it in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what the Irishman had done, "what was that all about?" "Nothin'," said the Irishman. "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

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An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: pepper only."

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I love eating German sausage, but it always gives me the wurst farts.

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Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican. They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazonians. The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Candian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The Canadian responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazonians haul the Canadian away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!, I will take my punishment like a real man!" says the Mexican, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. Finally, it's the Yank's turn and the tribal chief asks: "What will you take on your back?" And he responds - "I'll take the Mexican!"

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New Mexican word for today: Brief.

Today, my homie farted so hard, I could barely brief.

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