I grew up poor, you think I'm scared of limited food & a two week lock in? We called that "the end of the month" growing up.
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
I farted in a room of hipsters. I watched them fight each other over who heard it first.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's day?
Regular Rocks are too heavy!
What did one virus say to the other virus?
Keep away from me, I think I've got penicillin!
How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That's not funny!
You said you were sick... No, I said I had a case of Corona.
1) If COVID-19 doesn't take you out can I?
2) Is that hand sanitized in you pocket or are you just happy to be within 6ft. of me?
3) Since all the public libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead.
4) You can't spell virus without U and I.
5) Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because, I can be your Prince Charmin.
6) I saw you from across the bar. Stay there.
7) Without you my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf.
8) Hey Babe! Can I ship you a drink?
9) You can't spell quarantine without "U R A Q T".
10) I really can't stay.
11) Baby it's COVID-19 outside.
Neighbors house got TP'ed last night... Now it's listed on Zillow for $12.5 million.
I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, "Must be nice".