Word Play Jokes
Whenever I try and eat healthy a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers!
Hey, did you hear about the actress Reese... something, who commited suicide?
Reese Witherspoon? No, with her knife!
Why wouldn't they let the butterfly in to the dance?
Because it was a moth ball!
What did the pig dress up as for Halloween?
Frankenswine!
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!
Did you know that people who have to wear glasses with their mask... may be entitled to condensation.
How does a Japanese dog say hello?
Konnichi wa wa!
What do you get when a pig mixes two colours?
A pigment!
I told my therapist that I couldn't get the Grease Soundtrack out of my head.
He said, "Tell me more."
Where do cows go on Friday nights?
To the moo-vies!
What do you call farm animals with a sense of humor?
Laughing Stock!
I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends... It means a lot to them!
Since Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
Why do Leprechauns like to garden?
They have green thumbs!
Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?
To make ends meat.
Why would a pig dressed in all black never get bullied?
Because Batman is sworn to protect goth-ham!
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough... I've just handed in my TOO WEAK notice!
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
The Indepen-dance.
When French people stub their toe, do they say "Ow-Oui"?
What do you call a bunny rabbit with a lot of money?
A millionhare!
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog?
It was a shih tzu.
I hear there's now a sine flu as well. Someone on the news was going off on a tangent about it.
Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
What do you give your dog when you want it to be quiet?
Hush puppies!
Why did the husband bring his wife a small lizard?
Because she told him to go out and get her a baby monitor.
My wife asked me to clear the dining table...I had to get a running start but I made it!
What do you call an avocado in church?
Holy Guacamole!
Why did the pig stand in the middle of the road?
Because he was sooeecidal.
What does garlic do when it gets hot?
It takes its cloves off.
What building in your town has the most stories?
The Public Library!
Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia... It's going to be quite the dinosaur shin-dig.
Why don't marketers like trampolines?
They're scared of high bounce rates.
An agnostic dyslexic insomniac must stay awake all night long wondering if there really is a dog.
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I love cheesy jokes about eyes... The cornea the better!
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negatives?
He'd stop at nothing to avoid them.
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
I’m sweet on you.
I don't want to get to technical but... Chemists think alcohol is a solution!
What kind of cheese can never be yours?
Nacho Cheese!
If a pig loses his voice, does that mean he's disgruntled?
My neighbor told me he is a vegetarian... I told him I thought that was a big missed steak.
How do you know if a wooden box is sick?
If it starts coffin.
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
DoYouThinkHeSawUs Rex!
Why were the two science books holding hands?
They had chemistry.
Can you tie a knot? "I cannot." "So can you tie a knot?" "No, I cannot knot." "Not knot?" "Who's there?"
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Did you hear about the Super Hero with a lisp that always works out?
He’s Thor.
How to you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner. We found him-a-layan in the road.
What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?
Reptiles.
Where did George Washington get his hatchet?
At the chopping mall.
I've been diagnosed with Kleptomania... but I'm taking something for it!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
Does anyone remember the joke about a chiropractor I put on here about a week back?
People who confuse the words "burro" and "burrow" don't know their a$$ from a hole in the ground.
What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction?
Wander Woman!
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero!
Why did the snow plows ask for a raise?
Because they’re just scraping by.
Why are they called humming birds?
Because they can't remember the words.
What did the flag say to the flagpole?
Nothing, it just waived.
How do we know that trees poop?
Because there are number 2 pencils.
How do trees access the internet?
They log on!
Why are dogs like cell phones?
Because they have collar ID!
