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Word Play Jokes

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Joke:

Whenever I try and eat healthy a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers!

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Joke:

Hey, did you hear about the actress Reese... something, who commited suicide?

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Joke:

How many bites of the forbidden fruit did Adam and Eve take?

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I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

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Joke:

What is the funniest landscape?

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Joke:

What did the pig dress up as for Halloween?

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What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

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Joke:

Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!

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Joke:

Why can't ticks keep a secret?

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Joke:

Did you know that people who have to wear glasses with their mask... may be entitled to condensation.

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Joke:

Which tree is the most pensive?

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Joke:

Why do melons have weddings?

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Joke:

How does a Japanese dog say hello?

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Joke:

What do you get when a pig mixes two colours?

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Joke:

Why wouldn't they let the butterfly in to the dance?

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Joke:

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

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Joke:

I told my therapist that I couldn't get the Grease Soundtrack out of my head.

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Joke:

What music do optometrists listen to?

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Joke:

What kind of shoes does a frog wear?

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Joke:

Be careful when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner.

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Joke:

What do you call farm animals with a sense of humor?

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Joke:

I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends... It means a lot to them!

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Joke:

Where do cows go on Friday nights?

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Joke:

The guy who stole my iPad... He should FaceTime!

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Joke:

Why do Leprechauns like to garden?

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Joke:

Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?

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Joke:

Why would a pig dressed in all black never get bullied?

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Joke:

I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough... I've just handed in my TOO WEAK notice!

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Joke:

Since Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

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Joke:

What was the most popular dance in 1776?

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Joke:

Seven days without a taco makes Juan weak!

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Joke:

When French people stub their toe, do they say "Ow-Oui"?

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Joke:

Why can't you whisper in class?

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Joke:

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, "How am I supposed to know? We're 200 miles inland!" and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks, "Sweetheart, who was that?" "I don’t know, some dumb woman asking if the coast is clear."

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Joke:

Doctor says I have the Christmas flu. He called it tinselitis.

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Joke:

Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog?

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Joke:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

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Joke:

I have a joke about pizza... It's a little cheesy!

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Joke:

How do you steal a coat?

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Joke:

What do you give your dog when you want it to be quiet?

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Joke:

How did the computer die?

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Joke:

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "Two Prostitutes -- $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't stop them?!" "Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled . . . "Their sign pertains to religion." So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00."

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Joke:

I hear there's now a sine flu as well. Someone on the news was going off on a tangent about it.

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Joke:

Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

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Joke:

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

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Joke:

What building in your town has the most stories?

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Joke:

What do you call a bunny rabbit with a lot of money?

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Joke:

What does it take to get a PhD in Dad Jokes?

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Joke:

Why did the husband bring his wife a small lizard?

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Joke:

My wife asked me to clear the dining table...I had to get a running start but I made it!

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Joke:

When Gathering Berries... You have to be picky!

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Joke:

What do you call an avocado in church?

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Joke:

Why did the pig stand in the middle of the road?

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Joke:

What does garlic do when it gets hot?

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Joke:

What’s a pig’s favourite Shakespeare play?

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Joke:

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

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Joke:

Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia... It's going to be quite the dinosaur shin-dig.

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Joke:

Why were the two science books holding hands?

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Joke:

Why don't marketers like trampolines?

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Joke:

Why was the old woman forced to live in a shoe?

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Joke:

How late do cows stay up?

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Joke:

An agnostic dyslexic insomniac must stay awake all night long wondering if there really is a dog.

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Joke:

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

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Joke:

I love cheesy jokes about eyes... The cornea the better!

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Joke:

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!

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Joke:

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!

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Joke:

Midwives deserve a lot of respect... They really help people out!

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Joke:

Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner. We found him-a-layan in the road.

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Joke:

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?

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Joke:

How do you catch an unusual rabbit?

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Joke:

What kind of cheese can never be yours?

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Joke:

If a pig loses his voice, does that mean he's disgruntled?

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Joke:

My neighbor told me he is a vegetarian.⁠.. I told him I thought that was a big missed steak.⁠

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Joke:

How do you know if a wooden box is sick?

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Joke:

Why do bananas wear sunscreen?

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Joke:

I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.

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Joke:

Can you tie a knot? "I cannot." "So can you tie a knot?" "No, I cannot knot." "Not knot?" "Who's there?"

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Joke:

Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?

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Joke:

Did you hear about the Super Hero with a lisp that always works out?

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Joke:

How to you find Will Smith in the snow?

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Joke:

I was reading a book about lubricants... It was non-friction.

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Joke:

Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii... Or just a low ha?

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Joke:

I don't want to get to technical but... Chemists think alcohol is a solution!

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Joke:

Where did George Washington get his hatchet?

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Joke:

How do we know that trees poop?

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Joke:

I've been diagnosed with Kleptomania... but I'm taking something for it!

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Joke:

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

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Joke:

What do you call a trendy pig?

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Joke:

Does anyone remember the joke about a chiropractor I put on here about a week back?

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Joke:

Who is the most famous married woman in The United States?

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Joke:

I never finish anything... I have a black belt in partial arts.

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Joke:

I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress "Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?" She kicked me out and said, "The men I please are none of your business!"

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Joke:

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot and killed by the woman’s husband.

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Joke:

Does anyone know how to stop condensation in my home? Please call, the kettle is always on.

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Joke:

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

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Joke:

We should ban jokes about clones... they're all the same!

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Joke:

People who confuse the words "burro" and "burrow" don't know their a$$ from a hole in the ground.

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Joke:

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

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Joke:

Hey, that's not a dad bod... It's a father figure!

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