The Joker

Question 1

The Worlds Shortest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!" And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played a lot of golf, and drank beer and whiskey, and had loads of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up, and farted whenever he wanted. The End.

Question 2

Mosquito Killer

Only when a mosquito lands on your testicles... do you learn to solve problems without violence.

Question 3

Glass Coffins

Will glass coffins become popular? Remains to be seen.

Question 4

Calendar Pun

Two guys got caught stealing a calendar...they both got six months.

Question 5

Russian Roulette Joke

Five out of six people say Russian Roulette is safe.

Question 6

Frozen Windows Joke

A woman in Wisconsin texted her husband early one morning, "Windows Frozen". Husband texted back, "Gently pour lukewarm water on windows". Later wife texted back, "Computer REALLY messed up now".

Question 7

Begger

A man at the gas station asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give me one of those. So, I gave him my electric bill.

Question 8

Monkey And Bananas

A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Question 9

Pooped On

If a bird craps on your head, try to think positively. At least cows don't fly!

Question 10

The Speed Of Light

Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Question 11

Healthy Salad

I heard the more colorful your salad is, the better it is for you. So, I swapped my croutons for M&M's

Question 12

Glue Stick Vs Chapstick

I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of Chapstick She’s still not talking to me!

Question 13

A Blonde Goes To The Library

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far to many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarked, "So, you're the one who took out phone book!"

Question 14

Keeping Up With Traffic Joke

Cop: "You were going really fast". Me: "I was just trying to keep up with traffic". Cop: "There isn't any traffic". Me: "I know! That's how far behind I am".

Question 15

I've Sure Gotten Old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. Thank goodness, I still have my driver's license.

Question 16

Right And Left Brain

I finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: On the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Question 17

How To Catch Fog

I tried to catch some fog... I mist!

Question 18

Covid19 Shopping

They said mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.

Question 19

New Deodorant

I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said, "Remove cap and push up bottom." Now I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely!

Question 20

Poop Joke

Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes, but they are a solid number two.

Question 21

Time Travel Pun

I was time traveling yesterday but I got hungry, so I went back four seconds.

Question 22

Crabs Joke

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Question 23

Adopt A Pet

I need to re-home a dog. It's small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over the neighbor's fence and get it for you.

Question 24

How To Save A Choking Woman

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

Question 25

Not Shaking Hands

Some People aren't shaking hands because of the Coronavirus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper!

Question 26

Lockdown Update

Today I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it.

Question 27

Birds And Bees Joke

I feel bad for parents nowadays. You have to be able to explain the birds and the bees... The bees & the bees... The birds and the birds... The birds that used to be bees... The bees that used to be birds... The birds that look like bees... Plus bees that look like birds but still got a stinger!

Question 28

My Neighbor Is Stalking Me.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Question 29

When It Rains

When it rains do tall people get wet first?

Question 30

Smater Than A Talking Parrot

What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

The Joker

The Worlds Shortest Fairytale

Mosquito Killer

Glass Coffins

Calendar Pun

Russian Roulette Joke

Frozen Windows Joke

Begger

Monkey And Bananas

Pooped On

The Speed Of Light

Healthy Salad

Glue Stick Vs Chapstick

A Blonde Goes To The Library

Keeping Up With Traffic Joke

I've Sure Gotten Old!

Right And Left Brain

How To Catch Fog

Covid19 Shopping

New Deodorant

Poop Joke

Time Travel Pun

Crabs Joke

Adopt A Pet

How To Save A Choking Woman

Not Shaking Hands

Lockdown Update

Birds And Bees Joke

My Neighbor Is Stalking Me.

When It Rains

Smater Than A Talking Parrot

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