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Jokers
The Joker
Joke Count: 1232
Pooped On
Joke:
If a bird craps on your head, try to think positively. At least cows don't fly!
VOTE
Calendar Pun
Joke:
Two guys got caught stealing a calendar...they both got six months.
VOTE
Frozen Windows Joke
Joke:
A woman in Wisconsin texted her husband early one morning, "Windows Frozen". Husband texted back, "Gently pour lukewarm water on windows". Later wife texted back, "Computer REALLY messed up now".
VOTE
Healthy Salad
Joke:
I heard the more colorful your salad is, the better it is for you. So, I swapped my croutons for M&M's
VOTE
Monkey And Bananas
Joke:
A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
VOTE
Psychic Joke
Joke:
The other day I went to see a psychic. When I knocked on the door she shouted, "Who's there?" So I left.
VOTE
Mosquito Killer
Joke:
Only when a mosquito lands on your testicles... do you learn to solve problems without violence.
VOTE
Day 9 - Social Distancing
Joke:
Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems he's a web designer.
VOTE
Covid19 Shopping
Joke:
They said mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.
Punch Line
VOTE
Don't Drink And Ride
Joke:
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself, "What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break". So, I drank all the Scotch before I road home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.
VOTE
The Speed Of Light
Joke:
Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
VOTE
Ghost Day Car Joke
Joke:
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Punch Line
VOTE
Anti-Gravity Joke
Joke:
I bought a book on anti-gravity and just can't seem to put it down.
VOTE
Glue Stick Vs Chapstick
Joke:
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of Chapstick She’s still not talking to me!
VOTE
How To Catch Fog
Joke:
I tried to catch some fog... I mist!
VOTE
Right And Left Brain
Joke:
I finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: On the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
VOTE
I've Sure Gotten Old!
Joke:
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. Thank goodness, I still have my driver's license.
VOTE
A Blonde Goes To The Library
Joke:
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far to many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarked, "So, you're the one who took out phone book!"
VOTE
Keeping Up With Traffic Joke
Joke:
Cop: "You were going really fast". Me: "I was just trying to keep up with traffic". Cop: "There isn't any traffic". Me: "I know! That's how far behind I am".
VOTE
Lockdown Update
Joke:
Today I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it.
Punch Line
VOTE
Adopt A Pet
Joke:
I need to re-home a dog. It's small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over the neighbor's fence and get it for you.
VOTE
Halloween Screwdriver Costume Joke
Joke:
For Halloween I dressed up as a screwdriver... I turned a few heads .
VOTE
New Deodorant
Joke:
I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said, "Remove cap and push up bottom." Now I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely!
VOTE
Poop Joke
Joke:
Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes, but they are a solid number two.
VOTE
Time Travel Pun
Joke:
I was time traveling yesterday but I got hungry, so I went back four seconds.
VOTE
How To Save A Choking Woman
Joke:
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His brother said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"
VOTE
My Neighbor Is Stalking Me.
Joke:
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
VOTE
Not Shaking Hands
Joke:
Some People aren't shaking hands because of the Coronavirus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper!
VOTE
Build A Pyramid
Joke:
Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?" Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, yeah, up to a point."
Punch Line
VOTE
Happy Husband Joke
Joke:
Your job as a woman is to observe when your man is happy and immediately put a stop to that nonsense!
VOTE
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Joke Categories
116
Adult Jokes
🔞
9
Airline Jokes
303
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15
Baby Jokes
81
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100
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66
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9
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7
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13
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5
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405
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6
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56
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8
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53
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15
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21
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11
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121
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133
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6
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118
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24
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4
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171
Kid Jokes
10
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18
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7
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5
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10
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80
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6
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119
Misc Jokes
13
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23
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45
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5
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3
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78
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2
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4
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18
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22
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47
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77
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6
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234
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11
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79
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58
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5
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31
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29
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4
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32
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17
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26
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23
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441
Word Play Jokes
63
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53
Yo Momma Jokes
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