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Computer Jokes

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My computer doesn't understand me!

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What type of storage units do underwater computers use?

Trilo-bytes.

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How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.

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How did the computer die?

With a key stroke!

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A man called the computer company technical support because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone. "Hello. May I help you?" "Yes. I'm having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk." "I think I know what you should do." "Really?" "Yes." "What should I do?" "You should stop pressing the enter key."

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If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!

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Last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetive state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." They got up, unplugged my computer and threw away my wine! The little ingrates.

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Apparently you can't use "Beefstew" as a password... It's not stroganoff.

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A memory was something you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider home. A virus was the flu. A cd was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy... you just hoped nobody found out.

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How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.

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A woman in Wisconsin texted her husband early one morning, "Windows Frozen". Husband texted back, "Gently pour lukewarm water on windows". Later wife texted back, "Computer REALLY messed up now".

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What do you call a computer hero?

A screen saver!

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