My computer doesn't understand me!
What type of storage units do underwater computers use?
How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.
How did the computer die?
With a key stroke!
A man called the computer company technical support because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone. "Hello. May I help you?" "Yes. I'm having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk." "I think I know what you should do." "Really?" "Yes." "What should I do?" "You should stop pressing the enter key."
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!
Last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetive state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." They got up, unplugged my computer and threw away my wine! The little ingrates.
Apparently you can't use "Beefstew" as a password... It's not stroganoff.
A memory was something you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider home. A virus was the flu. A cd was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy... you just hoped nobody found out.
How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. That's a hardware problem.
A woman in Wisconsin texted her husband early one morning, "Windows Frozen". Husband texted back, "Gently pour lukewarm water on windows". Later wife texted back, "Computer REALLY messed up now".
What do you call a computer hero?
A screen saver!