The Joker

Question 1

An Irish Prayer Joke

An Irishman was flustered about not being able to find a parking space. "Lord," he prayed, "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday." Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man said, "Never mind, I found one."

Question 2

Giraffe’s Favorite Fruit Joke

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

Question 3

Tomato Juice Is Good For You Joke

There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stock... and vodka.

Question 4

Sick Wooden Box Joke

How do you know if a wooden box is sick?

Question 5

Wine Bottles

They should put more wine in a bottle... so there's enough for two people.

Question 6

Talking Tree Pun

A lumberjack walks into the woods and goes to cut down a tree with his ax. The tree shout out "hey wait I'm a talking tree". The lumberjack responds "you may be a talking tree but you'll dialogue".

Question 7

Must Give Up

An Angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking, and unmarried sex if she wanted to get into heaven. The woman said she would try her best. The Angel visited the woman a month later to see how she was getting on. "Not bad," said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but when I bent over to look in the freezer, my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs in high heels and he pulled up my skirt and made love to me right then and there." "They don't like that in heaven", said the Angel. The woman replied: "They're not crazy about it in Costco either."

Question 8

Agnostic Dyslexic Insomniac

An agnostic dyslexic insomniac must stay awake all night long wondering if there really is a dog.

Question 9

Walruses And Tupperware Joke

What do walruses and Tupperware have in common? They both like tight seals.

Question 10

High Blood Pressure

My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him next time not to leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.

Question 11

Cooking Joke

I yelled into a colander while cooking... now my voice is strained.

Question 12

Sheep Wool Joke

Which side of the sheep has the most wool?⁣

Question 13

Kissed By A Vampire Joke

What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?

Question 14

Ghosts Are Terrible Liars Joke

Why are ghosts terrible liars?

Question 15

Your Type

Times New Roman and Helvetica walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type in here."

Question 16

Witch At The Beach Joke

What do you call a witch that lives at the beach?

Question 17

Whats Draculas Favorite Streaming Service Joke

What's Dracula's favorite streaming service?

Question 18

Skeleton Scary Movie Joke

Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie?

Question 19

A King In A Big Glass Castle

A king lived in a big beautiful glass castle in a most beautiful kingdom yet he spent his days collecting expensive thrones and saying bad things about everyone in his kingdom. So one day it all came crashing down and killed him all because he had stored all those thrones in the attic of his big glass castle. The moral of this story is people who live in glass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Question 20

Ghost Favorite Place To Live Joke

Where is a ghosts favorite place to live?

Question 21

Geico Pun

if Geico ever fired the gecko that would be a reptile disfunction.

Question 22

Talk About Your Weight Joke

The doctor said to me this morning, "I'd like to talk about your weight." I said, "Well, it was about 25 minutes, but at least the chair was comfy!"

Question 23

Thinks He's A Chicken Joke

I have a friend that's a little nuts. He thinks he is a chicken sometimes. I probably wouldn't hang around with him much but I can use the eggs.

Question 24

Restaurant On The Moon Pun

I would never open a restaurant on the moon....no atmosphere.

Question 25

More Lives Than A Cat Joke

What animal has more lives than a cat?

Question 26

Lesbian With Long Nails

What do you call a lesbian with long nails?

Question 27

Political Term Limits

A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail.

Question 28

High Standards

If all else fails... lower your standards.

Question 29

Do It Right The First Time

Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.

Question 30

The Loan Ranger And Tonto Go Into A Saloon

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do....Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" "Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"

The Joker

An Irish Prayer Joke

Giraffe’s Favorite Fruit Joke

Tomato Juice Is Good For You Joke

Sick Wooden Box Joke

Wine Bottles

Talking Tree Pun

Must Give Up

Agnostic Dyslexic Insomniac

Walruses And Tupperware Joke

High Blood Pressure

Cooking Joke

Sheep Wool Joke

Kissed By A Vampire Joke

Ghosts Are Terrible Liars Joke

Your Type

Witch At The Beach Joke

Whats Draculas Favorite Streaming Service Joke

Skeleton Scary Movie Joke

A King In A Big Glass Castle

Ghost Favorite Place To Live Joke

Geico Pun

Talk About Your Weight Joke

Thinks He's A Chicken Joke

Restaurant On The Moon Pun

More Lives Than A Cat Joke

Lesbian With Long Nails

Political Term Limits

High Standards

Do It Right The First Time

The Loan Ranger And Tonto Go Into A Saloon

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