The Joker

Question 1

Here's Your Sign

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied... "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. ..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"

Question 2

Halloween Up All Night Joke

What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?

Question 3

A Room Ghosts Avoid Joke

What room do ghost avoid?

Question 4

The Favorite Child

I wish my siblings would stop calling me "spoiled" just because I'm the baby in the family. The fact is, my parents kept having children until they found one they liked. It's so not my issue.

Question 5

Dolly Parton Diet

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!

Question 6

Banana Sunscreen Joke

Why do bananas wear sunscreen?

Question 7

Can You Read This?

If you can't read it then pull the side of your eyes while reading it, like you are Japanese, it will come to you.

Question 8

My Best Friend And My Wife Joke

"Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Steve." Said, Roger. Brian replied, "Since when is Steve your best friend?" Roger replied, "Since yesterday."

Question 9

Dying Computer Joke

How did the computer die?

Question 10

Terrible Things You Do For Money

I've done some terrible things for money... Like getting up early to go to work.

Question 11

Keep A Bottle Of Wine In The Fridge Joke

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions... Sometimes the special occasion is that you have a bottle of wine in the fridge!

Question 12

Irish Jesus Joke

Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?

Question 13

Child Extortion

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."

Question 14

Finishing Up Yesterdays Work Joke

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing up what I did yesterday.

Question 15

Chemist Joke

I don't want to get to technical but... Chemists think alcohol is a solution!

Question 16

Mom's Lunch Joke

What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?

Question 17

Red, White, Blue And Green Joke

What's red, white and blue, and green?

Question 18

Not Your Cheese Joke

What kind of cheese can never be yours?

Question 19

I'm Giving Up

I'm posting this with a heavy heart... As much as I love photography and everything that comes with it, it is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of cleaning, cooking, and maintaining the home. So something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my gear. Below is a list of what is available. Serious inquiries only, no stupid offers please. Thanks for reading and understanding. Here is what I have for sale: 1. Vacuum cleaner 2. Dustpan and brush 3. Mop and bucket 4. Cat 5. Iron 6. Laundry detergent 7. Various Mr Muscle products Thank you.

Question 20

User Car Dealer Joke

It was in town last night and the local policeman was making his rounds, as he was checking the used car lot, he cam upon two old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it? Heavens no, we bought it. Then why don't you drive it away? We can't drive. Then why did you buy it? We were told that if you bought a used car here your would get screwed, so we're just waiting.

Question 21

Electric Car License

Does anybody know if you need a current driver's license to drive an electric car?

Question 22

Weed And Books

If you smoke weed, you get high. If you read books, you get educated. If you do both, you get highly educated.

Question 23

Lawyer And The Stop Sign Joke

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big-shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Now tell me, do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Question 24

Why Do You Call A Cougar Thats Into Anal?

Why do you call a cougar thats into anal?

Question 25

A Woman Scorn

A Woman tried to cut off her lover's penis, missed and cut his thigh, charged with a misdaweiner.

Question 26

What Did The Egg Say To The Boing Water Joke

What did the egg say to the boing water?

Question 27

She's A Keeper!

A note from my wife. "Hey Sweetie, I'm at work. Dinner is on the stove, you only have to light it, the gas is already turned on. Love you XOXO!

Question 28

Trees Poop Joke

How do we know that trees poop?

Question 29

Hot Garlic Joke

What does garlic do when it gets hot?

Question 30

Marshmallow Dream Joke

Last night dreamt I was eating giant marshmallows. When I woke up this morning my pillows were gone.

The Joker

Here's Your Sign

Halloween Up All Night Joke

A Room Ghosts Avoid Joke

The Favorite Child

Dolly Parton Diet

Banana Sunscreen Joke

Can You Read This?

My Best Friend And My Wife Joke

Dying Computer Joke

Terrible Things You Do For Money

Keep A Bottle Of Wine In The Fridge Joke

Irish Jesus Joke

Child Extortion

Finishing Up Yesterdays Work Joke

Chemist Joke

Mom's Lunch Joke

Red, White, Blue And Green Joke

Not Your Cheese Joke

I'm Giving Up

User Car Dealer Joke

Electric Car License

Weed And Books

Lawyer And The Stop Sign Joke

Why Do You Call A Cougar Thats Into Anal?

A Woman Scorn

What Did The Egg Say To The Boing Water Joke

She's A Keeper!

Trees Poop Joke

Hot Garlic Joke

Marshmallow Dream Joke

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