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Jokers
The Joker
Joke Count: 1229
Here's Your Sign
Joke:
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied... "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. ..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"
VOTE
Halloween Up All Night Joke
Joke:
What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?
Punch Line
VOTE
A Room Ghosts Avoid Joke
Joke:
What room do ghost avoid?
Punch Line
VOTE
The Favorite Child
Joke:
I wish my siblings would stop calling me "spoiled" just because I'm the baby in the family. The fact is, my parents kept having children until they found one they liked. It's so not my issue.
VOTE
Dolly Parton Diet
Joke:
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!
VOTE
Banana Sunscreen Joke
Joke:
Why do bananas wear sunscreen?
Punch Line
VOTE
Can You Read This?
Joke:
If you can't read it then pull the side of your eyes while reading it, like you are Japanese, it will come to you.
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My Best Friend And My Wife Joke
Joke:
"Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Steve." Said, Roger. Brian replied, "Since when is Steve your best friend?" Roger replied, "Since yesterday."
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Dying Computer Joke
Joke:
How did the computer die?
Punch Line
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Terrible Things You Do For Money
Joke:
I've done some terrible things for money... Like getting up early to go to work.
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Keep A Bottle Of Wine In The Fridge Joke
Joke:
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions... Sometimes the special occasion is that you have a bottle of wine in the fridge!
VOTE
Irish Jesus Joke
Joke:
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?
Punch Line
VOTE
Child Extortion
Joke:
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."
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Finishing Up Yesterdays Work Joke
Joke:
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing up what I did yesterday.
VOTE
Chemist Joke
Joke:
I don't want to get to technical but... Chemists think alcohol is a solution!
VOTE
Mom's Lunch Joke
Joke:
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Punch Line
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Red, White, Blue And Green Joke
Joke:
What's red, white and blue, and green?
Punch Line
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Not Your Cheese Joke
Joke:
What kind of cheese can never be yours?
Punch Line
VOTE
I'm Giving Up
Joke:
I'm posting this with a heavy heart... As much as I love photography and everything that comes with it, it is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of cleaning, cooking, and maintaining the home. So something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my gear. Below is a list of what is available. Serious inquiries only, no stupid offers please. Thanks for reading and understanding. Here is what I have for sale: 1. Vacuum cleaner 2. Dustpan and brush 3. Mop and bucket 4. Cat 5. Iron 6. Laundry detergent 7. Various Mr Muscle products Thank you.
VOTE
User Car Dealer Joke
Joke:
It was in town last night and the local policeman was making his rounds, as he was checking the used car lot, he cam upon two old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it? Heavens no, we bought it. Then why don't you drive it away? We can't drive. Then why did you buy it? We were told that if you bought a used car here your would get screwed, so we're just waiting.
VOTE
Electric Car License
Joke:
Does anybody know if you need a current driver's license to drive an electric car?
VOTE
Lawyer And The Stop Sign Joke
Joke:
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big-shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Now tell me, do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
VOTE
Why Do You Call A Cougar Thats Into Anal?
Joke:
Why do you call a cougar thats into anal?
Punch Line
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A Woman Scorn
Joke:
A Woman tried to cut off her lover's penis, missed and cut his thigh, charged with a misdaweiner.
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What Did The Egg Say To The Boing Water Joke
Joke:
What did the egg say to the boing water?
Punch Line
VOTE
She's A Keeper!
Joke:
A note from my wife. "Hey Sweetie, I'm at work. Dinner is on the stove, you only have to light it, the gas is already turned on. Love you XOXO!
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Trees Poop Joke
Joke:
How do we know that trees poop?
Punch Line
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Hot Garlic Joke
Joke:
What does garlic do when it gets hot?
Punch Line
VOTE
Marshmallow Dream Joke
Joke:
Last night dreamt I was eating giant marshmallows. When I woke up this morning my pillows were gone.
VOTE
Shrinking Clothes
Joke:
All this time I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. It turns out it was the refrigerator!
VOTE
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Joke Categories
115
Adult Jokes
🔞
9
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300
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15
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81
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100
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66
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9
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7
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13
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5
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399
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6
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56
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8
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52
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15
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21
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11
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122
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6
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118
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24
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4
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171
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10
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18
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5
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23
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43
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5
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3
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78
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2
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18
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22
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46
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77
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6
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79
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5
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31
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29
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4
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32
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17
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26
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23
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441
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63
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53
Yo Momma Jokes
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