Finally! That new joke you have waiting on to brighten up your day and bring laughs to your friends and family! Be the first “joker” in your group to take a crack at these new jokes! Check back often as new jokes are added dailly.  You may also be interested in ultimate jokes list or the highest rated jokes.

Joke: What type a dog laughs at every joke?
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Joke: How do you get a squirrel to love you?
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Joke: What exercise do sheep do everyday to stay fit?
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Joke: Why was the spider using the computer?
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Joke: What's a cats favorite color?
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Joke: What's in the middle of a jellyfish?
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Joke: Where do polar bears vote?
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Joke: How does a mouse feel after taking a shower?
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Joke: What do you call a thieving alligator?
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Joke: What kind of bird works at a construction site?
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Joke: What sport do horses like playing the most?
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Joke: Why did the two elephants decide not to go swimming together?
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Joke: Which cow is the best dancer?
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Joke: What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine's Day?
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Joke: Knock, knock. Who's there? Owl. Owl who? Owl always love you!
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Joke: Standing on the edge of the lake, someone shouted across "How do you get to the other side?"
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Joke: Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
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Joke: Why should you never break up with a goalie?
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Joke: Are you a banana?
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Joke: Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
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Joke: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
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Joke: Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?
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Joke: After dying in a car crash, three friends went to Heaven for an orientation session. They were all asked the same question: When you were in your casket and your family and friends were mourning over you, what would you like to hear when they talk about you? The first guy responded: "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest doctors of my time and a great family man." The second guy said: "I would love to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow" Then the third guy thought for a while and then replied: "I guess I'd like to hear them say: 'Look.. he's moving"
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Joke: So, a duck walks into a bar. It asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender replies, "No? I mean this is a bar. We don't really sell that kind of stuff..." So the duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back in. "Got any grapes?" the duck asks. "No," The bartender says of annoyed. The duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Got any grapes?" Finally, the bartender has had enough. "NO! We don't have any grapes. If you come in one more time asking if you've got any grapes, I'll nail your bill to the wall!" The duck leaves. The next day it comes back and says, "Got any nails?" The bartender replies, "No?" Then the duck says, "Got any grapes?"
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Joke: Yesterday a book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.
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Joke: Why Did The Dear Need Braces?
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Joke: What do you call a small Valentine?
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Joke: What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?
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Joke: What did one penny say to the other penny on Valentine's day?
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Joke: I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me!
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Joke: I couldn't understand why I couldn't lose weight. Turns out there were saying KETO, not Cheeto!
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Joke: For the new year, I've been trying intermittent fasting. So far I'm up to 12 minutes without eating and to be honest, I love the results!
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Joke: I try to avoid things that make me fat... Like scales, mirrors, and photographs!
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Joke: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
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Joke: What did the kitten say when it's cat food was stolen?
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Joke: How much did Santa pay to park his sleigh?
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Joke: Who is Santa's favorite singer?
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Joke: What do snowmen have for breakfast?
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Joke: Who hides in the bakery at christmas?
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Joke: What is my mommy and daddy’s favorite Christmas carol?
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Joke: What soft drink do pigs like best?
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Joke: Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
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Joke: Two men walked into a bar...
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Joke: How can you tell when someone in the room owns a Peloton Bike?
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Joke: Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color?
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Joke: I'm reading a book called "Quick Money for Dummies", by Robin Banks.
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Joke: Pat is at the airport with a sack over each shoulder. When he is stopped at customs they fin that both sacks are full of mobile phones. When asked why Pat said, "Well, while I was on my travels in America, I got a phone call from my mate Mick and he told me he was starting a Jazz band and could I bring him two saxophones."
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Joke: I went to church today and the preacher came over to me and said, "You will walk today." I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but he said it again with more enthusiasm. After the service, I went outside and my car was gone!
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Joke: Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean. One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area: Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn... He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again," Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian."
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Joke: I was kidnapped by mimes... They did unspeakable things to me.
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Joke: Not a single person asked me if I could run fast in my new shoes today. Being an adult is stupid!
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Joke: "Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Steve." Said, Roger. Brian replied, "Since when is Steve your best friend?" Roger replied, "Since yesterday."
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Joke: A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.
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Joke: Out of all the inventions over the last 100 years, the dry erase board is the most remarkable.
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Joke: My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.
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Joke: The doctor said to me this morning, "I'd like to talk about your weight." I said, "Well, it was about 25 minutes, but at least the chair was comfy!"
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Joke: Deep In the backwoods of Tennessee, a man's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes, he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The man scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?
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Joke: According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 3 days till Christmas
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Joke: So, I was at Walmart earlier. A lady was looking at the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" He replies with a straight face, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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Joke: Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes, and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said, " I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
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Joke: Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?
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Joke: For Halloween I dressed up as a screwdriver... I turned a few heads .
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Joke: How much does a pirate pay for corn?
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Joke: What's a skeleton's favorite thing to order at a restaruant?
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Joke: What position does a ghost play on his hockey team?
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Joke: What can you find in a ghost's nose?
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Joke: Why didn't the ghost eat his candy?
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Joke: Where is a ghosts favorite place to live?
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Joke: What do you call a gang of ghosts?
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Joke: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
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Joke: What Do You Get If You Cross Bambi With A Ghost?
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Joke: Why didn't the zombie like his new house?
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Joke: What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?
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Joke: What room do ghost avoid?
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Joke: What's a witch's favorite subject in school?
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Joke: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
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Joke: Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie?
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Joke: What's a monster's favorite play?
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Joke: What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging?
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Joke: What do witches put on to go trick or treating?
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Joke: What do you call a witch that lives at the beach?
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Joke: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
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Joke: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
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Joke: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
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Joke: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
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Joke: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
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Joke: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
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Joke: Why are ghosts terrible liars?
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Joke: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
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Joke: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
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Joke: What do demons eat for breakfast?
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Joke: Why are skeletons so calm?
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Joke: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
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Joke: What did the Jack-O-Lantern say to the pumpkin?
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Joke: Why did the illiterate witch get kicked out of the coven?
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Joke: Where do ghost's go on vacation?
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Joke: What do skeletons travel around in?
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Joke: Why are graveyards so noisy?
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Joke: How do monsters like there eggs cooked?
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