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How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.

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One day a blonde came home from work early and when she walked into her house, she saw her husband in bed with another woman. She pulls her gun out of her purse and points it to her head. Her husband screams, "NO DON'T DO IT! I'm sorry!" To which the blonde replies "SHUT UP! You're next!"

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I'd tell you a fart joke... But I've run out of gas.

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I think I lost an electron... In fact, I'm positive.

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Nine out of Ten husbands agreed that their wives are always right... The 10th husband hasn't been seen since the study was conducted.

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Detective: How did this man drown?

He couldn't breathe underwater.

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Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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What kind of Doctor is Dr Pepper?

A FIZZ-ician.

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The devil shows up in a church and everyone runs out but an old man. The devil says, "Why don't you run, aren't you afraid of me?" The old man replies, "Nope, I'm married to your sister!"

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What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humphrey.

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