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Puns

He who farts In church, sits In his own pew.

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Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

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If you boil a funny bone, it's a laughing stock, that's humerous!

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So my buddy always looks at me when he farts. I think it's just inflatuation.

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I'm a fartartist. The fart is silent

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I asked my wife if she was going to make a sword out of my fart in bed last night. Cuz she schmelt it!

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Farts I hold in! You might not get it. It's sort of an inside joke.

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There was a congregation that decided to have four worship services each Sunday. There was one for those new to the faith. Another for those who liked traditional worship. One for those who had lost their faith and would like to get it back. And another for those who had a bad experience with church and were complaining about it. They have names for each of the services: "Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers."

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I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness' but it doesn't work.

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Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

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A man's wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man's wife began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!!" The man said, "Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" The doctor replied, "Nothing. She's just having contractions."

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I had a happy childhood; Dad would roll me down the hill in a tire. Those were Goodyears.

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I was startled by a loud fart. I was fartled.

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I once farted in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

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Why did the pencil cross the road?

It was lead!

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I broke my finger last week. . .

…On the other hand, I'm ok!

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A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

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Why are hairdressers always on time?

Because they know all the short cuts!

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I tried to catch some fog... I mist!

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