If you boil a funny bone, it's a laughing stock, that's humerous!
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness' but it doesn't work.
He who farts In church, sits In his own pew.
Do you know the difference between a fart and a pun?
A pun is a shift of wit.
There was a congregation that decided to have four worship services each Sunday. There was one for those new to the faith. Another for those who liked traditional worship. One for those who had lost their faith and would like to get it back. And another for those who had a bad experience with church and were complaining about it. They have names for each of the services: "Finders, Keepers, Losers, Weepers."
I asked my wife if she was going to make a sword out of my fart in bed last night. Cuz she schmelt it!
So my buddy always looks at me when he farts. I think it's just inflatuation.
I'm a fartartist. The fart is silent
Farts I hold in! You might not get it. It's sort of an inside joke.
Farts are ghosts of things we eat!
Emotions are like farts. You can only hold them in for so long.
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
I was startled by a loud fart. I was fartled.
A man's wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man's wife began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!!" The man said, "Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" The doctor replied, "Nothing. She's just having contractions."
Why did the pencil cross the road?
It was lead!
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
I once farted in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.
I broke my finger last week. . .
…On the other hand, I'm ok!
Why are hairdressers always on time?
Because they know all the short cuts!
I tried to catch some fog... I mist!