233 PUNS

Question 1

Antennas Pun

Two antennas got married yesterday. The wedding was just ok but the reception was really good.

Question 2

Startled By A Loud Fart

I was startled by a loud fart. I was fartled.

Question 3

Girlfriend Make Booze Joke

I used to have a girlfriend who made her own booze. I knew the relationship wouldn’t last but I really miss her still.

Question 4

Confucius Pun

Confucius say man who walks around with hands in pocket all day long feels cocky.

Question 5

Native American Pun

A Native American goes to see a psychiatrist about some bad dreams he is having. The psychiatrist asks him to describe his nightmares and he said they are always about either wigwams or teepees. The doctor tells him he is obviously two tense.

Question 6

Pickle Bread Pun

How do you make pickle bread?

Question 7

Gardener Joke

I had to fire the guy who cut my lawn... He just didn't cut it!

Question 8

Red & Purple

Two ships, one carrying a cargo of red paint, the other carrying a cargo of purple paint, ran aground on a desert island. The sailors are now marooned.

Question 9

Sun Pun

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

VOTE

Question 10

Big Hole In Intersection

Did you hear about the big hole at the intersection in town? Police are looking into it.

Question 11

Pig With Invisible Legs Joke

What do you call a pig with invisible legs?

Question 12

What Does Gays Mean?

I was watching TV, my son was in a chair behind me reading a book. He said "dad, what does gays mean?" I got nervous, I said, "well, you know how me and your mother loves each other, its the same thing but with two men." He said "oh, ok. What does penetrating gays mean." Looking confused I said read me the sentence. He read, "She stared at her husband with a penetrating gaze".....

Question 13

Lenin Tomb Pun

Lenin's tomb is a communist plot.

Question 14

Limousine Joke

I just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered the fee does not include a driver. Can't believe I spend all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!

Question 15

Pig In A Musical Joke

What happens when you put a pig in a musical?

Question 16

Brain Transplant Pun

I was going to get a brain transplant...then I changed my mind.

Question 17

Sauna Restaurant Joke

Have you heard about the sauna that serves food?

Question 18

Big Flower Joke

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Question 19

Mile Bath Pun

A lady goes to her dermatologist and he tells her to take milk baths for her skin condition. She goes to the grocery store and when an employee asks her if she needs help she explains that she needs enough milk to take a bath. The employee asked her if she wants pasteurized and she replies "no up to my shoulders should be fine".

Question 20

Tennis Joke

I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend... Love meant nothing to her!

Question 21

Pregnant Bed Bug

Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug?

Question 22

Chimney Sweeps Joke

When chimney sweeps dress in the morning, are they "Sooting up?"

Question 23

A Gentleman Walks Into Bar...

A gentleman walks into bar, and to his horror, sees a screaming naked lady tied to the wall while the bartender licks her! The guy runs out and calles the police. He is even more horrified when the police say there is nothing they can do; the bartender has a lick-her (liquor) license.

Question 24

Santa Claus Pun

I never really believed in Santa, always was a rebel without a claus.

Question 25

Cold Book Joke

What did the cold book do?

Question 26

Why Is Z The Best Letter In The Alphabet Joke

Why is Z the best letter in the alphabet?

Question 27

PMS Pun

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period!

Question 28

Dinosaur Pun

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

Question 29

Why Do You Still Carry A Comb?

I shaved my head when I started going bald years ago, but I still carry a comb... I just can’t part with it.

Question 30

Left Side Cut Off Joke

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?

Question 31

Indian Pun

Why were the Indians here first?

Question 32

Pig Write A Letter Joke

How does a pig write a letter?

Question 33

Pig With Ink On His Face Joke

Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

Question 34

Pig Hired At A Restaurant Joke

Why did the pig get hired at the restaurant?

Question 35

Funny Bone Pun

If you boil a funny bone, it's a laughing stock, that's humerous!

Question 36

2000 Flushes

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Question 37

Psychiatrist Pun

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office completely wrapped in cellophane. The doctor looks at the guy and says "well I can obviously see your nuts."

Question 38

Theatrical Puns

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Question 39

Class Trip Pun

Class trip to Coca-Cola. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Question 40

Upolsterer

Great news everyone. Apparently that man who was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun... is now fully "recovered".

Question 41

Hold Water Joke

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water. I was like well damn.

Question 42

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!

Question 43

A Woman Scorn

A Woman tried to cut off her lover's penis, missed and cut his thigh, charged with a misdaweiner.

Question 44

What Do You Get When You Cross A Chef And A Meteorologist?

What do you get when you cross a chef and a meteorologist?

Question 45

Playing With Our Words

A man's wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man's wife began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!!" The man said, "Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" The doctor replied, "Nothing. She's just having contractions."

Question 46

Talking Tree Pun

A lumberjack walks into the woods and goes to cut down a tree with his ax. The tree shout out "hey wait I'm a talking tree". The lumberjack responds "you may be a talking tree but you'll dialogue".

Question 47

Geico Pun

if Geico ever fired the gecko that would be a reptile disfunction.

Question 48

Restaurant On The Moon Pun

I would never open a restaurant on the moon....no atmosphere.

Question 49

Dyslexic Pun

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Question 50

Your Type

Times New Roman and Helvetica walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type in here."

Question 51

Cooking Joke

I yelled into a colander while cooking... now my voice is strained.

Question 52

More Lives Than A Cat Joke

What animal has more lives than a cat?

Question 53

Caught Steeling In Cooking Class Joke

I was kicked out of my cooking class for stealing. I still think it was a whisk worth taking.

Question 54

Clown Pun

If you are ever attacked by a bunch of clowns just go right for the juggler.

Question 55

Emergency Room Pun

A guy ends up in the emergency room from eating bad horse meat. The doctor told his family he's in stable condition.

Question 56

One Halloween Night....

One Halloween a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking behind him he saw a coffin following him, upright. He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump". He began running and the coffin kept up and began opening and closing, ""thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". Terrified he ran to his front door, and went inside, slamming the door and locking it. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump - CRASH" it came right through the door, He ran up the stairs, and right behind him, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". He rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but the coffin broke through the door - "thumpety thump, thumpety thump crash". Terrified the man grabbed the first thing he could, a bottle of Robitussin and threw it - and the coffin stopped!

Question 57

Hamburger Gym Joke

Why did the hamburger go to the gym?

Question 58

Sink Say To Toilet Joke

What did the sink say to the toilet?

Question 59

Date Night Joke

I had a date last night and I really enjoyed it. So tonight I'm going to try a fig.

Question 60

She Missed Me Joke

She said she missed me. Normally, that would be good... But she's reloading.

Question 61

What Is A Police Officer's Favorite Sweater Joke

What is a police officer's favorite sweater?

Question 62

Don't Drink Gas Joke.

Who can drink 5 gallons of gas without getting sick?

Question 63

Lettuce Pun

Lettuce come together. Romaine Calm. This may be just the tip of the iceberg.

Question 64

Dog Gunfight Pun

A dog walks into a bar in the old west days and ends up in a fight. They go out in the street and in a shootout he gets his gun shot out of his hand. He comes back into the saloon the next day with his gun strapped on the other side and says .."I want to see the son of a bitch that shot my paw?"

233 PUNS

Puns

Antennas Pun

Startled By A Loud Fart

Girlfriend Make Booze Joke

Confucius Pun

Native American Pun

Pickle Bread Pun

Gardener Joke

Red & Purple

Sun Pun

Big Hole In Intersection

Pig With Invisible Legs Joke

What Does Gays Mean?

Lenin Tomb Pun

Limousine Joke

Pig In A Musical Joke

Brain Transplant Pun

Sauna Restaurant Joke

Big Flower Joke

Mile Bath Pun

Tennis Joke

Pregnant Bed Bug

Chimney Sweeps Joke

A Gentleman Walks Into Bar...

Santa Claus Pun

Cold Book Joke

Why Is Z The Best Letter In The Alphabet Joke

PMS Pun

Dinosaur Pun

Why Do You Still Carry A Comb?

Left Side Cut Off Joke

Indian Pun

Pig Write A Letter Joke

Pig With Ink On His Face Joke

Pig Hired At A Restaurant Joke

Funny Bone Pun

2000 Flushes

Psychiatrist Pun

Theatrical Puns

Class Trip Pun

Upolsterer

Hold Water Joke

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

A Woman Scorn

What Do You Get When You Cross A Chef And A Meteorologist?

Playing With Our Words

Talking Tree Pun

Geico Pun

Restaurant On The Moon Pun

Dyslexic Pun

Your Type

Cooking Joke

More Lives Than A Cat Joke

Caught Steeling In Cooking Class Joke

Clown Pun

Emergency Room Pun

One Halloween Night....

Hamburger Gym Joke

Sink Say To Toilet Joke

Date Night Joke

She Missed Me Joke

What Is A Police Officer's Favorite Sweater Joke

Don't Drink Gas Joke.

Lettuce Pun

Dog Gunfight Pun

Bladder Infection Pun

Knot Joke

Qanon Shaman Joke

Piano Locked Out Of The House Joke

All Grown Up

Sleeping Cows

Pig Sunbathing Joke

Is TV Making You Dumb?

Crazy Guy In Jungle Pun

Santa Pun

Soccer Joke

Train Worker Struck By Lightning Joke

Dracula Joke

Pig Drivers Joke