A man's car broke down in the middle of the Nullarbor plain (in other words : middle of nowhere). There was not another car in sight, so he started walking... Three hours later no cars had passed and he was getting very, very thirsty. Just then a man riding a kangaroo bounced up. "Want to buy a tie?" he asked. "No! Water - quick, help, water." "Sorry, I've only got ties." and the man and roo bounded off. Hours later, the stranded man was still staggering along - desperate now for a drink. Another man (and another kangaroo) bounded up to him. "Water, help I need water." gasped the stranded man. "Oh, wouldn't you like to buy a tie?" said the mounted man. "No! Water - quick, help water!" "Sorry mate, I can do you with a nice polka dot or a paisley or even a hand painted lady - but can't help with water." and off he went. The man was crawling now, inch by inch he clambered over the baked desert soil. Then he noticed a shimmering in the distance. It looked like a big building. He crawled slowly towards it even though he was sure it was a mirage. But the building became more and more solid looking. Could it be? Yes, it was a giant R.S.L. club there in the middle of nowhere. The man spent his last effort and crawled desperately to the door where he gasped to the doorman, "Let me in, I need water!" Sorry mate," said the doorman, "I can't let you in without a tie."
A man went to his dentist because he has a strange feeling in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "That's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"