Holiday Jokes

Rating

A man's car broke down in the middle of the Nullarbor plain (in other words : middle of nowhere). There was not another car in sight, so he started walking... Three hours later no cars had passed and he was getting very, very thirsty. Just then a man riding a kangaroo bounced up. "Want to buy a tie?" he asked. "No! Water - quick, help, water." "Sorry, I've only got ties." and the man and roo bounded off. Hours later, the stranded man was still staggering along - desperate now for a drink. Another man (and another kangaroo) bounded up to him. "Water, help I need water." gasped the stranded man. "Oh, wouldn't you like to buy a tie?" said the mounted man. "No! Water - quick, help water!" "Sorry mate, I can do you with a nice polka dot or a paisley or even a hand painted lady - but can't help with water." and off he went. The man was crawling now, inch by inch he clambered over the baked desert soil. Then he noticed a shimmering in the distance. It looked like a big building. He crawled slowly towards it even though he was sure it was a mirage. But the building became more and more solid looking. Could it be? Yes, it was a giant R.S.L. club there in the middle of nowhere. The man spent his last effort and crawled desperately to the door where he gasped to the doorman, "Let me in, I need water!" Sorry mate," said the doorman, "I can't let you in without a tie."

VOTE
SHARE

A man went to his dentist because he has a strange feeling in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "That's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

VOTE
SHARE