A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything any time!" "Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job." He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000. "How in the world did you do that?" they asked. "I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, any time!" "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine and sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Jones' and this one is Mrs. Johnson's." "That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the school house and they were having a state teachers convention - so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
The CEO of a Vacuum Cleaner company was impatient with the poor job his salespeople were doing, so one day he decided to do the job himself. He pulled up to an old house in his Mercedes Benz and knocked on the door. A little old barefoot man wearing overalls answered the knock on the door, only to be confronted by the very well dressed and dignified CEO in a $2,000 navy blue pin-striped business suit, a Hermes silk tie, a starched white shirt with monogrammed cufflinks, $700 shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the well-dressed and impeccably groomed CEO. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Get lost, Mister fancy suit!" said the old man. "I haven't got any money" and he proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the CEO wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the CEO emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will personally eat the remainder. I am the CEO! You have my GUARANTEE!" "I got a better idea" said the old man, "If you don't clean it all up, I'll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls. Your nice suit, your tie, your shoes, everything!" "Fine, sir!" said the CEO confidently. "I'll give you my clothes!" "Lemme ask you somethin', pal...Where are you goin' when you leave here?" The CEO answered very confidently: "To a VERY important conference! WHY?" "Will they let you in if yer barefoot?" said the old man. "Of course not!" said the CEO. "How much did you pay for those socks you'v got on?" asked the old man. "Fifty dollars" said the bewildered CEO. "I ain't never worn fifty dollar socks before!" said the old man. "It will be kinda hard for you to wear overalls to work, I guess!" said the old man. "WHAT?!" said the confused CEO. "And will you show how me to tie a necktie?" said the old man... One hour later, the door of the apartment opened, and the CEO carefully looked out. Seeing that no one was around, his foot appeared. A bare foot. He stepped out into the hallway - dressed only in overalls and bare feet. His expensive executive suit and tie had vanished, along with his confidence and dignity. The old man watched him run away to his car with a grin, admiring the expensive pinstriped suit and silk tie he had just acquired. He then sat down and pulled on the CEO's fifty dollar socks and gleaming shoes. "Now I gotta see about payin' that electric bill..."
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still, no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home?!" The kid replied, "She is, but this isn't where I live."