TEACHER JOKES

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

What did the cold book do?

The teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner than they got the boots off he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em." Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

What did the blonde teacher do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

When are relationships like algebra?

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negatives?

How do we know that trees poop?

There are only three kinds of people in this world: those that are good at math.. and those that aren't.

How often do you like jokes about elements?

What did the Little Mermaid wear to math class?

There is a thin line between a numerator and a denominator... And only a fraction of people can understand that.

Comic sans implies the existence of tragic sans.

Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to the lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed. A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous. The driver pointed out the sign that read "20." He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign. The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 20. Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant. As the policeman turned to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor ...looking scared to death! He asked the driver, "What's wrong with them?" The driver replied, "We just turned off Highway 105."

What do you call a tree that does science experiments?

Ate two cans of Alphabet Soup. Had a terrible vowel movement.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psycology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid stand up!" After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Teacher: What's usually used as the conductor of electricity?

Student: Why-er....

Teacher: Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?

Student: The what?

Teacher: That's absolutely right, the watt.

What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?