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Kid Jokes
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Joke: Why do melons have weddings?
Joke: What did the dog say to the tree?
Joke: What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
Joke: I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
Joke: Why wouldn't they let the butterfly in to the dance?
Joke: How do the kids of dentists get around the neighborhood?
Joke: In which river are you sure to find snakes?
Joke: What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Joke: What kind of shoes does a frog wear?
Joke: What kind of cars do cats drive?
Joke: Where do cows go on Friday nights?
Joke: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
Joke: What did the cold book do?
Joke: What do you call a bunny rabbit with a lot of money?
Joke: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
Joke: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
Joke: Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
Joke: Did you know? You can distinguish between an alligator and a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.
Joke: What's worse than a worm in an apple?
Joke: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Joke: What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging?
Joke: What's a monster's favorite play?
Joke: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
Joke: What do you get if you are allergic to noodles?
Joke: What does it take to be an organ donor?
Joke: My wife asked me to clear the dining table...I had to get a running start but I made it!
Joke: What building in your town has the most stories?
Joke: What's a witch's favorite subject in school?
Joke: What room do ghost avoid?
Joke: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow?
Joke: What did the mom dinosaur say to the baby dinosaur?
Joke: Why did the boy eat waffles for breakfast, lunch and dinner?
Joke: The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "The other Librarian could write."
Joke: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Joke: What do witches put on to go trick or treating?
Joke: Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie?
Joke: What do you call a cat caught by the police?
Joke: Why did the kitten smell so good?
Joke: The teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner than they got the boots off he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em." Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry, but she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
Joke: Which side of the sheep has the most wool?
Joke: Why do bananas wear sunscreen?
Joke: What animal has more lives than a cat?
Joke: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
Joke: What does a ghost call his mom and dad?
Joke: What did one llama say to the other llama?
Joke: Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
Joke: Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Joke: Why did the hamburger go to the gym?
Joke: What did the sink say to the toilet?
Joke: Where do ghost's go on vacation?
Joke: Why are skeletons so calm?
Joke: Why are ghosts terrible liars?
Joke: What do you call a witch that lives at the beach?
Joke: What did the turkey say to the computer?
Joke: A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand. His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while… Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy…i just haven't gone 'doody' yet." Mother says: "ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?" Billy says: "works for ketchup."
Joke: Why is milk the fastest liquid on earth?
Joke: What kind of cars do elves drive?
Joke: Where do mermaids look for jobs?
Joke: Why did the illiterate witch get kicked out of the coven?
Joke: What do skeletons travel around in?
Joke: Why are graveyards so noisy?
Joke: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Joke: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
Joke: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
Joke: What can you find in a ghost's nose?
Joke: What do you say to a person who says that they are going to tell on you?
Joke: When I was about 7 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the funeral of a friend of hers that I didn't know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the funeral to end. Then a man approached me and said: "Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine." He patted my head and left. Before leaving, my mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin. For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares. Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.
Joke: Did you hear about the kidnapping at the School?
Joke: A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants." the boy replied.
Joke: What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?
Joke: What did the alien in the garden say?
Joke: Why are dogs like cell phones?
Joke: How do you fix a broken tomato?
Joke: What is a livestock's favorite math tool?
Joke: How many feet are in a yard?
Joke: How do you fix a damaged Jack-O-Lantern?
Joke: Why are all mummies workaholics?
Joke: What's on the lunch menu at Monster School?
Joke: How do monsters like there eggs cooked?
Joke: Why didn't the zombie like his new house?
Joke: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
Joke: What did Batman do in the bathroom?
Joke: Five year old Alan tells his kindergarten teacher that he has a new baby brother, called Spot. "Spot?" says the teacher. "Are you sure it's not a puppy your Dad bought you?" Alan was adamant that his brother's name was Spot. The next morning, he made a correction and told his teacher, "Actually, it's Mark."
Joke: Why did the farmer bury his money?
Joke: How do you make an octopus laugh?
Joke: Who's the king of the pencil case?
Joke: When does a cookie go to see a doctor?
Joke: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Joke: What do you call Chewbacca when he gets chocolate in his fur?
Joke: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
Joke: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Joke: Why is Dracula so easy to trick on Halloween?
Joke: What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
Joke: What's a ghosts favorite dessert?
Joke: What did the skeleton say to the dog?
Joke: What did the ghost say to his wife?
Joke: Why don't mummies take time off?
Joke: What do demons eat for breakfast?
Joke: What Do You Get If You Cross Bambi With A Ghost?
Joke: What did the Jack-O-Lantern say to the pumpkin?