Joke: A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants." the boy replied.
Joke: 1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. 2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. 3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. 4. Stay away from prunes. 5. Never pee on an electric fence. 6. Don't squat with your spurs on. 7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. 8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. 9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. 10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. 11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. 13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. 14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. 15. Never try to baptize a cat.
Joke: In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching." Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies... One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
Joke: The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "The other Librarian could write."
Joke: Five year old Alan tells his kindergarten teacher that he has a new baby brother, called Spot. "Spot?" says the teacher. "Are you sure it's not a puppy your Dad bought you?" Alan was adamant that his brother's name was Spot. The next morning, he made a correction and told his teacher, "Actually, it's Mark."
Joke: Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen, she lay in eager anticipation of the lovely breakfast her helpful, caring children were making for her. However, after a good long wait, she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. "As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
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