Joke: A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asked. The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license." At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, "Are we over the border yet?"
Joke: A young man was in the process of taking a verbal exam to join the local police force. "If you're driving a police car, alone on a country road at night, and are being chased by a group of criminals driving sixty miles an hour, what would you do?" he was asked. Without hesitation, the young man replied, "Seventy!"
Joke: Two mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night. One of them says, "I'm kind of scared out here." The other replies, "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"
Joke: Dumb and Nobody are best friends. One day they decide to go for a bike ride. They start riding their bikes. Suddenly Nobody falls off his bike. Dumb calls the police and says: OH MY GOD!! Nobody fell off a bike!!! Police lady: What the heck? Are you dumb?
Joke: A burglar was cruising through a posh suburb looking for an opportunity. At one house he saw a truck unloading a big-screen television, stereo, and video outfit. That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, broke the lock on the kitchen door and went in. It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal. "I see you and Jesus sees you," a voice said. The burglar froze in his tracks. "I see you and Jesus sees you," the voice said again. When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shined it in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch. "I see you and Jesus sees you. "The burglar laughed. "Just a dumb bird," he said. The burglar closed the drapes before turning on a lamp and that's when he saw a big and mean-looking Doberman Pincher sitting beneath the parrot's perch. "Sic him, Jesus!", said the parrot.
Joke: A judge frowns at the criminal report of the man he is judging. He asks, "So you robbed the same store on three successive nights?" The robber replies, "Yes your honor." The judge, even more perplexed asks, "And why was that?" "Because my wife wanted a dress," says the robber. The judge checks with his records, "But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!" "Yes sir. She made me exchange it twice."
