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College Jokes

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What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know; and I couldn't care less.

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Brian called up his mom from Humbolt College and asked her for some more spending money, because he had spent it all on Totino's Party Pizzas. Mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uh, oh yeah, OK," responded Brian. When she gets back, Dad asked, 'Well how much did you give Brian this time? Mom said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000" "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad, "Are you crazy?" "Don't worry hon," Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 check somewhere between the pages in Chapter 11!"

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Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed. A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous. The driver pointed out the sign that read "20." He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign. The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 20. Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant. As the policeman turned to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor ...looking scared to death! He asked the driver, "What's wrong with them?" The driver replied, "We just turned off Highway 105."

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What was the blonde college student doing at the harbor?

Looking for an internship.

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What are a blonde's first words after 4 years of college?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

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A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear, and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!" The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he said. "Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child. "And what if you run out of money?" "I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child. The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?" "Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply. The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!"

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