The Joker

Question 1

Wife Owners Manual Joke

Anyone have an owners manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining noise.

Question 2

Tomato Juice Is Good For You Joke

There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stock... and vodka.

Question 3

Wine Bottles

They should put more wine in a bottle... so there's enough for two people.

Question 4

Coffin Joke

I saw an ad for a coffin and thought... "That's the last thing I need!"

Question 5

Must Give Up

An Angel visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking, and unmarried sex if she wanted to get into heaven. The woman said she would try her best. The Angel visited the woman a month later to see how she was getting on. "Not bad," said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but when I bent over to look in the freezer, my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs in high heels and he pulled up my skirt and made love to me right then and there." "They don't like that in heaven", said the Angel. The woman replied: "They're not crazy about it in Costco either."

Question 6

Leonardo Da Vinci Advice

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet" Leonardo da Vinci

Question 7

Date Joke

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. That's when I know we weren't going to work out.

Question 8

Pope Driving Limo Joke

The Pope lands in New York and the limo driver tells him that they are running early if he would like to do anything before he needs to be dropped off. The Pope says he has never driven a limo and asked if he could take drive the limo. He ends up getting pulled over on the freeway so the cop who pulls him over radios back to the station and asks for the Sargent. He tells him I can't give this guy a ticket?" The Sargent gets mad and tells the officer that he doesn't care who he is just give him the ticket! "I seriously CAN NOT give him a ticket as he is WAY TOO IMPORTANT!" "So who is this guy anyway?" the Sargent asks and the cop answers "I have no idea sir but he is SO IMPORTANT THAT THE POPE IS DRIVING HIM!

Question 9

Blind Dinosaur Joke

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Question 10

Christmas Flu

Doctor says I have the Christmas flu. He called it tinselitis.

Question 11

Cooking With Wine

Tried cooking with wine last night, after 5 glasses,... I forgot why I was in the kitchen.

Question 12

Whats Draculas Favorite Streaming Service Joke

What's Dracula's favorite streaming service?

Question 13

Witch Trick Or Treating Joke

What do witches put on to go trick or treating?

Question 14

Here's Your Sign

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied... "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. ..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"

Question 15

Halloween Up All Night Joke

What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?

Question 16

A Room Ghosts Avoid Joke

What room do ghost avoid?

Question 17

Banana Sunscreen Joke

Why do bananas wear sunscreen?

Question 18

No Eye Dear Joke

What do you call a deer with no eyes? ...no eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? ....still no eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs having sex? ...still fucking no eye deer.

Question 19

My Best Friend And My Wife Joke

"Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Steve." Said, Roger. Brian replied, "Since when is Steve your best friend?" Roger replied, "Since yesterday."

Question 20

Terrible Things You Do For Money

I've done some terrible things for money... Like getting up early to go to work.

Question 21

Political Term Limits

A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail.

Question 22

Do It Right The First Time

Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.

Question 23

The Loan Ranger And Tonto Go Into A Saloon

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do....Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" "Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"

Question 24

Red, White, Blue And Green Joke

What's red, white and blue, and green?

Question 25

Not Your Cheese Joke

What kind of cheese can never be yours?

Question 26

Most Famous Married Women In America

Who is the most famous married woman in The United States?

Question 27

Digging And Filling Holes

There were two men working for the city council. One would dig and dig and dig until a deep hole in the ground appeared. The other would come behind him and fill the hole with piles of dirt. The two men worked furiously: one digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching the pair from the footpath but couldn’t understand what they were doing. Finally, he had to ask. He said to the hole digger: “I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!” The hole digger replied: “Oh yeah, it must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today.”

Question 28

I'm Giving Up

I'm posting this with a heavy heart... As much as I love photography and everything that comes with it, it is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of cleaning, cooking, and maintaining the home. So something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my gear. Below is a list of what is available. Serious inquiries only, no stupid offers please. Thanks for reading and understanding. Here is what I have for sale: 1. Vacuum cleaner 2. Dustpan and brush 3. Mop and bucket 4. Cat 5. Iron 6. Laundry detergent 7. Various Mr Muscle products Thank you.

Question 29

Never Finish Anything Joke

I never finish anything... I have a black belt in partial arts.

Question 30

Electric Car License

Does anybody know if you need a current driver's license to drive an electric car?

The Joker

Wife Owners Manual Joke

Tomato Juice Is Good For You Joke

Wine Bottles

Coffin Joke

Must Give Up

Leonardo Da Vinci Advice

Date Joke

Pope Driving Limo Joke

Blind Dinosaur Joke

Christmas Flu

Cooking With Wine

Whats Draculas Favorite Streaming Service Joke

Witch Trick Or Treating Joke

Here's Your Sign

Halloween Up All Night Joke

A Room Ghosts Avoid Joke

Banana Sunscreen Joke

No Eye Dear Joke

My Best Friend And My Wife Joke

Terrible Things You Do For Money

Political Term Limits

Do It Right The First Time

The Loan Ranger And Tonto Go Into A Saloon

Red, White, Blue And Green Joke

Not Your Cheese Joke

Most Famous Married Women In America

Digging And Filling Holes

I'm Giving Up

Never Finish Anything Joke

Electric Car License

Joke Categories

SHARE THIS?

Newsletter

Contributors