The Joker

Joke: The biggest bra made for horses... Is the Z-bra!

Joke: I would never open a restaurant on the moon....no atmosphere.

Joke: An elderly couple goes to a fast food place where they carefully split a burger and fries. A man takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal. ''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.'' A few minutes later, the guy notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he offers again. ''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.'' Unconvinced, the guy asks the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?'' The wife snaps back, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''

Joke: My wife and I were really happy for 22 years... Then we started dating.

Joke: A politician should do two terms - one in office and one in jail.

Joke: If all else fails... lower your standards.

Joke: The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do....Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" "Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"

Joke: How did the baby know it was ready to be born?

Joke: What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?

Joke: What's red, white and blue, and green?

Joke: If you go Skydiving, and your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to try to fix it.

Joke: What kind of cheese can never be yours?

Joke: I'm posting this with a heavy heart... As much as I love photography and everything that comes with it, it is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of cleaning, cooking, and maintaining the home. So something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my gear. Below is a list of what is available. Serious inquiries only, no stupid offers please. Thanks for reading and understanding. Here is what I have for sale: 1. Vacuum cleaner 2. Dustpan and brush 3. Mop and bucket 4. Cat 5. Iron 6. Laundry detergent 7. Various Mr Muscle products Thank you.

Joke: I never finish anything... I have a black belt in partial arts.

Joke: Does anybody know if you need a current driver's license to drive an electric car?

Joke: She said she missed me. Normally, that would be good... But she's reloading.

Joke: Why do you call a cougar thats into anal?

Joke: A Woman tried to cut off her lover's penis, missed and cut his thigh, charged with a misdaweiner.

Joke: What did the egg say to the boing water?

Joke: I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress "Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?" She kicked me out and said, "The men I please are none of your business!"

Joke: What do you get when you cross a chef and a meteorologist?

Joke: Did you hear about the stupid blonde?

Joke: Anyone have an owners manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining noise.

Joke: What does garlic do when it gets hot?

Joke: There's nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul. Even if it's cold, over ice, with a celery stock... and vodka.

Joke: What was Ted Bundy's favorite pick up line?

Joke: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?

Joke: "Don't believe everything you read on the internet" Leonardo da Vinci

Joke: I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. That's when I know we weren't going to work out.

Joke: The Pope lands in New York and the limo driver tells him that they are running early if he would like to do anything before he needs to be dropped off. The Pope says he has never driven a limo and asked if he could take drive the limo. He ends up getting pulled over on the freeway so the cop who pulls him over radios back to the station and asks for the Sargent. He tells him I can't give this guy a ticket?" The Sargent gets mad and tells the officer that he doesn't care who he is just give him the ticket! "I seriously CAN NOT give him a ticket as he is WAY TOO IMPORTANT!" "So who is this guy anyway?" the Sargent asks and the cop answers "I have no idea sir but he is SO IMPORTANT THAT THE POPE IS DRIVING HIM!