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Food Jokes
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Joke: Whenever I try and eat healthy a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers!
Joke: How many bites of the forbidden fruit did Adam and Eve take?
Joke: How do you make pickle bread?
Joke: What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Joke: What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
Joke: Be careful when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner.
Joke: I'm on the tequila diet. So far I've lost 2 days.
Joke: A lady goes to her dermatologist and he tells her to take milk baths for her skin condition. She goes to the grocery store and when an employee asks her if she needs help she explains that she needs enough milk to take a bath. The employee asked her if she wants pasteurized and she replies "no up to my shoulders should be fine".
Joke: I am forever disappointed the Chef Boddy Flay didn't name his daughter Sue.
Joke: I woke up to drink some water in the middle of the night and I accidentally ate a whole pizza and cheesecake.
Joke: Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?
Joke: Seven days without a taco makes Juan weak!
Joke: I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me!
Joke: Why did the pig get hired at the restaurant?
Joke: What's worse than a worm in an apple?
Joke: All this time I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. It turns out it was the refrigerator!
Joke: When Gathering Berries... You have to be picky!
Joke: I have a joke about pizza... It's a little cheesy!
Joke: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
Joke: I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
Joke: What did the egg say to the boing water?
Joke: Why did the boy eat waffles for breakfast, lunch and dinner?
Joke: I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet... I get hungry.
Joke: Tried cooking with wine last night, after 5 glasses,... I forgot why I was in the kitchen.
Joke: I yelled into a colander while cooking... now my voice is strained.
Joke: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
Joke: What kind of cheese can never be yours?
Joke: What does garlic do when it gets hot?
Joke: What do you call a witch that lives at the beach?
Joke: I was kicked out of my cooking class for stealing. I still think it was a whisk worth taking.
Joke: A guy ends up in the emergency room from eating bad horse meat. The doctor told his family he's in stable condition.
Joke: My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!
Joke: What do you call an avocado in church?
Joke: My neighbor told me he is a vegetarian... I told him I thought that was a big missed steak.
Joke: Why did the pig stop sunbathing?
Joke: Why did the hamburger go to the gym?
Joke: What did the monkey say to the banana?
Joke: Why are there Pop-tarts but no Mom-tarts?
Joke: What do you call a pool filled with tacos?
Joke: A man went to his dentist because he has a strange feeling in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "That's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
Joke: Ladies, if he is... is hot, always smells good, makes your mouth water, tastes amazing, leaves you feeling happier than ever... That's not your man. That's a taco!
Joke: Who hides in the bakery at christmas?
Joke: I want to lose weight but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "eat right and exercise" scams.
Joke: Why is milk the fastest liquid on earth?
Joke: What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Joke: How do monsters like there eggs cooked?
Joke: I couldn't understand why I couldn't lose weight. Turns out there were saying KETO, not Cheeto!
Joke: Why was the strawberry crying?
Joke: Why are vampires afraid of cows?
Joke: What do lemons say when they answer the telephone?
Joke: Shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
Joke: How do you fix a broken tomato?
Joke: What's on the lunch menu at Monster School?
Joke: What do demons eat for breakfast?
Joke: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
Joke: Are you a banana?
Joke: If you had to choose between eating tacos everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life - would you choose hard or soft tacos?
Joke: I was born a boy, but according to Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, I am a family of four.
Joke: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
Joke: What do you call a pig thief?
Joke: When does a cookie go to see a doctor?
Joke: If you advertise used grapes... Is that raisin awareness?
Joke: For the new year, I've been trying intermittent fasting. So far I'm up to 12 minutes without eating and to be honest, I love the results!
Joke: Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
Joke: What was Beethoven favorite fruit?
Joke: What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Joke: I'll tell you why I can't lose weight... I've got metal fillings in my teeth and the refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen.
Joke: Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too, especially chicken, pork, and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
Joke: It's gardening season. 6 weeks ago I planted my arse on the sofa. It's grown considerably
Joke: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Joke: What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine's Day?
Joke: What do you get when you cross a dog, a flower and a vegetable?
Joke: Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
Joke: Someone asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I've never heard of that kind of bacon.
Joke: I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.
Joke: Have you heard the latest rumor about butter?
Joke: What's the best way to cook an alligator?
Joke: I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell "orange", and you asked me the fruit or the color it kinda caught me off guard.
Joke: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Joke: What's a ghosts favorite food?
Joke: Two nuns have just arrived in the US and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs" "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Joke: Does your family say a prayer before you eat food? Nope, we're Italian, my mom knows how to cook.
Joke: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Joke: A new study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic behavior. And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to become their victims.
Joke: I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The little bell rang but it was still a potato.
Joke: If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!
Joke: Why did the Teddy Bear say no to dessert?
Joke: If two vegans get into an argument... is it still considered a beef?
Joke: What do you call a fake noodle?
Joke: What is a monster's favorite dessert?
Joke: What do polar bears like to eat?
Joke: My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.
Joke: I went to McDonald's and slammed ten bucks on the counter and said, "Surprise me! Because I never get what I ask for anyway!"
Joke: What's a nacho's favorite dance?
Joke: Why did the baker open a tortilla factory?
Joke: What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?
Joke: How did the gingerbread man treat his injured leg?
Joke: What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Joke: Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
Joke: What is the hardest tea to swallow!