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An elderly couple are at the cinema. About halfway through the film, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'You should put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

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My thesis on Orbital Flatulence took seven years of hard work. Well, that's what I tell everyone. I was really just farting around.

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A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?

None of them, because you can't get a banana from a coconut tree.

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Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems he's a web designer.

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What do you do if you're addicted to seaweed?

Sea kelp.

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My wife says her farts smell like flowers...

Cauliflowers maybe.

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They said mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.

They lied, everyone else had clothes on.

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If you ever fart in public, just yell, "Turbo power!" and walk faster.

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I tried to catch some fog... I mist!

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Why are hairdressers always on time?

Because they know all the short cuts!

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