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An elderly couple are at the cinema. About halfway through the film, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'You should put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

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My thesis on Orbital Flatulence took seven years of hard work. Well, that's what I tell everyone. I was really just farting around.

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My wife says her farts smell like flowers...

Cauliflowers maybe.

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Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems he's a web designer.

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If you ever fart in public, just yell, "Turbo power!" and walk faster.

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What happens after NASA farts?

It Apollo-gises.

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I tried to catch some fog... I mist!

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee.

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A husband and wife are at the grocery store. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. The wife asks, "What are you doing?" He says, "The beer is on sale, 24 cans for $10." She says, "We can't afford that so put it back!" A few isles later the wife puts a $20 tube of face cream in the cart. The husband asks, "What is that for?" The wife says, "It makes my face pretty." The husband replies, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price!"

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Did you see that movie about the pirate? It's rated Arrr!

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