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Why did the farmer take the cow to the psychiatrist?
Because she was so mooo-dy.
My wife said I ruined her birthday! That's ridiculous! I didn't even know it was her Birthday?
A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?
None of them, because you can't get a banana from a coconut tree.
What do you do if you're addicted to seaweed?
If you ever fart in public, just yell, "Turbo power!" and walk faster.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
I'd tell you a fart joke... But I've run out of gas.
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
My thesis on Orbital Flatulence took seven years of hard work. Well, that's what I tell everyone. I was really just farting around.
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself, "What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break". So, I drank all the Scotch before I road home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.