A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat-up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" she said, "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up. so surprise me!" He did just that, so for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. Nobody has seen or heard from him since.
A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, 'Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?' The kid says, 'Daddy told me you were a self-made man.' The man replies, 'I am'. The kid responds, 'Well, why did you make yourself like that?'