What happens when you put a pig in a musical?
It squeals the show!
What do you call a musician with real high morals?
Did you hear that Jon Bon Jovi is on a strict fruit diet?
He's living on a pear.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!
What do you call a group of armpit farters?
A pit orchestra.
You know how you can tell when there is a pilot in a room?
He'll tell you!
Why was the piano locked out of the house?
He did not have the right key!
A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."
Why did Beethoven get rid of all his chickens?
All they said was "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
Hey, did you hear about the experiment where they blessed the rains down in Africa?
I heard it was a ToTo failure!
My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.
What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?
Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do. Just look at Beethoven. Everyone told him he would never be a musician, just because he was deaf. But, did he listen?
Did you hear about the orchestra that got electrocuted?
They're blaming the conductor.
A woman is on trial for beating her husband with his guitars. The judge asks her, "first offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender."
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
My friend is changing his bands name to 999 Megabytes because they never got a gig.
I hate when I'm singing along to a song and the artist gets the lyrics wrong...
Did you hear about the constipated composer?
He couldn't finish his last movement.