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Musician Jokes

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What happens when you put a pig in a musical?

It squeals the show!

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What do you call a musician with real high morals?

A Virtuoso.

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Did you hear that Jon Bon Jovi is on a strict fruit diet?

He's living on a pear.

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My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!

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What do you call a group of armpit farters?

A pit orchestra.

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You know how you can tell when there is a pilot in a room?

He'll tell you!

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Why was the piano locked out of the house?

He did not have the right key!

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A musician who joined an orchestra on a cruise ship was having difficulty keeping time with the rest of the band. Finally, the captain said, "Either you learn to keep time or I'll throw you overboard. . . . It's up to you, sync or swim."

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Why did Beethoven get rid of all his chickens?

All they said was "Bach, Bach, Bach..."

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Hey, did you hear about the experiment where they blessed the rains down in Africa?

I heard it was a ToTo failure!

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My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

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What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?

58.

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Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do. Just look at Beethoven. Everyone told him he would never be a musician, just because he was deaf. But, did he listen?

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Did you hear about the orchestra that got electrocuted?

They're blaming the conductor.

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A woman is on trial for beating her husband with his guitars. The judge asks her, "first offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender."

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What type of music are balloons afraid of?

Pop music!

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My friend is changing his bands name to 999 Megabytes because they never got a gig.

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I hate when I'm singing along to a song and the artist gets the lyrics wrong...

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Did you hear about the constipated composer?

He couldn't finish his last movement.

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