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Get your laugh on with this list of funny animal jokes.  Our animal jokes are family and kid-friendly. Have an animal joke you would like to share?  It's easy, sign up and submit your favorite animal jokes. 

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Joke:

Why does the bass fart a half-tone flatter than every other fish? He's got a **b** in front of his ass

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Did you hear the one about the Polish wolf?

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What is it called when a prairie dog sees its shadow?

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Why aren't dogs good dancers?

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What do you call Pegasus farts?

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What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?

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What do you call an elephant chasing a cat?

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What do you call a pig with invisible legs?

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

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What did the pig dress up as for Halloween?

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What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

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Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!

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How does a Japanese dog say hello?

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What do you get when a pig mixes two colours?

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What was the elephant doing on the highway?

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What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?

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What happens when you put a pig in a musical?

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Bought the wife a hamster fur coat for her birthday, she was delighted with it. We went to the fair; took me 4 hours to get her off the big wheel!

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What kind of shoes does a frog wear?

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Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech tree says to the birch tree, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever had my pecker into!"

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What do you call farm animals with a sense of humor?

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Where do cows go on Friday nights?

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What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

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Why would a pig dressed in all black never get bullied?

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What do you get when you cross a pig and a canary?

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Tweety: knock knock.
Sylvester: Who's there?
Tweety: Gladys.
Sylvester: Gladys who?
Tweety: Gladys you and not that awful puddy tat!

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Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug?

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Why did the French dog look in the toilet?

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Since Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

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Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog?

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Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

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What's worse than a worm in an apple?

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What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

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What do you call a pig with three eyes?

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Why did the pig get hired at the restaurant?

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What do you call a bunny rabbit with a lot of money?

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What do you give your dog when you want it to be quiet?

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Why do cows wear bells?

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This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. "Well," they said, "Let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as you like, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

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Why did the pig stand in the middle of the road?

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How does a pig write a letter?

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What’s a pig’s favourite Shakespeare play?

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Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia... It's going to be quite the dinosaur shin-dig.

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Why are tigers Christians?

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Has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice?

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A man went camping in the woods by himself. He awoke early in the morning to hear a strange growling sound. He looked out to see a bear. He immediately began to run as fast as he could. The bear was gaining on him and he finally gave up hope, fell on his knees and said "Oh God, please let this be a Christian bear! "He turned to see the bear on his knees saying "Lord bless this food I am about to recieve..."

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What do walruses and Tupperware have in common? They both like tight seals.

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if Geico ever fired the gecko that would be a reptile disfunction.

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A guy ends up in the emergency room from eating bad horse meat. The doctor told his family he's in stable condition.

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Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner. We found him-a-layan in the road.

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How do you catch an unusual rabbit?

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If a pig loses his voice, does that mean he's disgruntled?

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Which side of the sheep has the most wool?⁣

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What animal has more lives than a cat?

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I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.

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Why did the husband bring his wife a small lizard?

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How late do cows stay up?

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What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?

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Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!

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As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing at the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

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Why did the pig stop sunbathing?

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What do you call a trendy pig?

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I watch my dog chase his tail for five minutes and thought, "Wow! Dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized, I just watched my dog chase his tail for five minutes.

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Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. Paid my $2, then he says, "Once upon a time there was this lobster...".

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Fish bite twice a day. Before you get there and after you leave.

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Why are they called humming birds?

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What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?

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How do you take a sick pig to the hospital?

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What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?

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I have a horse named Mayo... Mayo neighs!

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A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says I think I might be a type O!

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Where can you find a dog with no legs?

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I was watching a show called "Ten ways to avoid a shark attack". I was really surprised that "Stay out of the water" wasn't #1.

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Shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!

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What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

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My kids were very upset when our bunnies escaped. They're too young to deal with hare loss.

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If you notice cows sleeping in a field, does that mean it's pasture bedtime?

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Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the world today were born in the 21st century... They're millennial falcons!

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Did you hear about the dog that ate the Scrabble tiles?

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I have a chicken-proof lawn... It's impeckable!

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So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue-ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. ???? I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me ????) Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

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What do you call a pig that plays basketball?

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I heard some guys talking about you yesterday. One said that you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stuck up for you; I said you were!

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Why are pigs bad drivers?

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Who is the smartest pig in the world?

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Why are dogs like cell phones?

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What is a livestock's favorite math tool?

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Why do vampires need mouthwash?

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What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

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Why do snakes always lose in court?

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What sleep's with its shoes on?

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Do you ever notice that when geese fly in a "V" formation, one side is always longer than the other?

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A snail gets mugged by a couple turtles and when the cops asked him for a description of the turtles he told them "I don't know, it all happened so fast"

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A duck a skunk and a deer when out to dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the ducks bill.

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Why are stegosauruses, such good volleyball players?

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What's the best way to cook an alligator?

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Why did the girl pig break up with her boyfriend?

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What do you call a pig thief?

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