Last updated:

Get your laugh on with this list of funny animal jokes.  Our animal jokes are family and kid-friendly. Have an animal joke you would like to share?  It's easy, sign up and submit your favorite animal jokes. 

Sort Rating
Joke: Why does the bass fart a half-tone flatter than every other fish? He's got a **b** in front of his ass
VOTE
Joke: Did you hear the one about the Polish wolf?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What is it called when a prairie dog sees its shadow?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why aren't dogs good dancers?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What soft drink do pigs like best?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call Pegasus farts?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call an elephant chasing a cat?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a pig with invisible legs?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why did the turtle cross the road?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!
VOTE
Joke: What did the pig dress up as for Halloween?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean. One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area: Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn... He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again," Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian."
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What happens when you put a pig in a musical?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you get when a pig mixes two colours?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What was the elephant doing on the highway?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call farm animals with a sense of humor?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: How does a Japanese dog say hello?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What kind of shoes does a frog wear?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Bought the wife a hamster fur coat for her birthday, she was delighted with it. We went to the fair; took me 4 hours to get her off the big wheel!
VOTE
Joke: Where do cows go on Friday nights?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech tree says to the birch tree, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever had my pecker into!"
VOTE
Joke: Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why would a pig dressed in all black never get bullied?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why did the French dog look in the toilet?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you get when you cross a pig and a canary?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What's worse than a worm in an apple?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a bunny rabbit with a lot of money?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Tweety: knock knock. Sylvester: Who's there? Tweety: Gladys. Sylvester: Gladys who? Tweety: Gladys you and not that awful puddy tat!
VOTE
Joke: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. "Well," they said, "Let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as you like, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
VOTE
Joke: Since Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why did the pig get hired at the restaurant?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you give your dog when you want it to be quiet?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia... It's going to be quite the dinosaur shin-dig.
VOTE
Joke: What did the kitten say when it's cat food was stolen?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why do cows wear bells?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why did the pig stand in the middle of the road?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: How does a pig write a letter?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What’s a pig’s favourite Shakespeare play?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why did the husband bring his wife a small lizard?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why are tigers Christians?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: A man went camping in the woods by himself. He awoke early in the morning to hear a strange growling sound. He looked out to see a bear. He immediately began to run as fast as he could. The bear was gaining on him and he finally gave up hope, fell on his knees and said "Oh God, please let this be a Christian bear! "He turned to see the bear on his knees saying "Lord bless this food I am about to recieve..."
VOTE
Joke: What do walruses and Tupperware have in common? They both like tight seals.
VOTE
Joke: if Geico ever fired the gecko that would be a reptile disfunction.
VOTE
Joke: How do you catch an unusual rabbit?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: If a pig loses his voice, does that mean he's disgruntled?
VOTE
Joke: Which side of the sheep has the most wool?⁣
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What animal has more lives than a cat?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What type a dog laughs at every joke?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: A guy ends up in the emergency room from eating bad horse meat. The doctor told his family he's in stable condition.
VOTE
Joke: Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!
VOTE
Joke: Why did the pig stop sunbathing?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a trendy pig?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: How late do cows stay up?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why Did The Dear Need Braces?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: How do you get a squirrel to love you?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: I watch my dog chase his tail for five minutes and thought, "Wow! Dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized, I just watched my dog chase his tail for five minutes.
VOTE
Joke: Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. Paid my $2, then he says, "Once upon a time there was this lobster...".
VOTE
Joke: Fish bite twice a day. Before you get there and after you leave.
VOTE
Joke: What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the world today were born in the 21st century... They're millennial falcons!
VOTE
Joke: Why are they called humming birds?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: How do you take a sick pig to the hospital?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: I have a horse named Mayo... Mayo neighs!
VOTE
Joke: I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.
VOTE
Joke: Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: How does a mouse feel after taking a shower?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Where do polar bears vote?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What exercise do sheep do everyday to stay fit?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says I think I might be a type O!
VOTE
Joke: Where can you find a dog with no legs?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: A snail gets mugged by a couple turtles and when the cops asked him for a description of the turtles he told them "I don't know, it all happened so fast"
VOTE
Joke: Shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
VOTE
Joke: If you notice cows sleeping in a field, does that mean it's pasture bedtime?
VOTE
Joke: As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing at the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
VOTE
Joke: Did you hear about the dog that ate the Scrabble tiles?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: I have a chicken-proof lawn... It's impeckable!
VOTE
Joke: So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue-ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. ???? I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me ????) Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a pig that plays basketball?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why are pigs bad drivers?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Who is the smartest pig in the world?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why are dogs like cell phones?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What is a livestock's favorite math tool?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: So, a duck walks into a bar. It asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender replies, "No? I mean this is a bar. We don't really sell that kind of stuff..." So the duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back in. "Got any grapes?" the duck asks. "No," The bartender says of annoyed. The duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back and asks, "Got any grapes?" Finally, the bartender has had enough. "NO! We don't have any grapes. If you come in one more time asking if you've got any grapes, I'll nail your bill to the wall!" The duck leaves. The next day it comes back and says, "Got any nails?" The bartender replies, "No?" Then the duck says, "Got any grapes?"
VOTE
Joke: Which cow is the best dancer?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What sport do horses like playing the most?
Punch Line
VOTE