The Joker

Joke: I was reading a book about lubricants... It was non-friction.

Joke: What did the sink say to the toilet?

Joke: I love cheesy jokes about eyes... The cornea the better!

Joke: What’s another term for a will?

Joke: What position does a ghost play on his hockey team?

Joke: Do you have a date for Valentine's Day?

Joke: Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn't change color?

Joke: Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the world today were born in the 21st century... They're millennial falcons!

Joke: An Irishman walks into a bar and orders 3 pints of Guinness. He then proceeds to take a sip from the first, then a sip from the second, then a sip from the third, and starts again with a sip from the first, then second, and on. The bartender asks what he was up to, and he replied "I have 2 brothers, one lives in New York and one in Sydney, and since I can’t drink with them, I order 3 pints of Guinness and take a sip in turn from each one; and they also do the same in New York and Sydney" So each day the Irishman would come into the bar, order his 3 pints of Guinness and everyone got to know his story. One day, he walks in and orders only 2 pints of Guinness… The bar goes silent. Finally, the bartender approaches him and says "On behalf of everyone at the bar, I want to extend our condolences on the passing of your brother…" The Irishman replied, "Oh, no, it’s not that!! I just gave up drinking."

Joke: What do you call a small Valentine?

Joke: Why Did The Dear Need Braces?

Joke: What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?

Joke: Why did the snow plows ask for a raise?

Joke: I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet... I get hungry.

Joke: Your pants won't get to tight if you don't wear any.

Joke: What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?

Joke: How do you catch an unusual rabbit?

Joke: A hot-air balloon descends in the middle of nowhere. The traveler in the gondola spots a man on the ground and shouts, "Hey, mister! Can you tell me where I am?" The man looks up and shouts, "You're in a gondola of a hot air balloon!" The traveler shouts back, "You must be a mathematician!" "Yes! How did you know?" "Well, only a mathematician can give such a precise yet useless answer." "Hmmmm. You must be a CEO..." "Yes! How did you know?" "Well, you got yourself into this bad situation, yet you made it look as if it is my fault."

Joke: Why are tigers Christians?

Joke: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Joke: A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father visited the city for the very first time. They wandered around, marveling at the different sights. Eventually, they got to a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but they were especially amazed at two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady passed between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… "Junior, go get your Mother."

Joke: Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia, and learned that if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya.

Joke: Where did George Washington get his hatchet?

Joke: What do you call a cat caught by the police?

Joke: How do you get an astronaut baby to sleep?

Joke: The Devil called down to Georgia, he was looking for some votes to steal. He was in a bind because he was behind and he was willing to make a deal.

Joke: Hey, did you hear about the experiment where they blessed the rains down in Africa?

Joke: What did the egg say when the Easter Bunny told a joke?

Joke: I had a date last night and I really enjoyed it. So tonight I'm going to try a fig.

Joke: Have you ever noticed that a woman's "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" and a man's "I'll be home if 5 minutes" are exactly the same?