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You know you're a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister and he only has to shake one hand.
Why can't Donald Trump go to the White House anymore?
It's For-Biden.
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
Ham-boogers.
Dogs can't read an MRI but CATScan!
Did you know that people who have to wear glasses with their mask... may be entitled to condensation.
What is a gust of wind's favorite color?
Blew.
Did you hear that Jon Bon Jovi is on a strict fruit diet?
He's living on a pear.
What do you call a mama cow after it had its baby?
De-calf-inated.
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A Milkshake.
It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.
Hey, did you hear about the experiment where they blessed the rains down in Africa?
I heard it was a ToTo failure!
Why did the two EMT's travel together?
Because they were a pair-o-medics.
My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.
My uncle asked me what does IDK mean? I said, "I Don't Know". He said, "Damn, nobody does!"
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "My penis" and the wife falls to the ground laughing, because on-screen it says, "Error, not long enough."
What did Qanon Shaman's mom say to him when he was on his way to jail? Bison.
My Child doesn't want to eat meat. What can I replace it with?
A dog. Dog's love meat.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies!
They Say We Can Have Gatherings With Up To Eight People Without Issues. I Don't Even Know Eight People Without Issues.
Some people won't admit their faults. I would, if I had any.
How long is this social distancing supposed to last? My wife keeps trying to come in the house.
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