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You know how you can tell when there is a pilot in a room?
He'll tell you!
Why was Roger's math book sad?
It had too many problems!
During a trip from California to New York, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Houston was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were airborn, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she had solved the problem by turning off all the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been watching me leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."
What sleep's with its shoes on?
A horse.
Cornona Virus, it's an inside joke.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold.
My mind is exceptionally quiet... I'm suspicious that I'm up to something I don't want myself to know about.
I heard the more colorful your salad is, the better it is for you. So, I swapped my croutons for M&M's
Cop: "You were going really fast". Me: "I was just trying to keep up with traffic". Cop: "There isn't any traffic". Me: "I know! That's how far behind I am".
I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, "Must be nice".
Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
He got a bird that not only delivers messages to their destination but knocks on the door when it gets there.
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