The Joker

Joke Count: 1231

Trumpkin

Orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should be thrown out in November.

Seafood Joke

Huge fight at seafood restaurant. Battered fish everywhere!

Gym Day

Did 3 laps around the gym today... Couldn't find a parking spot so I went home.

People Person Joke

I used to be a people person... but people ruined that for me!

Glasses And Mask Joke

If you have to wear both mask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation.

Salad For Dinner

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was pizza, I ate pizza.

Blonde Sitting At A Bar Joke

Blonde sitting in a bar wondering why she only has 3 sisters, when her brother has 4.

Police Questioning Joke

I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me. Funny, I don't remember applying for a job there.

Headless Horseman Halloween Joke

Why did the headless horseman start his own business?

Vegetable Call A Plumber Joke

Why did the vegetable call a plumber?

Opening Doors

When one door closes, another one opens. This is the last time I'm buying a used car.

Do You Still Love Me?

My wife asked me, "Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?" So I took her to dinner and a movie and then dropped her off at her parents' house.

Just Pretend

I pretended to fall asleep and I fell asleep. Now, I'm going to pretend to be skinny.

Baby Corn Joke

What did the Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?

Cross Bambi And A Ghost Joke

What Do You Get If You Cross Bambi With A Ghost?

Cheers To Bread

To the person who invented bread. I'd like to propose a toast.

My Poem

I'd share my poem about the wind....but it's only a draft.

ATM Addicted To Money Joke

Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?

Chocolate Advent Calendar Joke

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 3 days till Christmas

Himalayan Rabbit Stew Joke

Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner. We found him-a-layan in the road.

String To The Game Joke

Why did the football player bring string to the game?

Do You Feel Any Pain?

My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"

Snowmen Breakfast Joke

What do snowmen have for breakfast?

A Really Dumb Dad Joke

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff... Baa-dumm-tss.

Synonym Joke

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one.

Chicken Sandwiches Joke

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't! It just craps on the floor.

Losing Weight Joke

Loosing weight doesn't seem like it's working, so I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.

Autumn Leaves

I can't believe it's that time of the year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbors yard.

My Friend David

My friend David lost his id, we now call him Dav.

Do The Crime Pay The Time

An 80-year-old lady was arrested for shoplifting. Judge: "What did you steal?" She replies, "A can of peaches." The judge then asked her how many peaches were in a can? She replied, "Six." Judge: "Ok, I'll give you six days in jail." Before the judge could pronounce the punishment, the husband spoke up and said, "What about ht can of peas!"

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