The Joker

Joke Count: 1229

Coke Vs. Deer Testicles Joke.

What’s the difference between a liter of Coke and deer testicles?

Opening Doors

When one door closes, another one opens. This is the last time I'm buying a used car.

Just Pretend

I pretended to fall asleep and I fell asleep. Now, I'm going to pretend to be skinny.

Baby Corn Joke

What did the Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?

Chip Monkey Joke

What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips?

Pilot Joke

Two, not very bright, pilots come in for a landing when the pilot has to slam on the brakes. Captain Bill looks over at Roger the co-pilot and says, "Damn that is the shortest runway we have ever landed on!" Roger takes a long look left, then a long look right and replies, "Yeah but look how wide it is!"

Cheers To Bread

To the person who invented bread. I'd like to propose a toast.

My Poem

I'd share my poem about the wind....but it's only a draft.

Army Bush Pun

If you don't know what this is don't ever join the Army. You don't even know an ambush when you see one.

String To The Game Joke

Why did the football player bring string to the game?

Jelly Fish Joke

What's in the middle of a jellyfish?

Do You Feel Any Pain?

My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"

IQ Test Results

If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.

Super Bowl Tickets

A friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl, both box seats! He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3 pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too...She'll be the one in the white dress.

Losing Weight Joke

Loosing weight doesn't seem like it's working, so I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.

Get Me A Beer Joke

I trained my dog to fetch me a beer. It may not sound impressive, but he gets it from the neighbors fridge!

Heavier Than Butane Jokes

Why is water heavier than butane?

My Friend David

My friend David lost his id, we now call him Dav.

Orchestra Got Electrocuted Joke

Did you hear about the orchestra that got electrocuted?

Coffee Can Make You Aggressive

Warning! Coffee can make you aggressive. Yesterday I had 15 beers at the bar, and my wife had 3 cups of coffee at home. When I got home she was extremely pissed off.

My Wife's Birthday

My Wife's birthday is coming up in a few months. She's leaving jewelry catalogs around the house. Think I'll buy her a magazine rack.

Cloud Clothes Joke

What do clouds wear?

Guitar Pun

A woman is on trial for beating her husband with his guitars. The judge asks her, "first offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender."

Do You Still Love Me?

My wife asked me, "Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?" So I took her to dinner and a movie and then dropped her off at her parents' house.

Don't Eat A Dictionary

I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me the Thesaurus throat I've ever had.

Toilet Papered

Neighbors house got TP'ed last night... Now it's listed on Zillow for $12.5 million.

Stop Shredded Cheese, Make America Grate Again!

Stop shredded cheese, make America grate again!

Quarantine Joke

I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, "Must be nice".

ATM Addicted To Money Joke

Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?

Sacks Are Full Of Phones Joke

Pat is at the airport with a sack over each shoulder. When he is stopped at customs they fin that both sacks are full of mobile phones. When asked why Pat said, "Well, while I was on my travels in America, I got a phone call from my mate Mick and he told me he was starting a Jazz band and could I bring him two saxophones."

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