The Joker

Question 1

Heavier Than Butane Jokes

Why is water heavier than butane?

Question 2

Being A Man Joke

Being a man means doing what I want when I want and not having to answer to... Shoot she's coming!!! To be continued.

Question 3

Blonde Raking Leaves Joke

How did the blonde break both legs while raking leaves?

Question 4

Giraffe Fart Joke

I bet giraffes don't even know what farts smell like.

Question 5

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

Wife, "Honey, don't forget to buy bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you." Husband, "Who is Valerie?" Wife, "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw buy text." Husband, "But I'm with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?" Wife, "What?! Where are you?" Husband, "Near the bakery." Wife, "Wait, I'm coming right now!" After five minutes the wife sends a message: Wife, "I'm at the bakery, where are you?" Husband, "I'm at work. Now that you're at the bakery, you can buy the bread!"

Question 6

Men Never Listen Joke

In a hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. The next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. "The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow." "MEN NEVER LISTEN"

Question 7

Never Done Anything Wild?

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, he's 95. We went to the food court to buy some lunch when we noticed a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look over and catch him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never did anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food to prevent choking upon hearing his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Question 8

Blondes And Cow Pies

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?

Question 9

Mile Per Gallon Joke

The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 2.2 gallons of beer, which means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon!

Question 10

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Why was the picture frame sent to jail?

Question 11

50 Cent Hungry Joke

What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?

Question 12

Marriage Tip

When your wife is mowing the lawn, that's probably not the best time to ask when dinner will be ready.

Question 13

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?

Question 14

Money Joke

Money. May not make you happy. But will pay for vacation, lunches, dinners, cars, houses, flowers, children education, medical bills, and tacos!

Question 15

Halloween Pumpkin Joke

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Question 16

Which Floor

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please just press one?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.

Question 17

Mummy's Favorite Music Halloween Joke

What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?

Question 18

1080p Pun

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new years but no one likes a quitter, so here is my New Years resolution. 1080p!

Question 19

Santa Pun

Santa got stuck in a chimney a few years back? Now he gets Claustrophobia.

Question 20

Thesaurus Breakfast Joke

What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Question 21

Almond Diet

I thought about going on an all almond diet... But that's just nuts!

Question 22

Toilet Papered

Neighbors house got TP'ed last night... Now it's listed on Zillow for $12.5 million.

Question 23

Asphalt Pun

A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt. The man says "I'll take a beer ...and one for the road"

Question 24

Haunted House Joke

What is the safest room in a haunted house?

Question 25

Quarantine Joke

I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, "Must be nice".

Question 26

Manager Of A Muffler Shop Joke

My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.

Question 27

Sinking Lamp Joke

Why didn't the lamp sink?

Question 28

Communism Pun

I never really thought communism would work. Way to many red flags.

Question 29

Clock Pun

6:30 is hands down the best time on any clock.

Question 30

Use You Big Boy Words Joke

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SHIT."

The Joker

Heavier Than Butane Jokes

Being A Man Joke

Blonde Raking Leaves Joke

Giraffe Fart Joke

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

Men Never Listen Joke

Never Done Anything Wild?

Blondes And Cow Pies

Mile Per Gallon Joke

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

50 Cent Hungry Joke

Marriage Tip

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

Money Joke

Halloween Pumpkin Joke

Which Floor

Mummy's Favorite Music Halloween Joke

1080p Pun

Santa Pun

Thesaurus Breakfast Joke

Almond Diet

Toilet Papered

Asphalt Pun

Haunted House Joke

Quarantine Joke

Manager Of A Muffler Shop Joke

Sinking Lamp Joke

Communism Pun

Clock Pun

Use You Big Boy Words Joke

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