The Joker

Joke: Why couldn't the flower ride its bike?

Joke: If your home doesn't have house numbers on it, you should address that!

Joke: What do blondes and cow pies have in common?

Joke: What’s the leading cause of dry skin?

Joke: Why was the picture frame sent to jail?

Joke: What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?

Joke: The guy next to me on the train pointed to a photograph and said "This is my girlfriend, isn't she beautiful?" "If you think she is beautiful, you should see my wife," says I. "Why is she stunning?" "No, she's an optician!"

Joke: An old cowboy goes into a bar and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboy and asks him, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replies, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am." She says, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A little while later, a couple sits down next to the old cowboy and asks him, "Are you a real cowboy? "He replies, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Joke: Why did the thief wear blue gloves?

Joke: What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Joke: I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The little bell rang but it was still a potato.

Joke: How much did Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Joke: I thought about going on an all almond diet... But that's just nuts!

Joke: Neighbors house got TP'ed last night... Now it's listed on Zillow for $12.5 million.

Joke: Why didn't the ghost eat his candy?

Joke: What is the safest room in a haunted house?

Joke: I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, "Must be nice".

Joke: Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?

Joke: Why didn't the lamp sink?

Joke: A kid keeps lying to his father so the dad buys a lie detector robot who will slap him if he tells a lie. The next morning the father asks his son where he was the night before. "I was at Joeys house doing my homework" The robot slaps him. His dad says that was a lie and asks what was he really doing. The kid says "we were watching Toy Story" and he gets slapped again. When he asks again what were you really doing, the kid admits they were watching porn. "See when you tell the truth you won't get slapped". The dad then says "when we were kids we didn't even have porn" The robot then slaps the father. The mom laughs and says" well he is you kid after all". So the robot slaps the mom.

Joke: I never really thought communism would work. Way to many red flags.

Joke: Today I bought a donut without sprinkles... Diets are hard!

Joke: Saturday night I was in a bar having a beer, minding my own business, when this big, hairy, mean, drunk biker dude gets in my face, and starts screaming "SUGAR IS THE ONLY WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE WHERE THE S SOUNDS LIKE SH. AM I RIGHT?" I didn't want to cause any trouble, so i said "Sure."

Joke: If anyone knows how to fix broken hinges... My door is always open.

Joke: There is a coin shortage. America is officially out of common cents.

Joke: What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?

Joke: Why shouldn't snowmen get angry?

Joke: What's a nacho's favorite dance?

Joke: A police officer called the station on his radio. "I have an interesting case here. An old lady just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped." "Have you arrested the woman?" "Not yet. The floor is still wet."

Joke: Why did the football player bring string to the game?