The Joker

Question 1

Tarzan's Beard Joke

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

Question 2

Never Sing In The Shower

Singing leads to dancing, Dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember don't sing in the shower!

Question 3

Irish Carpenter Joke

Two Irishmen were hammering floorboards down in a house. Paddy picks up a nail, realizes it's upside down and throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says, Why are you throwing them away?" "Because, they're upside down", says Paddy. "You daft twat!", replies Murphy, "Save'em for the ceiling!"

Question 4

What Was E.T. Short For Joke

What was E.T. short for?

Question 5

What Is A Pirates Favorite Letter Joke

What is a pirates favorite letter?

Question 6

Hard Tea Joke

What is the hardest tea to swallow!

Question 7

Autumn Leaves

I can't believe it's that time of the year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbors yard.

Question 8

Get Me A Beer Joke

I trained my dog to fetch me a beer. It may not sound impressive, but he gets it from the neighbors fridge!

Question 9

Being A Man Joke

Being a man means doing what I want when I want and not having to answer to... Shoot she's coming!!! To be continued.

Question 10

Blonde Raking Leaves Joke

How did the blonde break both legs while raking leaves?

Question 11

Giraffe Fart Joke

I bet giraffes don't even know what farts smell like.

Question 12

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

Wife, "Honey, don't forget to buy bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you." Husband, "Who is Valerie?" Wife, "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw buy text." Husband, "But I'm with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?" Wife, "What?! Where are you?" Husband, "Near the bakery." Wife, "Wait, I'm coming right now!" After five minutes the wife sends a message: Wife, "I'm at the bakery, where are you?" Husband, "I'm at work. Now that you're at the bakery, you can buy the bread!"

Question 13

Say Grace

Does your family say a prayer before you eat food? Nope, we're Italian, my mom knows how to cook.

Question 14

Never Done Anything Wild?

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, he's 95. We went to the food court to buy some lunch when we noticed a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look over and catch him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never did anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food to prevent choking upon hearing his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Question 15

Blondes And Cow Pies

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?

Question 16

Tree Scientist Joke

What do you call a tree that does science experiments?

Question 17

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Why was the picture frame sent to jail?

Question 18

Cat For Christmas Joke

My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally, I do a turkey but hey, if it will make them happy...

Question 19

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?

Question 20

Cross-Eyed Girl Joke

I dated a crosseyed girl but I just knew she was seeing someone on the side.

Question 21

Taking A Pole Joke

I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.

Question 22

Halloween Pumpkin Joke

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Question 23

Which Floor

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please just press one?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.

Question 24

Bear Paw Pun

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The bear says "I'll have a rum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and coke." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" The bear answers, " What can I say, I was born with 'em."

Question 25

Christmas And Crabs Pun

What do Christmas and crabs have in common?

Question 26

Thesaurus Breakfast Joke

What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Question 27

No Chocolate Ice Cream Joke

An old lady walks up to an ice cream truck and asks the guy for some chocolate ice cream. He tells her that they just sold out. She comes back a few minutes later and once again asks for chocolate ice cream. The guy in the truck told her sorry but we are all out of chocolate ice cream for the rest of the day. She comes back a few minutes later asking for some chocolate ice cream. So the guy in the truck asks her to spell the van in vanilla. "Van" she spells out. Great now spell the straw in strawberry, so she replies "straw". Very good, now do me a favor and spell the fuck in chocolate. She tells him "there is no fuck in chocolate". He replies "that's what I've been trying to tell you, lady, there is no fuckin chocolate".

Question 28

Almond Diet

I thought about going on an all almond diet... But that's just nuts!

Question 29

Get A Mouse To Smile Joke

How do you get a mouse to smile?

Question 30

Asphalt Pun

A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt. The man says "I'll take a beer ...and one for the road"

The Joker

Tarzan's Beard Joke

Never Sing In The Shower

Irish Carpenter Joke

What Was E.T. Short For Joke

What Is A Pirates Favorite Letter Joke

Hard Tea Joke

Autumn Leaves

Get Me A Beer Joke

Being A Man Joke

Blonde Raking Leaves Joke

Giraffe Fart Joke

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

Say Grace

Never Done Anything Wild?

Blondes And Cow Pies

Tree Scientist Joke

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Cat For Christmas Joke

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

Cross-Eyed Girl Joke

Taking A Pole Joke

Halloween Pumpkin Joke

Which Floor

Bear Paw Pun

Christmas And Crabs Pun

Thesaurus Breakfast Joke

No Chocolate Ice Cream Joke

Almond Diet

Get A Mouse To Smile Joke

Asphalt Pun

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