The Joker

Question 1

Locked Out Of The House

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to the lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Question 2

A Wise Man Joke

In life, it is very important to know when to stop arguing with people and just let them be wrong!

Question 3

Ran Out Of Toilet Paper Joke

Ran out of toilet paper today and now using lettuce. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

Question 4

Fish Wearing Bowtie Joke

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

Question 5

Eight Hour Day

Sometimes it takes me eight hours to get nothing done.

Question 6

Buttcheeks Joke

Is "Buttcheeks" one word?

Question 7

Beekeeper Joke

I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra!" That's a freebie.

Question 8

Secure Job Joke

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

Question 9

Koala Bear Joke

Why don't koala bears hang around other bears?

Question 10

Pirate Singers Joke

Why are pirates great singers?

Question 11

Radio For Sale

Today I saw an ad that said, "radio for sale $1, volume stuck on full." I thought, "I can't turn that down."

Question 12

How To Cure A Headache

When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle.

Question 13

Where Do Football Players Go To Get A New Uniform Joke

Where do football players go to get a new uniform?

Question 14

Clone Jokes

We should ban jokes about clones... they're all the same!

Question 15

Don The Chicken.

Don came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Don." Don was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken." Don was devastated but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Don the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never," said Don. "Well, just relax and let it happen," says the rooster. "It's no big deal. He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head and heard... "Don, wake up! You shit the bed!"

Question 16

Crowbar

A little know fact... Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.

Question 17

Drinking Buddies

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Trinidad. One day at the airport they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!' Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?' Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?' Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..' Yeah, well there's just one thing.' What's that? 'Have you farted yet? No.' Well, DON'T - cause I'm in Barbados......

Question 18

Santa R&R Pun

Where does Santa go after Christmas to relax?

Question 19

Darth Vader Pun

Darth Vaders sister Elle Vader.

Question 20

Pick A Person To Blame.

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems...

Question 21

Where Are The Easter Egg

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.

Question 22

Peek-a-boo Joke

Where do you take someone when they've been in a peek-a-boo accident?

Question 23

Caveman Survival Joke

How did the caveman survive the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs?

Question 24

Frog Wear Joke

What do stylish frogs wear?

Question 25

Igloo Joke

I wish I still had that igloo. But when I moved into it, my friends threw me a housewarming party. And I no longer had an igloo.

Question 26

Coming To Work Late Joke

I called my boss and asked if I could come in a little late. He said, "Dream on." I think that was really nice of him.

Question 27

Wolf Joke

When you teach a wolf to meditate he becomes aware wolf!

Question 28

I Talk To Myself

Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Question 29

Road To Heaven

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?' 'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked. Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up'.The man gestured, and the gate began to open. 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked. 'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.' The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. 'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?' 'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in..' 'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog. There should be a bowl by the pump.' They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. 'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked. This is Heaven,' he answered. 'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.' 'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.' 'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?' 'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Question 30

Onions And Beans Joke

What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?

The Joker

Locked Out Of The House

A Wise Man Joke

Ran Out Of Toilet Paper Joke

Fish Wearing Bowtie Joke

Eight Hour Day

Buttcheeks Joke

Beekeeper Joke

Secure Job Joke

Koala Bear Joke

Pirate Singers Joke

Radio For Sale

How To Cure A Headache

Where Do Football Players Go To Get A New Uniform Joke

Clone Jokes

Don The Chicken.

Crowbar

Drinking Buddies

Santa R&R Pun

Darth Vader Pun

Pick A Person To Blame.

Where Are The Easter Egg

Peek-a-boo Joke

Caveman Survival Joke

Frog Wear Joke

Igloo Joke

Coming To Work Late Joke

Wolf Joke

I Talk To Myself

Road To Heaven

Onions And Beans Joke

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