The Joker

Question 1

Afternoon Sex

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on the neighborhood activities. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." He Shouted. He began his commentary as his parent put their a plan into operation: "An ambulance just drove by!" "Looks like the Smiths have company." He called out. "Noah's riding his new bike!" "Looks like the Stewarts are moving!" After a few moments... "Looks like the Robinson's are having sex!" Startled, his mom and dad sat up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having sex?" "Jimmy Robinson is on his balcony with a popsicle."

Question 2

Good Years

I had a happy childhood; Dad would roll me down the hill in a tire. Those were Goodyears.

Question 3

Chicken Sandwiches Joke

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't! It just craps on the floor.

Question 4

Banana Goes To The Doctor

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Question 5

Tarzan's Beard Joke

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

Question 6

Black Coffee

A new study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic behavior. And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to become their victims.

Question 7

Never Sing In The Shower

Singing leads to dancing, Dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember don't sing in the shower!

Question 8

Stimulus Check Joke

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.

Question 9

What Was E.T. Short For Joke

What was E.T. short for?

Question 10

Autumn Leaves

I can't believe it's that time of the year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbors yard.

Question 11

Get Me A Beer Joke

I trained my dog to fetch me a beer. It may not sound impressive, but he gets it from the neighbors fridge!

Question 12

People Person Joke

I used to be a people person... but people ruined that for me!

Question 13

Blonde Raking Leaves Joke

How did the blonde break both legs while raking leaves?

Question 14

My Friend David

My friend David lost his id, we now call him Dav.

Question 15

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

Wife, "Honey, don't forget to buy bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you." Husband, "Who is Valerie?" Wife, "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw buy text." Husband, "But I'm with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?" Wife, "What?! Where are you?" Husband, "Near the bakery." Wife, "Wait, I'm coming right now!" After five minutes the wife sends a message: Wife, "I'm at the bakery, where are you?" Husband, "I'm at work. Now that you're at the bakery, you can buy the bread!"

Question 16

Men Never Listen Joke

In a hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. The next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. "The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow." "MEN NEVER LISTEN"

Question 17

Never Done Anything Wild?

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, he's 95. We went to the food court to buy some lunch when we noticed a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look over and catch him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never did anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food to prevent choking upon hearing his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Question 18

My Wife's Birthday

My Wife's birthday is coming up in a few months. She's leaving jewelry catalogs around the house. Think I'll buy her a magazine rack.

Question 19

Blondes And Cow Pies

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?

Question 20

Leading Cause Of Dry Skin Joke

What’s the leading cause of dry skin?

Question 21

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Why was the picture frame sent to jail?

Question 22

50 Cent Hungry Joke

What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?

Question 23

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?

Question 24

Why Did The Thief Wear Blue Gloves?

Why did the thief wear blue gloves?

Question 25

Money Joke

Money. May not make you happy. But will pay for vacation, lunches, dinners, cars, houses, flowers, children education, medical bills, and tacos!

Question 26

Halloween Vampire And Snowman Joke

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Question 27

Which Floor

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please just press one?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.

Question 28

Mummy's Favorite Music Halloween Joke

What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?

Question 29

Santa Pun

Santa got stuck in a chimney a few years back? Now he gets Claustrophobia.

Question 30

Thesaurus Breakfast Joke

What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?

The Joker

Afternoon Sex

Good Years

Chicken Sandwiches Joke

Banana Goes To The Doctor

Tarzan's Beard Joke

Black Coffee

Never Sing In The Shower

Stimulus Check Joke

What Was E.T. Short For Joke

Autumn Leaves

Get Me A Beer Joke

People Person Joke

Blonde Raking Leaves Joke

My Friend David

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

Men Never Listen Joke

Never Done Anything Wild?

My Wife's Birthday

Blondes And Cow Pies

Leading Cause Of Dry Skin Joke

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

50 Cent Hungry Joke

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

Why Did The Thief Wear Blue Gloves?

Money Joke

Halloween Vampire And Snowman Joke

Which Floor

Mummy's Favorite Music Halloween Joke

Santa Pun

Thesaurus Breakfast Joke

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