The Joker

Question 1

Beekeeper Joke

I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra!" That's a freebie.

Question 2

Robot Guacamole Joke

What do robots have with their guacamole?

Question 3

German Sausage Pun

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Question 4

Group Of Baby Soldiers Joke

What do you call a group of baby soldiers?

Question 5

Skipping Rope Pun

I'm terrified of skipping ropes, bungees and trampolines....They make me jump.

Question 6

What Do You Call A Cat That Sucks Lemons?

What do you call a cat that sucks lemons?

Question 7

Blue And Not Heavy Joke

What is blue and not heavy?

Question 8

Nose Picker Joke

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like was just born with mine.

Question 9

Santa R&R Pun

Where does Santa go after Christmas to relax?

Question 10

Stopped Drinking Coffee

I found that I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice. My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it's the vodka.

Question 11

Army Bush Pun

If you don't know what this is don't ever join the Army. You don't even know an ambush when you see one.

Question 12

Road To Heaven

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?' 'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked. Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up'.The man gestured, and the gate began to open. 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked. 'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.' The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. 'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?' 'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in..' 'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog. There should be a bowl by the pump.' They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. 'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked. This is Heaven,' he answered. 'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.' 'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.' 'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?' 'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Question 13

Potato Day Joke

What day of the week does a potato hate the most?

Question 14

I Switched All The Labels On My Wife's Spice Rack...

I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack... I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

Question 15

Ex Wife Joke

This was a terrible day. First my ex-wife got hit by a bus. Then, I lost my job as a bus driver.

Question 16

Wife And Kids Joke

I keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet... It reminds me of why there is no money there!

Question 17

Talking Plate Joke

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Question 18

A Man Goes To The Optician Joke

A man goes to the Optician for his eye test. The Optician asks him what he can see. "I see empty airports, empty football stadiums, closed theaters, and closed pubs." "That's perfect," says the Optician. "You've got 2020 vision!"

Question 19

Igloo Joke

I wish I still had that igloo. But when I moved into it, my friends threw me a housewarming party. And I no longer had an igloo.

Question 20

Mafia Hit Men Joke

Two mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night. One of them says, "I'm kind of scared out here." The other replies, "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"

Question 21

Don't Honk In The Drive Through

I know I shouldn't have, but I am old and I was in the McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again, Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.

Question 22

U.S. Coin Shortage

Did you hear that there is a coin shortage?

Question 23

A Guy Sits Down At The Bar Joke

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. "Is everything ok, pal? the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight and she isn't talking to me for a month!" Trying to put a positive spin on things the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know... a little peace and quiet?" The guy replies, "Yeah, but today is the last day!"

Question 24

I Talk To Myself

Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Question 25

Penguin House

How does a penguin build its house?

Question 26

Eat Homework Joke

Why did the student eat his homework?

Question 27

Why Was Dracula Afraid Of Cows Joke

Why was Dracula afraid of cows?

Question 28

Boomerang Grenade Joke

Sad news today, the guy that invented the boomerang hand grenade died yesterday during product testing.

Question 29

Psychiatrist To Me I Had A Split Personality

I went to the psychiatrist today. She told me I have a split personality and charged me $160.

Question 30

IQ Test Results

If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.

The Joker

Beekeeper Joke

Robot Guacamole Joke

German Sausage Pun

Group Of Baby Soldiers Joke

Skipping Rope Pun

What Do You Call A Cat That Sucks Lemons?

Blue And Not Heavy Joke

Nose Picker Joke

Santa R&R Pun

Stopped Drinking Coffee

Army Bush Pun

Road To Heaven

Potato Day Joke

I Switched All The Labels On My Wife's Spice Rack...

Ex Wife Joke

Wife And Kids Joke

Talking Plate Joke

A Man Goes To The Optician Joke

Igloo Joke

Mafia Hit Men Joke

Don't Honk In The Drive Through

U.S. Coin Shortage

A Guy Sits Down At The Bar Joke

I Talk To Myself

Penguin House

Eat Homework Joke

Why Was Dracula Afraid Of Cows Joke

Boomerang Grenade Joke

Psychiatrist To Me I Had A Split Personality

IQ Test Results

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