The Joker

Question 1

Little Johnny Loves Nickels

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. The favorite joke is to offer Johnny the choice between a nickel and a dime, Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel is bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

Question 2

Coming To Work Late Joke

I called my boss and asked if I could come in a little late. He said, "Dream on." I think that was really nice of him.

Question 3

Wolf Joke

When you teach a wolf to meditate he becomes aware wolf!

Question 4

Road To Heaven

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?' 'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked. Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up'.The man gestured, and the gate began to open. 'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked. 'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.' The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. 'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?' 'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in..' 'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog. There should be a bowl by the pump.' They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree. 'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked. This is Heaven,' he answered. 'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.' 'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.' 'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?' 'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Question 5

Onions And Beans Joke

What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?

Question 6

Apartments Joke

Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?

Question 7

Robot Guacamole Joke

What do robots have with their guacamole?

Question 8

Skipping Rope Pun

I'm terrified of skipping ropes, bungees and trampolines....They make me jump.

Question 9

What Do You Call A Cat That Sucks Lemons?

What do you call a cat that sucks lemons?

Question 10

Blue And Not Heavy Joke

What is blue and not heavy?

Question 11

Nose Picker Joke

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like was just born with mine.

Question 12

Calendar Joke

Would February March? No, but April May.

Question 13

Penguin House

How does a penguin build its house?

Question 14

Stopped Drinking Coffee

I found that I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice. My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it's the vodka.

Question 15

Why Was Dracula Afraid Of Cows Joke

Why was Dracula afraid of cows?

Question 16

Potato Day Joke

What day of the week does a potato hate the most?

Question 17

I Switched All The Labels On My Wife's Spice Rack...

I switched all the labels on my wife's spice rack... I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.

Question 18

Twins Favorite Fruit

What are twins favorite fruit?

Question 19

Ex Wife Joke

This was a terrible day. First my ex-wife got hit by a bus. Then, I lost my job as a bus driver.

Question 20

Wife And Kids Joke

I keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet... It reminds me of why there is no money there!

Question 21

Talking Plate Joke

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Question 22

Energizer Bunny Pun

Energizer bunny arrested: Charged with battery.

Question 23

A Man Goes To The Optician Joke

A man goes to the Optician for his eye test. The Optician asks him what he can see. "I see empty airports, empty football stadiums, closed theaters, and closed pubs." "That's perfect," says the Optician. "You've got 2020 vision!"

Question 24

The Wife's Cat Joke

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

Question 25

Don't Honk In The Drive Through

I know I shouldn't have, but I am old and I was in the McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again, Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.

Question 26

I Talk To Myself

Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Question 27

Eat Homework Joke

Why did the student eat his homework?

Question 28

Boomerang Grenade Joke

Sad news today, the guy that invented the boomerang hand grenade died yesterday during product testing.

Question 29

Ghost Didn't Eat His Candy Joke

Why didn't the ghost eat his candy?

Question 30

Jelly Fish Joke

What's in the middle of a jellyfish?

The Joker

Little Johnny Loves Nickels

Coming To Work Late Joke

Wolf Joke

Road To Heaven

Onions And Beans Joke

Apartments Joke

Robot Guacamole Joke

Skipping Rope Pun

What Do You Call A Cat That Sucks Lemons?

Blue And Not Heavy Joke

Nose Picker Joke

Calendar Joke

Penguin House

Stopped Drinking Coffee

Why Was Dracula Afraid Of Cows Joke

Potato Day Joke

I Switched All The Labels On My Wife's Spice Rack...

Twins Favorite Fruit

Ex Wife Joke

Wife And Kids Joke

Talking Plate Joke

Energizer Bunny Pun

A Man Goes To The Optician Joke

The Wife's Cat Joke

Don't Honk In The Drive Through

I Talk To Myself

Eat Homework Joke

Boomerang Grenade Joke

Ghost Didn't Eat His Candy Joke

Jelly Fish Joke

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