The Joker
Joke Count: 1228
Joke: My earliest childhood memory was getting my first pair of glasses... Life before that was a blur.
Joke: The graveyard service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
Joke: What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Joke: This girl said she recognized me from some vegan restaurant but I knew I'd never met herbivore.
Joke: When one door closes, another one opens. This is the last time I'm buying a used car.
Joke: What do you call an old apple?
Joke: Sad news today, the guy that invented the boomerang hand grenade died yesterday during product testing.
Joke: What did the upset toast say about my compliments?
Joke: A businessman in the first-class cabin decided to chat up the drop-dead, gorgeous flight attendant: "What is your name?" Flight Attendant: "Angela Benz, sir" Businessman: "Lovely name ... Any relation to Mercedes Benz?" Flight Attendant: "Yes sir, very close" Businessman: "How close?" Flight Attendant: "Same price."
Joke: What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?
Joke: What do robots have with their guacamole?
Joke: What kind of bird works at a construction site?
Joke: I hate it when people don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". There stupid.
Joke: Why was the spider using the computer?
Joke: What did one plate say to the other plate?
Joke: A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one.
Joke: I bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't! It just craps on the floor.
Joke: How do you make holy water?
Joke: Orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should be thrown out in November.
Joke: Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake!
Joke: If you have to wear both mask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation.
Joke: If you see me smiling, it's because I'm thinking of doing something naughty. If you see me laughing, I've already done it.
Joke: Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was pizza, I ate pizza.
Joke: What do you call a cat that sucks lemons?
Joke: What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?
Joke: What’s the difference between a liter of Coke and deer testicles?
Joke: Why did the vegetable call a plumber?
Joke: I pretended to fall asleep and I fell asleep. Now, I'm going to pretend to be skinny.
Joke: What did the Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?
Joke: What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips?