The Joker

Joke Count: 1228
Joke: It's important to look carefully at lawn signs during an election. Last time I voted for a real estate agent.
VOTE
Joke: Dumb and Nobody are best friends. One day they decide to go for a bike ride. They start riding their bikes. Suddenly Nobody falls off his bike. Dumb calls the police and says: OH MY GOD!! Nobody fell off a bike!!! Police lady: What the heck? Are you dumb?
VOTE
Joke: Sometimes it takes me eight hours to get nothing done.
VOTE
Joke: It's autumn. My wife asked me why I won't rake the leaves?. I said, "It's because they're called leaves. If they were called pick-me-ups I would pick them up, but they're called leaves so I leave them."
VOTE
Joke: I'm reading a book called "Quick Money for Dummies", by Robin Banks.
VOTE
Joke: When quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.
VOTE
Joke: This is the first year I'm not going to Fiji due to COVID-19. I usually don't go because I'm poor!
VOTE
Joke: Just read the CEO of IKEA was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.
VOTE
Joke: Ran out of toilet paper today and now using lettuce. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
VOTE
Joke: What did the beaver say when he swam into a wall? DAM!
VOTE
Joke: To me, essential oils are what drips out of a taco.
VOTE
Joke: What did one hat say to the other hat?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: My wife bought a Christmas cake last week and now we can't find it. I think it was stollen.
VOTE
Joke: I buy all my weapons from a guy named T-REX... He's a small arms dealer!
VOTE
Joke: My job is secure. No one else wants it.
VOTE
Joke: How does a farmer find new cows to buy?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A women asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
VOTE
Joke: Where do you take someone when they've been in a peek-a-boo accident?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: What do you call a group of baby soldiers?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Why don't koala bears hang around other bears?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: Today I saw an ad that said, "radio for sale $1, volume stuck on full." I thought, "I can't turn that down."
VOTE
Joke: Why can't Donald Trump go to the White House anymore?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: I was behind a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for lollies, biscuits, all sorts of things. The granddad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy." Another outburst and I heard the granddad calmly say: "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William." Well, I was really impressed, and when I got outside I saw the grandfather loading his groceries and the boy into the car. I walked over and said to the Grandad "Its none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his granddad." "Thanks," said the Granddad. "But I am William. That little a-hole's name is Kevin!
VOTE
Joke: What's the difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser?
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
VOTE
Joke: Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Trinidad. One day at the airport they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!' Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?' Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?' Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..' Yeah, well there's just one thing.' What's that? 'Have you farted yet? No.' Well, DON'T - cause I'm in Barbados......
VOTE
Joke: Stop blaming everyone for all your problems...
Punch Line
VOTE
Joke: So, I was at Walmart earlier. A lady was looking at the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" He replies with a straight face, "No ma'am, they're dead."
VOTE
Joke: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
VOTE
Joke: What do stylish frogs wear?
Punch Line
VOTE