The Joker

Question 1

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied... "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

Question 2

Clear The Table Joke

My wife asked me to clear the dining table...I had to get a running start but I made it!

Question 3

The Long Drive

It was a sunny Saturday morning and Brian was beginning his pre-shot routine -- visualizing his upcoming shot -- when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the ladies tee back up to the men's tee, please!" Brian was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!" Brian had had enough. He shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"

Question 4

Keep A Bottle Of Wine In The Fridge Joke

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions... Sometimes the special occasion is that you have a bottle of wine in the fridge!

Question 5

Apartments Joke

Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?

Question 6

Child Extortion

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."

Question 7

Timing Is Everything Joke

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Question 8

Finishing Up Yesterdays Work Joke

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing up what I did yesterday.

Question 9

Egg On The Barn Joke

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

Question 10

Picking Berries

When Gathering Berries... You have to be picky!

Question 11

Santa’s Favorite Singer Joke

Who is Santa's favorite singer?

Question 12

Chemist Joke

I don't want to get to technical but... Chemists think alcohol is a solution!

Question 13

Class Trip Pun

Class trip to Coca-Cola. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Question 14

I'm Crazy Joke

I just asked myself if I'm crazy. We said no.

Question 15

Jewish Grandma

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 30. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?....... "What..... You're coming empty handed?"

Question 16

Rodent Repellent Joke

Has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice?

Question 17

Weed And Books

If you smoke weed, you get high. If you read books, you get educated. If you do both, you get highly educated.

Question 18

Lawyer And The Stop Sign Joke

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big-shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than a sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Now tell me, do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Question 19

Dubai Abu Dhabi Difference Joke

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Question 20

Hold Water Joke

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water. I was like well damn.

Question 21

What Do You Get If You Are Allergic To Noodles?

What do you get if you are allergic to noodles?

Question 22

Trees Poop Joke

How do we know that trees poop?

Question 23

Why Did The Dragon Sleep All Day?

Why did the dragon sleep all day?

Question 24

Cat For Christmas Joke

My kids say they want a cat for Christmas. Normally, I do a turkey but hey, if it will make them happy...

Question 25

Steal A Coat Joke

How do you steal a coat?

Question 26

Sex Life Joke

This guy was having trouble with his sex life so his doctor suggested he try jogging 10 miles a day. He called his doctor a week later and when asked about how his sex life is going he answered "How would I know Doc... I'm 70 miles from home."

Question 27

What Did Dracula Suffer From After Biting A Snowman Joke

What did Dracula suffer from after biting a snowman?

Question 28

Building With The Most Stories Joke

What building in your town has the most stories?

Question 29

Trick Or Treating With Twin Witches Joke

What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging?

Question 30

What Do You Call Dracula When Hes Shopping For Bargains Joke

What do you call Dracula when he's shopping for bargains?

The Joker

SERENITY

Clear The Table Joke

The Long Drive

Keep A Bottle Of Wine In The Fridge Joke

Apartments Joke

Child Extortion

Timing Is Everything Joke

Finishing Up Yesterdays Work Joke

Egg On The Barn Joke

Picking Berries

Santa’s Favorite Singer Joke

Chemist Joke

Class Trip Pun

I'm Crazy Joke

Jewish Grandma

Rodent Repellent Joke

Weed And Books

Lawyer And The Stop Sign Joke

Dubai Abu Dhabi Difference Joke

Hold Water Joke

What Do You Get If You Are Allergic To Noodles?

Trees Poop Joke

Why Did The Dragon Sleep All Day?

Cat For Christmas Joke

Steal A Coat Joke

Sex Life Joke

What Did Dracula Suffer From After Biting A Snowman Joke

Building With The Most Stories Joke

Trick Or Treating With Twin Witches Joke

What Do You Call Dracula When Hes Shopping For Bargains Joke

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