The Joker

Question 1

Timing Is Everything Joke

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Question 2

Marketing Joke

Why don't marketers like trampolines?

Question 3

Picking Berries

When Gathering Berries... You have to be picky!

Question 4

Santa’s Favorite Singer Joke

Who is Santa's favorite singer?

Question 5

Did You Know Alligator Vs Crocodile Joke

Did you know? You can distinguish between an alligator and a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.

Question 6

Cremation

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

Question 7

Zoo With No Dogs Joke

What do you call a zoo with no dogs?

Question 8

What's A Snake Favorite Subject Kids Joke

What's a snake favorite school subject?

Question 9

Declaration Of Independence Joke

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

Question 10

Class Trip Pun

Class trip to Coca-Cola. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Question 11

Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe Joke

Why was the old woman forced to live in a shoe?

Question 12

I'm Crazy Joke

I just asked myself if I'm crazy. We said no.

Question 13

Jewish Grandma

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 30. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?....... "What..... You're coming empty handed?"

Question 14

Ex Wife Dress Joke

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ”Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.” A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ”Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.” Her mother just smiled and replied, ”Of course I do, dear……I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.”

Question 15

Talking Lights Joke

What did one light say to the other light?

Question 16

Husband's Birthday

A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club for his birthday... At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim, how are you?" The wife asks, "How does he know you?" Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the bartender says, "The usual, Jim?" Jim says to his wife, "Before you say anything, he's on the darts team." Next, a stripper says, "Hi Jim! Do you crave the special again?" The wife storms out dragon Jim with her and jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver says, "Hey Jimmy Boy, you picked up an ugly one this time!..." Jim's funeral is Sunday!

Question 17

Inviting A Friend To Dinner Joke

Roger brings his buddy home to dinner without telling his wife. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just has to sit there and listen. Wife: "I look a mess, the house is dirty, the sink is full of dirty dishes, I'm wearing my comfy sweats and I don't have anything to make and I don't feel like cooking tonight! Why the hell would you bring him home?" Roger: "Because, he's thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo"

Question 18

Daylight Saving Time

Clocks are supposed to fall back on Nov. 1st. Think I'll set mine forward at least two months because nobody wants to fall back in 2020.

Question 19

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!

Question 20

She's A Keeper!

A note from my wife. "Hey Sweetie, I'm at work. Dinner is on the stove, you only have to light it, the gas is already turned on. Love you XOXO!

Question 21

What Do You Get If You Are Allergic To Noodles?

What do you get if you are allergic to noodles?

Question 22

Why Did The Dragon Sleep All Day?

Why did the dragon sleep all day?

Question 23

Best Irish Toast Joke

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

Question 24

Wine Question

Friend, "On average, how much do you spend on a bottle of wine?

Question 25

What Does It Take To Be An Organ Donor?

What does it take to be an organ donor?

Question 26

Steal A Coat Joke

How do you steal a coat?

Question 27

Psychiatrist Pun

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office completely wrapped in cellophane. The doctor looks at the guy and says "well I can obviously see your nuts."

Question 28

Sex Life Joke

This guy was having trouble with his sex life so his doctor suggested he try jogging 10 miles a day. He called his doctor a week later and when asked about how his sex life is going he answered "How would I know Doc... I'm 70 miles from home."

Question 29

Trick Or Treating With Twin Witches Joke

What makes trick or treating with twin witches so challenging?

Question 30

Final Memory Joke

Your final memory will be going down a dark tunnel with a light at the end... That's my earliest memory too!

The Joker

Timing Is Everything Joke

Marketing Joke

Picking Berries

Santa’s Favorite Singer Joke

Did You Know Alligator Vs Crocodile Joke

Cremation

Zoo With No Dogs Joke

What's A Snake Favorite Subject Kids Joke

Declaration Of Independence Joke

Class Trip Pun

Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe Joke

I'm Crazy Joke

Jewish Grandma

Ex Wife Dress Joke

Talking Lights Joke

Husband's Birthday

Inviting A Friend To Dinner Joke

Daylight Saving Time

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

She's A Keeper!

What Do You Get If You Are Allergic To Noodles?

Why Did The Dragon Sleep All Day?

Best Irish Toast Joke

Wine Question

What Does It Take To Be An Organ Donor?

Steal A Coat Joke

Psychiatrist Pun

Sex Life Joke

Trick Or Treating With Twin Witches Joke

Final Memory Joke

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