The Joker

Question 1

Dolly Parton Diet

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!

Question 2

Final Memory Joke

Your final memory will be going down a dark tunnel with a light at the end... That's my earliest memory too!

Question 3

Quiet Dog Joke

What do you give your dog when you want it to be quiet?

Question 4

Dog Zoo Joke

Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog?

Question 5

Irish Jesus Joke

Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?

Question 6

Sheep Vacation Destination Joke

Where do sheep go on vacation?

Question 7

Rut Vs Grave

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Question 8

Did You Know Alligator Vs Crocodile Joke

Did you know? You can distinguish between an alligator and a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.

Question 9

Cremation

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

Question 10

Zoo With No Dogs Joke

What do you call a zoo with no dogs?

Question 11

Mom's Lunch Joke

What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?

Question 12

What's A Snake Favorite Subject Kids Joke

What's a snake favorite school subject?

Question 13

Declaration Of Independence Joke

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

Question 14

Theatrical Puns

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Question 15

Pizza Joke

I have a joke about pizza... It's a little cheesy!

Question 16

Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe Joke

Why was the old woman forced to live in a shoe?

Question 17

Ex Wife Dress Joke

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ”Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.” A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ”Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.” Her mother just smiled and replied, ”Of course I do, dear……I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.”

Question 18

Talking Lights Joke

What did one light say to the other light?

Question 19

You Like My Smile

A man and a woman were traveling on a train. Woman, "Every time you smile I feel like inviting you over to my place." Man, "Aww are you single?" Woman, "No, I'm a dentist."

Question 20

1st Day As A CSI

Detective: How did this man drown?

Question 21

Don't Drink And Drive Joke

Cop, "What's in the bottle." Lady, "Just water." Cop, "Ma'am that's wine!" Lady, "OMG, Jesus did it again!"

Question 22

Inviting A Friend To Dinner Joke

Roger brings his buddy home to dinner without telling his wife. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just has to sit there and listen. Wife: "I look a mess, the house is dirty, the sink is full of dirty dishes, I'm wearing my comfy sweats and I don't have anything to make and I don't feel like cooking tonight! Why the hell would you bring him home?" Roger: "Because, he's thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo"

Question 23

Daylight Saving Time

Clocks are supposed to fall back on Nov. 1st. Think I'll set mine forward at least two months because nobody wants to fall back in 2020.

Question 24

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!

Question 25

Wisdom Comes With Age Joke

As you get older, you'll realize that a $300 watch and a $30 watch both tell the same time. A Micheal Kors wallet and a Forever 21 wallet hold the same amount of money. A $300,000 house and a $100,000 house host the same loneliness. A Ford will drive you as far as a Bentley. True happiness is not found in materialistic things, it comes from the love and laughter found with each other. Stay humble... the holes dug for us in the ground are the same size.

Question 26

She's A Keeper!

A note from my wife. "Hey Sweetie, I'm at work. Dinner is on the stove, you only have to light it, the gas is already turned on. Love you XOXO!

Question 27

Condensation In Home Joke

Does anyone know how to stop condensation in my home? Please call, the kettle is always on.

Question 28

Why Did The Author Put On A Sweater?

Why did the author put on a sweater?

Question 29

An Irish Prayer Joke

An Irishman was flustered about not being able to find a parking space. "Lord," he prayed, "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday." Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man said, "Never mind, I found one."

Question 30

Wine Question

Friend, "On average, how much do you spend on a bottle of wine?

The Joker

Dolly Parton Diet

Final Memory Joke

Quiet Dog Joke

Dog Zoo Joke

Irish Jesus Joke

Sheep Vacation Destination Joke

Rut Vs Grave

Did You Know Alligator Vs Crocodile Joke

Cremation

Zoo With No Dogs Joke

Mom's Lunch Joke

What's A Snake Favorite Subject Kids Joke

Declaration Of Independence Joke

Theatrical Puns

Pizza Joke

Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe Joke

Ex Wife Dress Joke

Talking Lights Joke

You Like My Smile

1st Day As A CSI

Don't Drink And Drive Joke

Inviting A Friend To Dinner Joke

Daylight Saving Time

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

Wisdom Comes With Age Joke

She's A Keeper!

Condensation In Home Joke

Why Did The Author Put On A Sweater?

An Irish Prayer Joke

Wine Question

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