The Joker

Question 1

Leftover Bacon?

Someone asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I've never heard of that kind of bacon.

Question 2

Minneapolis Joke

We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

Question 3

Why Do Male Dogs Float In Water Joke

Why do male dogs float in water?

Question 4

A Scotsman And His Wife

A Scotsman and his wife walk past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!" Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the hell..., I'll treat her!" So, they walked past it again.

Question 5

Singing In The Shower

Singing in the shower is all fun and game until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Question 6

Water Tower Joke

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Question 7

A Blondes Dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that now was named Rolex and the other one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming their dogs like that?" "Helloooooo...," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

Question 8

Sick Ant Joke

Why don't ants get sick?

Question 9

Vegetarian Chile Joke

My Child doesn't want to eat meat. What can I replace it with?

Question 10

Not Scared Of The Devil

The devil shows up in a church and everyone runs out but an old man. The devil says, "Why don't you run, aren't you afraid of me?" The old man replies, "Nope, I'm married to your sister!"

Question 11

Happy Frogs Joke

Why are frogs so happy?

Question 12

Coming Home From Business Trip Joke

A mother-in-law arrives home from the mall to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened?", she asks anxiously. "What happened! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my business trip. I get home, and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife, with a guy in our bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "I told you there must be a simple explanation... she didn't get the email."

Question 13

What Women Want

I asked, "Alexa, what do women want?" It hasn't shut up for nine days!

Question 14

Cow In An Earthquake Joke

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Question 15

Rabbit Joke

What do you call a rabbit that tells a good joke?

Question 16

Romantic Dinner

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared straight ahead. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman stared straight ahead. The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."

Question 17

How To Solve 100% Of Your Problems

Yesterday I saw a book called "How to solve 50% of your problems", so I bought two.

Question 18

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant Joke

Doctor: Your girlfriend Is pregnant. Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex. Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke? Guy: No I'm sure it didn't. Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story... A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts BANG at the tiger. The tiger died. Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger. Doctor: Exactly.

Question 19

How Do You Spell Orange Joke.

I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell "orange", and you asked me the fruit or the color it kinda caught me off guard.

Question 20

Captain Obvious

Do you ever notice that when geese fly in a "V" formation, one side is always longer than the other?

Question 21

Athens Sunrise Pun

Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Question 22

Florist Joke

The first five florist I called knew nothing about carpet or tile. And suddenly I'm the idiot.

Question 23

Two Ways To Argue...

There are two ways to argue with a woman... Neither one of them works.

Question 24

Two Lesbians In A Closet Joke

What do you call two lesbians in a closet?

Question 25

Voting Elves Joke

Where do Elves go to vote?

Question 26

Hawaiian Pizza

I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.

Question 27

Fried Chicken Joke

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too, especially chicken, pork, and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

Question 28

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather passed away, Allie went straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack when we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Allie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing to strenuous, simple in wth the ding and out with the dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued. "He'd still be alive if the ice-cream truck hadn't come along."

Question 29

2000 Year Old Stain Joke

I saw a 2000 years old stain... It was from ancient greece.

Question 30

Refusing To Nap Joke

I refuse to take a nap... Is that resisting a rest?

The Joker

Leftover Bacon?

Minneapolis Joke

Why Do Male Dogs Float In Water Joke

A Scotsman And His Wife

Singing In The Shower

Water Tower Joke

A Blondes Dogs

Sick Ant Joke

Vegetarian Chile Joke

Not Scared Of The Devil

Happy Frogs Joke

Coming Home From Business Trip Joke

What Women Want

Cow In An Earthquake Joke

Rabbit Joke

Romantic Dinner

How To Solve 100% Of Your Problems

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant Joke

How Do You Spell Orange Joke.

Captain Obvious

Athens Sunrise Pun

Florist Joke

Two Ways To Argue...

Two Lesbians In A Closet Joke

Voting Elves Joke

Hawaiian Pizza

Fried Chicken Joke

Sunday Morning Sex

2000 Year Old Stain Joke

Refusing To Nap Joke

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