The Joker

Question 1

Does Anyone Know CPR?

I was drinking a margarita at a bar when a waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet!" and we all laughed and laughed. Well. except one guy.

Question 2

Stupid And Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain... God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me... God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Question 3

Mothers Group Therapy Session Joke

A Psychiatrist conducted a group therapy session with 4 mothers. "You all have obsessions," he says. To the 1st mother, he says, "You are obsessed with eating, & even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the 2nd Mother, "You're obsessed with w/money, and you named your child Penny." He turns to the 3rd Mother, "Your obsession is alcohol, & you named your child Brandy." At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand & whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!"

Question 4

Troubles To Bed

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.

Question 5

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

How do you get a good price on a sled?

Question 6

Dracula Halloween Joke

Why is Dracula so easy to trick on Halloween?

Question 7

Trying New Positions

Wife, "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Husband, "Excellent idea!" Wife, "Ok, you stand at the sink and wash the dishes and I'll be on the couch and watching tv."

Question 8

Ghost Are Bad Liars Halloween Joke

Why are ghosts bad liars?

Question 9

Orchestra Joke

I told my son he couldn't watch the orchestra anymore and he asked why? Because there's too much sax and violins!

Question 10

What Came First?

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

Question 11

Bear Warning Joke

WARNING! When hiking, please take precaution and affix little bells to clothing to avoid surprising a bear. You are further advised to carry pepper spray in case of a bear encounter. Be vigilant and know the difference between bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear feces has bells in it and smells like pepper.

Question 12

Elements Joke

How often do you like jokes about elements?

Question 13

Cookie Doctor Joke

When does a cookie go to see a doctor?

Question 14

Balloon Music Joke

What type of music are balloons afraid of?

Question 15

Police Interview Joke

The police asked where I was between 5 and 6.. so I told them nursery school.

Question 16

Gang Of Ghosts Joke

What do you call a gang of ghosts?

Question 17

Tennessee And Arkansas

What did Tennessee?

Question 18

Skeleton Dance Joke

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Question 19

Numbers Joke

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Question 20

Corduroy Pillow Pun

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're really making headlines.

Question 21

Christmas Bakery Hideaway Joke

Who hides in the bakery at christmas?

Question 22

Doctors And Lawyers Coke Joke

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes, and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said, " I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

Question 23

Bowl Of Pretzels Pun

This guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're really good looking." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels and orders a beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a beer, great choice." Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!" the bartender replies "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary."

Question 24

Thin Line Joke

There is a thin line between a numerator and a denominator... And only a fraction of people can understand that.

Question 25

Guy Fell Into A Well Joke

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? It turns out he couldn't see that well.

Question 26

Gardening Season Joke

It's gardening season. 6 weeks ago I planted my arse on the sofa. It's grown considerably

Question 27

A Native American Psychiatrist Pun

A Native American goes to see his psychiatrist about the dreams he is having. After describing that one is about teepees and the other is about wigwams the psychiatrist tells him he knows what the problem is and tells him "you must be two tents".

Question 28

A Dinosaur And A Pig Joke

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?

Question 29

Gold Digger Joke

A 65 year old millionaire has married a beautiful 23 old model, You crafty old devil, says his friend, How did you manage to get a lovely wife like that? Easy, replies the millionaire, I told her I was 95...

Question 30

Book Fell On My Head Joke

Yesterday a book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.

The Joker

Does Anyone Know CPR?

Stupid And Beautiful

Mothers Group Therapy Session Joke

Troubles To Bed

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

Dracula Halloween Joke

Trying New Positions

Ghost Are Bad Liars Halloween Joke

Orchestra Joke

What Came First?

Bear Warning Joke

Elements Joke

Cookie Doctor Joke

Balloon Music Joke

Police Interview Joke

Gang Of Ghosts Joke

Tennessee And Arkansas

Skeleton Dance Joke

Numbers Joke

Corduroy Pillow Pun

Christmas Bakery Hideaway Joke

Doctors And Lawyers Coke Joke

Bowl Of Pretzels Pun

Thin Line Joke

Guy Fell Into A Well Joke

Gardening Season Joke

A Native American Psychiatrist Pun

A Dinosaur And A Pig Joke

Gold Digger Joke

Book Fell On My Head Joke

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