The Joker

Question 1

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant Joke

Doctor: Your girlfriend Is pregnant. Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex. Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke? Guy: No I'm sure it didn't. Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story... A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts BANG at the tiger. The tiger died. Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger. Doctor: Exactly.

Question 2

How Do You Spell Orange Joke.

I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell "orange", and you asked me the fruit or the color it kinda caught me off guard.

Question 3

Captain Obvious

Do you ever notice that when geese fly in a "V" formation, one side is always longer than the other?

Question 4

Florist Joke

The first five florist I called knew nothing about carpet or tile. And suddenly I'm the idiot.

Question 5

Song Composer Pun

My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

Question 6

Voting Elves Joke

Where do Elves go to vote?

Question 7

Coming With The Broom

Husband, "Honey I broke a glass in the kitchen." Wife, "I'm coming with the broom." Husband, "It isn't urgent, you can come on foot."

Question 8

Hawaiian Pizza

I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.

Question 9

Life Before A Computer Joke

A memory was something you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider home. A virus was the flu. A cd was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy... you just hoped nobody found out.

Question 10

Fried Chicken Joke

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too, especially chicken, pork, and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

Question 11

2000 Year Old Stain Joke

I saw a 2000 years old stain... It was from ancient greece.

Question 12

Refusing To Nap Joke

I refuse to take a nap... Is that resisting a rest?

Question 13

Does Anyone Know CPR?

I was drinking a margarita at a bar when a waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet!" and we all laughed and laughed. Well. except one guy.

Question 14

Weight Loss Joke

I'll tell you why I can't lose weight... I've got metal fillings in my teeth and the refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen.

Question 15

Mothers Group Therapy Session Joke

A Psychiatrist conducted a group therapy session with 4 mothers. "You all have obsessions," he says. To the 1st mother, he says, "You are obsessed with eating, & even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the 2nd Mother, "You're obsessed with w/money, and you named your child Penny." He turns to the 3rd Mother, "Your obsession is alcohol, & you named your child Brandy." At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand & whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!"

Question 16

Troubles To Bed

Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.

Question 17

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

How do you get a good price on a sled?

Question 18

Walk A Mile In Their Shoes Joke

Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way if you do criticize them you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

Question 19

Frisbee Pun

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger….then it hit me

Question 20

Knock Knock Pun

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize.

Question 21

Dracula Halloween Joke

Why is Dracula so easy to trick on Halloween?

Question 22

A Guy Who Did Everything Right

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like "Brian! Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like me coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan. Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then. Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him? Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his widow"

Question 23

Ghost Are Bad Liars Halloween Joke

Why are ghosts bad liars?

Question 24

Axe Pun

Two guys got into a fight on the bus here yesterday and one of the guys threw a hatchet and hit the other guy in the head. The strange part is the victim refused to press charges so my guess is that he must have axed for it.

Question 25

Orchestra Joke

I told my son he couldn't watch the orchestra anymore and he asked why? Because there's too much sax and violins!

Question 26

What Came First?

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

Question 27

Megabyte Pun

My friend is changing his bands name to 999 Megabytes because they never got a gig.

Question 28

Elements Joke

How often do you like jokes about elements?

Question 29

Cookie Doctor Joke

When does a cookie go to see a doctor?

Question 30

Balloon Music Joke

What type of music are balloons afraid of?

The Joker

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant Joke

How Do You Spell Orange Joke.

Captain Obvious

Florist Joke

Song Composer Pun

Voting Elves Joke

Coming With The Broom

Hawaiian Pizza

Life Before A Computer Joke

Fried Chicken Joke

2000 Year Old Stain Joke

Refusing To Nap Joke

Does Anyone Know CPR?

Weight Loss Joke

Mothers Group Therapy Session Joke

Troubles To Bed

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

Walk A Mile In Their Shoes Joke

Frisbee Pun

Knock Knock Pun

Dracula Halloween Joke

A Guy Who Did Everything Right

Ghost Are Bad Liars Halloween Joke

Axe Pun

Orchestra Joke

What Came First?

Megabyte Pun

Elements Joke

Cookie Doctor Joke

Balloon Music Joke

Joke Categories

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