The Joker

Question 1

Weight Loss Joke

I'll tell you why I can't lose weight... I've got metal fillings in my teeth and the refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen.

Question 2

Diabetic Blonde

What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?

Question 3

Leather And Sounds Like A Sneeze Joke

What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

Question 4

Walk A Mile In Their Shoes Joke

Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way if you do criticize them you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

Question 5

Serving Size

I was born a boy, but according to Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, I am a family of four.

Question 6

Frisbee Pun

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger….then it hit me

Question 7

Trees Surfing The Internet

How do trees access the internet?

Question 8

Knock Knock Pun

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize.

Question 9

Halloween Skeleton Joke

How much does a skeleton weigh?

Question 10

A Guy Who Did Everything Right

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like "Brian! Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like me coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan. Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then. Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him? Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his widow"

Question 11

Axe Pun

Two guys got into a fight on the bus here yesterday and one of the guys threw a hatchet and hit the other guy in the head. The strange part is the victim refused to press charges so my guess is that he must have axed for it.

Question 12

Alien In Garden Joke

What did the alien in the garden say?

Question 13

How To Become A Millionaire

Hugh Hefner became a multi-millionaire staying home in his pajamas. I'm not having the same results.

Question 14

Bear Warning Joke

WARNING! When hiking, please take precaution and affix little bells to clothing to avoid surprising a bear. You are further advised to carry pepper spray in case of a bear encounter. Be vigilant and know the difference between bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear feces has bells in it and smells like pepper.

Question 15

Megabyte Pun

My friend is changing his bands name to 999 Megabytes because they never got a gig.

Question 16

Career Choices

As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

Question 17

Dad Bod Joke

Hey, that's not a dad bod... It's a father figure!

Question 18

Dwarf Prisoner Joke

I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall!

Question 19

Clean Mirror Job Joke

I used to have a job cleaning mirrors but I couldn't see myself doing it for a living.

Question 20

Quiet Mind

My mind is exceptionally quiet... I'm suspicious that I'm up to something I don't want myself to know about.

Question 21

Know The Lyrics

I hate when I'm singing along to a song and the artist gets the lyrics wrong...

Question 22

Don't Text And Drive

Honk if you love Jesus... text if you want to meet him!

Question 23

Strong Mountain Joke

Why can't a mountain get stronger?

Question 24

Steaks In A Bar Pun

A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender what's the deal with the meat and the bartender explains that if you jump up and slap a piece of meat you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss you have to buy drinks for everyone in the bar. So the bartender asks him if he wants to go for it. The guy tells him, "I can't, the steaks are just too high."

Question 25

Dachshund And The Cowboy Pun

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? So he could get a long little doggie.

Question 26

Irish Furniture Pun

Who is Irish and sits outside all day?

Question 27

Box Of Tampons Joke

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four "Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin. "Yeah." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you can swim, play tennis and even ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

Question 28

Thin Line Joke

There is a thin line between a numerator and a denominator... And only a fraction of people can understand that.

Question 29

Road Worker Stealing Pun

I never really wanted to believe that my friend, a road worker, was stealing from his job but when I went to his house there they were. I should have known, all the signs were right there.

Question 30

What The Difference Between A Ritz Cracker And A Lesbian Joke

What the difference between a Ritz Cracker and a lesbian?

The Joker

Weight Loss Joke

Diabetic Blonde

Leather And Sounds Like A Sneeze Joke

Walk A Mile In Their Shoes Joke

Serving Size

Frisbee Pun

Trees Surfing The Internet

Knock Knock Pun

Halloween Skeleton Joke

A Guy Who Did Everything Right

Axe Pun

Alien In Garden Joke

How To Become A Millionaire

Bear Warning Joke

Megabyte Pun

Career Choices

Dad Bod Joke

Dwarf Prisoner Joke

Clean Mirror Job Joke

Quiet Mind

Know The Lyrics

Don't Text And Drive

Strong Mountain Joke

Steaks In A Bar Pun

Dachshund And The Cowboy Pun

Irish Furniture Pun

Box Of Tampons Joke

Thin Line Joke

Road Worker Stealing Pun

What The Difference Between A Ritz Cracker And A Lesbian Joke

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