The Joker

Question 1

Toilet Paper Cross The Road Joke

Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

Question 2

Monster Dessert Joke

What is a monster's favorite dessert?

Question 3

Wear A Mask

A big nose is not an excuse to not wear a mask! I mean, I still wear underwear!

Question 4

Polar Bear Favorite Food Joke

What do polar bears like to eat?

Question 5

Inflation Joke

I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars. "Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For What?" "To buy groceries," I told him. "When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me a dollar, just one dollar, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, and can of coffee and a box of tea." He shrugged and paused. "Times have changed and you can't do that now," he told me. "Too many security cameras."

Question 6

Why Did You Marry Me?

I asked my wife why she married me. She said, "Because you are funny." I said, "I thought it was because I was good in bed." She said, "See? You are hilarious!"

Question 7

Hungary Clock Pun

What does a clock do when it gets hungry?

Question 8

Embrace Your Mistakes

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes... So, she hugged me.

Question 9

Take Off Your Bra

I spent twenty minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I've decided to give up! I wished I had never put it on now.

Question 10

How You Know When You're Old

Most people don't think I'm as old as I am until they hear me stand up.

Question 11

Exorcist Joke

If you don't pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?

Question 12

Jack And The Bean Stalk Joke

My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.

Question 13

Recount Or Else!

I just called my bank and told them that they counted wrong so I want to find $11,780 in my account by tomorrow!

Question 14

Social Distancing Joke

How long is this social distancing supposed to last? My wife keeps trying to come in the house.

Question 15

A Second Opinion

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

Question 16

Computer Password Joke

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "My penis" and the wife falls to the ground laughing, because on-screen it says, "Error, not long enough."

Question 17

Electrical Work Pun

It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.

Question 18

Air Freshener Pun

I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work, I plug it in and switch it on.. nothing!....It just doesn't make scents.

Question 19

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Question 20

Search And Rescue Joke

I heard on the news that Search and Rescue had plucked 2 stranded fishermen out of the ocean and were looking for their capsized boat. I thought, Gee, how are they ever going to find something that small.

Question 21

McDonalds Order Joke

I went to McDonald's and slammed ten bucks on the counter and said, "Surprise me! Because I never get what I ask for anyway!"

Question 22

Song Composer Pun

My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

Question 23

Lego Joke

Lego store reopens after lockdown! Folks lined up for blocks!

Question 24

Old Lady Joke

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

Question 25

Favorite Child Joke

It turns out that when you're asked who your favorite child is, you're expected to pick from you own. I know that now.

Question 26

Coming With The Broom

Husband, "Honey I broke a glass in the kitchen." Wife, "I'm coming with the broom." Husband, "It isn't urgent, you can come on foot."

Question 27

Life Before A Computer Joke

A memory was something you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider home. A virus was the flu. A cd was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy... you just hoped nobody found out.

Question 28

Sick With A Wee Cough Joke

I Called my work this morning and said, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough." He said, "You have a wee cough?" I said, "Really, Thanks boss, see you next week!"

Question 29

Old Married Couple Joke

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.' The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving!! He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Question 30

Sushi Talking To Bee's Joke

What did the sushi say to the bee?

The Joker

Toilet Paper Cross The Road Joke

Monster Dessert Joke

Wear A Mask

Polar Bear Favorite Food Joke

Inflation Joke

Why Did You Marry Me?

Hungary Clock Pun

Embrace Your Mistakes

Take Off Your Bra

How You Know When You're Old

Exorcist Joke

Jack And The Bean Stalk Joke

Recount Or Else!

Social Distancing Joke

A Second Opinion

Computer Password Joke

Electrical Work Pun

Air Freshener Pun

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

Search And Rescue Joke

McDonalds Order Joke

Song Composer Pun

Lego Joke

Old Lady Joke

Favorite Child Joke

Coming With The Broom

Life Before A Computer Joke

Sick With A Wee Cough Joke

Old Married Couple Joke

Sushi Talking To Bee's Joke

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