The Joker

Question 1

A Second Opinion

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

Question 2

Computer Password Joke

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "My penis" and the wife falls to the ground laughing, because on-screen it says, "Error, not long enough."

Question 3

Electrical Work Pun

It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.

Question 4

Rabbit With Fleas Joke

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Question 5

Air Freshener Pun

I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work, I plug it in and switch it on.. nothing!....It just doesn't make scents.

Question 6

Dogs Can't Read

Dogs can't read an MRI but CATScan!

Question 7

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Question 8

Search And Rescue Joke

I heard on the news that Search and Rescue had plucked 2 stranded fishermen out of the ocean and were looking for their capsized boat. I thought, Gee, how are they ever going to find something that small.

Question 9

McDonalds Order Joke

I went to McDonald's and slammed ten bucks on the counter and said, "Surprise me! Because I never get what I ask for anyway!"

Question 10

Lego Joke

Lego store reopens after lockdown! Folks lined up for blocks!

Question 11

Favorite Child Joke

It turns out that when you're asked who your favorite child is, you're expected to pick from you own. I know that now.

Question 12

Sick With A Wee Cough Joke

I Called my work this morning and said, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough." He said, "You have a wee cough?" I said, "Really, Thanks boss, see you next week!"

Question 13

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather passed away, Allie went straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack when we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Allie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing to strenuous, simple in wth the ding and out with the dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued. "He'd still be alive if the ice-cream truck hadn't come along."

Question 14

Old Married Couple Joke

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totalling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.' The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving!! He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?' 'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

Question 15

Butter Rumor

Have you heard the latest rumor about butter?

Question 16

Corporate Hierarchy Joke

A corporation is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a$$holes!

Question 17

Sushi Talking To Bee's Joke

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Question 18

Taking My New Girlfriend To Meet My Parents Joke

My new girlfriend and I were driving to my parents, when she got a flat tire. So, I called my parents and said, "Sorry mom, we're going to be late. My girlfriend's got a puncture." "Oh!", she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."

Question 19

Quit Drinking Joke

My doctor has given me three days to give up drinking. I've picked the 5th of June, July 17th, and October 9th!

Question 20

Killing Flies Joke

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," he replied. "Oh, killed any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males and 2 females," he answered. Intrigued the wife asked, "How can you tell them apart?" The husband replied, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone."

Question 21

David Hasselhoff Walked Into A Bar Joke

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "It's a pleasure to serve you Mr. Hasselhoff," said the bartender. "Just call me Hoff," the actor replied. "Sure," the bartender said, "no hassle."

Question 22

Shared Amazon Account Joke

What do you call a couple who share an Amazon account?

Question 23

Dirty Cockroach

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed down everything and cleaned thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Question 24

Temperature Check Joke

Don't let them take your temperature on your forehead when you enter the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went in for macaroni and cheese and came out with two cases of beer!

Question 25

Stupid And Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain... God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me... God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Question 26

Dark Spelled With A K

Why is "dark" spelled with a "K" and not a "C"?

Question 27

Elephant And Naked Man Joke

You hear what the elephant said to the naked man?

Question 28

Time Travel Joke

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke ...but you guys didn't like it.

Question 29

Hekey Pokey Joke

I was addicted to hokey pokey but I turned myself around.

Question 30

Someone Called My Phone Today, Sneezed, And Then Hung Up Joke

Someone called my phone today, sneezed, and then hung up.

The Joker

A Second Opinion

Computer Password Joke

Electrical Work Pun

Rabbit With Fleas Joke

Air Freshener Pun

Dogs Can't Read

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

Search And Rescue Joke

McDonalds Order Joke

Lego Joke

Favorite Child Joke

Sick With A Wee Cough Joke

Sunday Morning Sex

Old Married Couple Joke

Butter Rumor

Corporate Hierarchy Joke

Sushi Talking To Bee's Joke

Taking My New Girlfriend To Meet My Parents Joke

Quit Drinking Joke

Killing Flies Joke

David Hasselhoff Walked Into A Bar Joke

Shared Amazon Account Joke

Dirty Cockroach

Temperature Check Joke

Stupid And Beautiful

Dark Spelled With A K

Elephant And Naked Man Joke

Time Travel Joke

Hekey Pokey Joke

Someone Called My Phone Today, Sneezed, And Then Hung Up Joke

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