The Joker

Joke Count: 1234
Joke: Three moles had been burrowing underground when the first one says "did you smell something sweet, it smelled like candy?' The second one said he smelled something sweet but it was more like honey. The one at the back of the line told them "I smelled something but it didn't smell sweet, it smelled like mole asses!"
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Joke: A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SHIT."
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Joke: What does the sign on a closed brothel say?
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Joke: If I shook your family tree, how many nuts would fall out?
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Joke: What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
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Joke: What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?
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Joke: What does your wife and a hand grenade have in common?
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Joke: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in a pot of boiling water?
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Joke: Why did the Tweety bird go the hospital?
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Joke: What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?
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Joke: A biker was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: Because you have tried to be faithful to me and always, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want. The Lord said your request is materialistic. Think of all the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind. The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, when she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, when she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy. The Lord replied, “ do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”
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Joke: What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine's Day?
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Joke: Did you hear Christmas has been canceled? Apparently, Santa is in jail. He was caught last year laying a doll under a tree.
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Joke: Why did the two elephants decide not to go swimming together?
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Joke: What sport do horses like playing the most?
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Joke: What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
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Joke: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
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Joke: An old man is selling watermelons. His pricelist reads 1 for $3, 3 for $10. A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. "That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man. The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each. As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing." The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."
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Joke: Why are stegosauruses, such good volleyball players?
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Joke: I just told my suitcase that we're not going on vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
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Joke: What's a cats favorite color?
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Joke: "Mr. Smith, I reviewed your divorce cases very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "And, I have decided to give your wife $7500 a month." "That's very fair your honor." the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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Joke: What's a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?
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Joke: What do scientist to with dog bones?
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Joke: What do you get when you cross a dog, a flower and a vegetable?
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Joke: Rabbits jump and the live for an average of 8 years. Dog's run and they live for an average of 15 years. Turtles do nothing and can live for over 15o years... Lesson learned.
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Joke: Why did god make only one Yogi Bear?
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Joke: What happens when a frog illegally parks?
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Joke: Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
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Joke: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
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