The Joker

Question 1

Take Your Kid To Work Day Joke

An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her dad on "Take your kid to work day." As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. He father asked what was wrong with her. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly; "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?"

Question 2

Leather Pants

Research has shown that when a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats faster, his throat gets dry, and he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. Then it was discovered why... She smells like a new truck.

Question 3

Trying New Positions

Wife, "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Husband, "Excellent idea!" Wife, "Ok, you stand at the sink and wash the dishes and I'll be on the couch and watching tv."

Question 4

The Good And Bad News

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot.

Question 5

Cell Phone Joke

I just removed all the German contacts from my cell phone. It's now Hans free!

Question 6

Only One

Since there is only one of me, does that make me endangered or a limited edition?

Question 7

Little Mermaid Joke

What did the Little Mermaid wear to math class?

Question 8

Elf Car Joke

What kind of cars do elves drive?

Question 9

Corduroy Pillow Pun

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're really making headlines.

Question 10

Doctors And Lawyers Coke Joke

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians. The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes, and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said, " I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the attorney, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

Question 11

Days Of The Weak Joke

Saturday and Sunday's are the strongest days... all the rest are weak days!

Question 12

Chocolate Chewbacca

What do you call Chewbacca when he gets chocolate in his fur?

Question 13

Best Invention Joke

Out of all the inventions over the last 100 years, the dry erase board is the most remarkable.

Question 14

Pampered Cow Joke

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Question 15

Cut Lightning Joke

How do you cut lightning?

Question 16

Bowl Of Pretzels Pun

This guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're really good looking." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels and orders a beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a beer, great choice." Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!" the bartender replies "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary."

Question 17

Chemistry Joke

I like to tell chemistry jokes, but I never get a good reaction.

Question 18

Closed Brothel

What does the sign on a closed brothel say?

Question 19

Family Tree Joke

If I shook your family tree, how many nuts would fall out?

Question 20

What Did One Boat Say To The Other Boat On Valentines Day?

What did one boat say to the other?

Question 21

Iron Man Joke

Why Iron-man and not Fe-male?

Question 22

Wife And A Hand Grenade

What does your wife and a hand grenade have in common?

Question 23

Guy With No Arms And No Legs, In A Pot Of Boiling Water Joke

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in a pot of boiling water?

Question 24

Book Fell On My Head Joke

Yesterday a book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.

Question 25

Tweety Bird Hospital Joke

Why did the Tweety bird go the hospital?

Question 26

A Bridge To Hawaii Joke

A biker was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: Because you have tried to be faithful to me and always, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want. The Lord said your request is materialistic. Think of all the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind. The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, when she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, when she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy. The Lord replied, “ do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”

Question 27

Christmas Is Cancelled Joke

Did you hear Christmas has been canceled? Apparently, Santa is in jail. He was caught last year laying a doll under a tree.

Question 28

How Do You Pronounce Lafayette?

A honeymooning couple was passing through Louisiana. When they were approaching Lafayette, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they got to the town, where they decided to stop for lunch. As they stood at the counter, the man said, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us. Would you very slowly pronounce where we are?" The guy behind the corner leaned over and said, "Burrrrrrrr gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing"

Question 29

Two Elephants Swimming Joke

Why did the two elephants decide not to go swimming together?

Question 30

Horse Sport Joke

What sport do horses like playing the most?

The Joker

Take Your Kid To Work Day Joke

Leather Pants

Trying New Positions

The Good And Bad News

Cell Phone Joke

Only One

Little Mermaid Joke

Elf Car Joke

Corduroy Pillow Pun

Doctors And Lawyers Coke Joke

Days Of The Weak Joke

Chocolate Chewbacca

Best Invention Joke

Pampered Cow Joke

Cut Lightning Joke

Bowl Of Pretzels Pun

Chemistry Joke

Closed Brothel

Family Tree Joke

What Did One Boat Say To The Other Boat On Valentines Day?

Iron Man Joke

Wife And A Hand Grenade

Guy With No Arms And No Legs, In A Pot Of Boiling Water Joke

Book Fell On My Head Joke

Tweety Bird Hospital Joke

A Bridge To Hawaii Joke

Christmas Is Cancelled Joke

How Do You Pronounce Lafayette?

Two Elephants Swimming Joke

Horse Sport Joke

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