The Joker

Joke Count: 1234
Joke: Someone asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I've never heard of that kind of bacon.
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Joke: We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
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Joke: What do you call a cat that doesn't tell the truth?
Punch Line
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Joke: Where do baby fish sleep?
Punch Line
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Joke: Why do male dogs float in water?
Punch Line
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Joke: What do polar bears like to eat?
Punch Line
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Joke: Singing in the shower is all fun and game until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
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Joke: Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?
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Joke: Why don't ants get sick?
Punch Line
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Joke: My Child doesn't want to eat meat. What can I replace it with?
Punch Line
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Joke: Two Irishmen were hammering floorboards down in a house. Paddy picks up a nail, realizes it's upside down and throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says, Why are you throwing them away?" "Because, they're upside down", says Paddy. "You daft twat!", replies Murphy, "Save'em for the ceiling!"
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Joke: Why are frogs so happy?
Punch Line
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Joke: It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.
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Joke: I asked, "Alexa, what do women want?" It hasn't shut up for nine days!
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Joke: What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
Punch Line
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Joke: What do you call a rabbit that tells a good joke?
Punch Line
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Joke: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
Punch Line
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Joke: Dogs can't read an MRI but CATScan!
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Joke: Yesterday I saw a book called "How to solve 50% of your problems", so I bought two.
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Joke: I went to McDonald's and slammed ten bucks on the counter and said, "Surprise me! Because I never get what I ask for anyway!"
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Joke: Doctor: Your girlfriend Is pregnant. Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex. Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke? Guy: No I'm sure it didn't. Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story... A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts BANG at the tiger. The tiger died. Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger. Doctor: Exactly.
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Joke: I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell "orange", and you asked me the fruit or the color it kinda caught me off guard.
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Joke: Do you ever notice that when geese fly in a "V" formation, one side is always longer than the other?
Punch Line
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Joke: The first five florist I called knew nothing about carpet or tile. And suddenly I'm the idiot.
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Joke: My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.
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Joke: Where do Elves go to vote?
Punch Line
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Joke: I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.
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Joke: Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too, especially chicken, pork, and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
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Joke: I saw a 2000 years old stain... It was from ancient greece.
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Joke: I refuse to take a nap... Is that resisting a rest?
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