The Joker

Joke Count: 1228
Joke: Do you hear about the Rabbi who didn't charge for circumcisions?
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Joke: Two Irishmen saw the sign "Tree fellers wanted". The first Irishman said, "If Pat had been with us we'd have got that job."
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Joke: Funny guys are dangerous, they'll make you laugh and laugh and laugh then boom you're naked.
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Joke: Why wouldn't they let the butterfly in to the dance?
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Joke: It's the time of the year when I get to pretend the five pounds of candy I'm buying is for Trick-or-Treaters.
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Joke: What do you call a mama cow after it had its baby?
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Joke: To the lady who flipped me off when I honked at you, your phone probably isn't on top of your car anymore.
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Joke: What part of a museum has the most allergies?
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Joke: I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends... It means a lot to them!
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Joke: Lenin's tomb is a communist plot.
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Joke: Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean. One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area: Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn... He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again," Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian."
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Joke: How can you tell when someone in the room owns a Peloton Bike?
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Joke: I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
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Joke: Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
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Joke: What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
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Joke: A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.
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Joke: Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!
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Joke: What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
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Joke: Oh no! Clocks go back on November 1st. and I can't remember where I bought mine from!
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Joke: Did you hear about the big hole at the intersection in town? Police are looking into it.
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Joke: I grew up poor, you think I'm scared of limited food & a two week lock in? We called that "the end of the month" growing up.
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Joke: I was watching TV, my son was in a chair behind me reading a book. He said "dad, what does gays mean?" I got nervous, I said, "well, you know how me and your mother loves each other, its the same thing but with two men." He said "oh, ok. What does penetrating gays mean." Looking confused I said read me the sentence. He read, "She stared at her husband with a penetrating gaze".....
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Joke: Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
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Joke: A Native American goes to see a psychiatrist about some bad dreams he is having. The psychiatrist asks him to describe his nightmares and he said they are always about either wigwams or teepees. The doctor tells him he is obviously two tense.
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Joke: Be sure to bring up politics during family Thanksgiving to save on Christmas gifts.
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Joke: Did you know that people who have to wear glasses with their mask... may be entitled to condensation.
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Joke: I had to fire the guy who cut my lawn... He just didn't cut it!
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Joke: Why can't ticks keep a secret?
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Joke: I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
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Joke: I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, now I have no idea what is going on.
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