The Joker

Question 1

What Does Gays Mean?

I was watching TV, my son was in a chair behind me reading a book. He said "dad, what does gays mean?" I got nervous, I said, "well, you know how me and your mother loves each other, its the same thing but with two men." He said "oh, ok. What does penetrating gays mean." Looking confused I said read me the sentence. He read, "She stared at her husband with a penetrating gaze".....

Question 2

Lenin Tomb Pun

Lenin's tomb is a communist plot.

Question 3

Peloton Bike Joke

How can you tell when someone in the room owns a Peloton Bike?

Question 4

Sam And Ellas Diner Joke

Be careful when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner.

Question 5

Pensive Treat

Which tree is the most pensive?

Question 6

Two Irishmen Joke

Two Irishmen saw the sign "Tree fellers wanted". The first Irishman said, "If Pat had been with us we'd have got that job."

Question 7

Ghost Sailor Halloween Joke

What do you get if you cross a ghost with a sailor?

Question 8

Telling Dad Jokes

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

Question 9

Time To Go The Nursing Home

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Question 10

A Cabbie Picks Up A Nun Joke

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.

Question 11

Tom The Turkey Joke

Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!

Question 12

Chicken Salad Joke

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Question 13

Clocks Go Back

Oh no! Clocks go back on November 1st. and I can't remember where I bought mine from!

Question 14

What Part Of A Museum Has The Most Allergies?

What part of a museum has the most allergies?

Question 15

Big Hole In Intersection

Did you hear about the big hole at the intersection in town? Police are looking into it.

Question 16

Hispanic Friends

I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends... It means a lot to them!

Question 17

Separation Of Classes

I grew up poor, you think I'm scared of limited food & a two week lock in? We called that "the end of the month" growing up.

Question 18

Butterfly Dance Joke

Why wouldn't they let the butterfly in to the dance?

Question 19

When I Win The Lottery Joke

Bubba and Johnny Ray were sitting on the from porch when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by. "I'm gonna to that when I win the lottery," said Bubba. "Do What?" asked Johnny Ray. "Send my grass out to be mowed!"

Question 20

Sun Pun

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

Question 21

Once A Shark, Always A Shark Joke

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean. One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area: Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn... He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again," Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian."

Question 22

Small Lizard Joke

Why did the husband bring his wife a small lizard?

Question 23

Gardener Joke

I had to fire the guy who cut my lawn... He just didn't cut it!

Question 24

I'm Not An Alcoholic

I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Question 25

Tick Joke

Why can't ticks keep a secret?

Question 26

Plato

The Philosopher Plato once said... "I am the wisest man alive for I know one thing... and that one thing is that I know nothing." How did he know that? His wife told him.

Question 27

The Truth About Getting Old.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, now I have no idea what is going on.

Question 28

Landscape Joke

What is the funniest landscape?

Question 29

Politics At Thanksgiving

Be sure to bring up politics during family Thanksgiving to save on Christmas gifts.

Question 30

Pumpkin Math

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

The Joker

What Does Gays Mean?

Lenin Tomb Pun

Peloton Bike Joke

Sam And Ellas Diner Joke

Pensive Treat

Two Irishmen Joke

Ghost Sailor Halloween Joke

Telling Dad Jokes

Time To Go The Nursing Home

A Cabbie Picks Up A Nun Joke

Tom The Turkey Joke

Chicken Salad Joke

Clocks Go Back

What Part Of A Museum Has The Most Allergies?

Big Hole In Intersection

Hispanic Friends

Separation Of Classes

Butterfly Dance Joke

When I Win The Lottery Joke

Sun Pun

Once A Shark, Always A Shark Joke

Small Lizard Joke

Gardener Joke

I'm Not An Alcoholic

Tick Joke

Plato

The Truth About Getting Old.

Landscape Joke

Politics At Thanksgiving

Pumpkin Math

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