The Joker

Question 1

Lenin Tomb Pun

Question 2

Telling Dad Jokes

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

Question 3

Half A Potato Joke

So this guy gets a new job waiting tables and his first day he gets a difficult customer. The guy orders a half a baked potato and won't take no for an answer. The new waiter is walking into the kitchen and sees his manager says "This guy is being a real ass about only wanting a half a potato". The manager looks behind the waiter and seeing the customer standing right behind the waiter replies "you mean the customer behind you". The waiter quickly says "why no as it turns out this fine gentleman has kindly offered to purchase the other half". So after the customer leaves the boss tells the new waiter he likes the way he thinks on his feet and that there is a new assistant manager position open but it is in Canada. The new waiter says "Canada really, I like the job offer but Canada only has whores and hockey players" The boss answers "Hey my mother is from Canada!" The guy thinking quickly once again asks "really, what position did she play?"

Question 4

Sam And Ellas Diner Joke

Be careful when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner.

Question 5

Pensive Treat

Which tree is the most pensive?

Question 6

Two Irishmen Joke

Two Irishmen saw the sign "Tree fellers wanted". The first Irishman said, "If Pat had been with us we'd have got that job."

Question 7

Ghost Sailor Halloween Joke

What do you get if you cross a ghost with a sailor?

Question 8

What Does Gays Mean?

I was watching TV, my son was in a chair behind me reading a book. He said "dad, what does gays mean?" I got nervous, I said, "well, you know how me and your mother loves each other, its the same thing but with two men." He said "oh, ok. What does penetrating gays mean." Looking confused I said read me the sentence. He read, "She stared at her husband with a penetrating gaze".....

Question 9

A Cabbie Picks Up A Nun Joke

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.

Question 10

When I Win The Lottery Joke

Bubba and Johnny Ray were sitting on the from porch when a large truck hauling rolls and rolls of sod went by. "I'm gonna to that when I win the lottery," said Bubba. "Do What?" asked Johnny Ray. "Send my grass out to be mowed!"

Question 11

Time To Go The Nursing Home

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Question 12

Big Hole In Intersection

Did you hear about the big hole at the intersection in town? Police are looking into it.

Question 13

Tom The Turkey Joke

Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!

Question 14

Once A Shark, Always A Shark Joke

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean. One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area: Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten." A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn... He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again," Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian."

Question 15

Chicken Salad Joke

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Question 16

Clocks Go Back

Oh no! Clocks go back on November 1st. and I can't remember where I bought mine from!

Question 17

What Part Of A Museum Has The Most Allergies?

What part of a museum has the most allergies?

Question 18

Hispanic Friends

I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends... It means a lot to them!

Question 19

Butterfly Dance Joke

Why wouldn't they let the butterfly in to the dance?

Question 20

Sun Pun

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

Question 21

Separation Of Classes

I grew up poor, you think I'm scared of limited food & a two week lock in? We called that "the end of the month" growing up.

Question 22

Small Lizard Joke

Why did the husband bring his wife a small lizard?

Question 23

Gardener Joke

I had to fire the guy who cut my lawn... He just didn't cut it!

Question 24

I'm Not An Alcoholic

I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

Question 25

Mama Cow Joke

What do you call a mama cow after it had its baby?

Question 26

Plato

The Philosopher Plato once said... "I am the wisest man alive for I know one thing... and that one thing is that I know nothing." How did he know that? His wife told him.

Question 27

The Truth About Getting Old.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, now I have no idea what is going on.

Question 28

Landscape Joke

What is the funniest landscape?

Question 29

Politics At Thanksgiving

Be sure to bring up politics during family Thanksgiving to save on Christmas gifts.

Question 30

Pumpkin Math

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

The Joker

Lenin Tomb Pun

Telling Dad Jokes

Half A Potato Joke

Sam And Ellas Diner Joke

Pensive Treat

Two Irishmen Joke

Ghost Sailor Halloween Joke

What Does Gays Mean?

A Cabbie Picks Up A Nun Joke

When I Win The Lottery Joke

Time To Go The Nursing Home

Big Hole In Intersection

Tom The Turkey Joke

Once A Shark, Always A Shark Joke

Chicken Salad Joke

Clocks Go Back

What Part Of A Museum Has The Most Allergies?

Hispanic Friends

Butterfly Dance Joke

Sun Pun

Separation Of Classes

Small Lizard Joke

Gardener Joke

I'm Not An Alcoholic

Mama Cow Joke

Plato

The Truth About Getting Old.

Landscape Joke

Politics At Thanksgiving

Pumpkin Math

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