The Joker

Question 1

Three Trees And A Woodpecker

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech tree says to the birch tree, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever had my pecker into!"

Question 2

Big Flower Joke

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Question 3

Brain Transplant Pun

I was going to get a brain transplant...then I changed my mind.

Question 4

Time To Go The Nursing Home

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Question 5

Grandma Can't Say No

Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank Grandma!

Question 6

What Kind Of Cars Do Cats Drive Joke

What kind of cars do cats drive?

Question 7

A Gift For My Wife

Husband: I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my Grandmother. Wife: Why does it say "Do not resuscitate"?

Question 8

Butcher Overtime Joke

Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?

Question 9

Japanese Dog Hello Joke

How does a Japanese dog say hello?

Question 10

Election Joke

I'm really afraid someone is going to win this election!

Question 11

New Cuss Word

2020 should be a new cuss word like, "I don't give a 2020!"

Question 12

You Only Need Two Tools

You only need two tools in life... WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40... If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape.

Question 13

Halloween Candy Joke

It's the time of the year when I get to pretend the five pounds of candy I'm buying is for Trick-or-Treaters.

Question 14

Tequila Diet

I'm on the tequila diet. So far I've lost 2 days.

Question 15

In Which River Are You Sure To Find Snakes?

In which river are you sure to find snakes?

Question 16

Leprechaun's Garden Joke

Why do Leprechauns like to garden?

Question 17

Optometrist Music Joke

What music do optometrists listen to?

Question 18

Idiocracy President Camacho Quote #2

President Camacho: Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix everything. Congressman #1: Break it down, Camacho! President Camacho: Number 1: We've got this guy Not Sure. Number 2: He's got a higher IQ than any man alive. and Number 3: He's going to fix everything.

Question 19

Limousine Joke

I just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered the fee does not include a driver. Can't believe I spend all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!

Question 20

Elderly Newlyweds

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?'" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently," she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - "Would that be one word or two?"

Question 21

Helping A Person In Need.

I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kindhearted, or I'm too naive. Last night it was so cold out that we took a man into our home out of the kindness of our hearts. We felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold, but this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him. The last straw?!?! When I realized he had peed all over the floor! That's the “thank you” I get for being good to people?!?!?! Now I'm going to warn my friends to watch out for this man! He is heavy-set, wearing nothing but a scarf and top hat, he has a carrot-like nose, two black eyes, and his arms are stick skinny. Don't bring him into your house! What a mess he made on the floor.

Question 22

Sam And Ellas Diner Joke

Be careful when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner.

Question 23

Grease Joke

I told my therapist that I couldn't get the Grease Soundtrack out of my head.

Question 24

What's She Selling On The Beach Joke

A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing, she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks, the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife on the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said. "She's selling batteries." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the Seashore."

Question 25

Funny Guys Are Dangerous

Funny guys are dangerous, they'll make you laugh and laugh and laugh then boom you're naked.

Question 26

Frog Shoes Joke

What kind of shoes does a frog wear?

Question 27

Lenin Tomb Pun

Lenin's tomb is a communist plot.

Question 28

Peloton Bike Joke

How can you tell when someone in the room owns a Peloton Bike?

Question 29

Politics At Thanksgiving

Be sure to bring up politics during family Thanksgiving to save on Christmas gifts.

Question 30

Blind Mans Friends

Why couldn't the blind man see his friends?

The Joker

Three Trees And A Woodpecker

Big Flower Joke

Brain Transplant Pun

Time To Go The Nursing Home

Grandma Can't Say No

What Kind Of Cars Do Cats Drive Joke

A Gift For My Wife

Butcher Overtime Joke

Japanese Dog Hello Joke

Election Joke

New Cuss Word

You Only Need Two Tools

Halloween Candy Joke

Tequila Diet

In Which River Are You Sure To Find Snakes?

Leprechaun's Garden Joke

Optometrist Music Joke

Idiocracy President Camacho Quote #2

Limousine Joke

Elderly Newlyweds

Helping A Person In Need.

Sam And Ellas Diner Joke

Grease Joke

What's She Selling On The Beach Joke

Funny Guys Are Dangerous

Frog Shoes Joke

Lenin Tomb Pun

Peloton Bike Joke

Politics At Thanksgiving

Blind Mans Friends

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