The Joker

Joke: How does a mouse feel after taking a shower?

Joke: Fish bite twice a day. Before you get there and after you leave.

Joke: What exercise do sheep do everyday to stay fit?

Joke: Some people won't admit their faults. I would if I had any.

Joke: Why couldn't the pony sing?

Joke: What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?

Joke: Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

Joke: What did the horse say when it fell?

Joke: Once there was a dog who had lost his back leg in an accident. This leg was replaced with a rubber one. Unfortunately, one day he started scratching all his body with the rubber leg, and he disappeared...

Joke: Why did Beethoven get rid of all his chickens?

Joke: Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the crap out of them until the light comes on!

Joke: Why are vampires afraid of cows?

Joke: What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Joke: What is a police officer's favorite sweater?

Joke: My wife had her driving test today. She got eight out of ten. The other two jumped out of the way!

Joke: What did Batman do in the bathroom?

Joke: Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Joke: So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue-ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. ???? I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me ????) Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

Joke: My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them!

Joke: If you had to choose between eating tacos everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life - would you choose hard or soft tacos?

Joke: Once upon a time there was a king who was only twelve inches tall. He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.

Joke: Lettuce come together. Romaine Calm. This may be just the tip of the iceberg.

Joke: I’ve started my new job at the toy warehouse. There are only two of us that work on a production line for Dracula figures. I have to make every second count.

Joke: My neighbor told me he is a vegetarian.⁠.. I told him I thought that was a big missed steak.⁠

Joke: I finally realized it. People are prisoners of their phones... that's why they are called Cell Phones!

Joke: Why did the kitten smell so good?

Joke: I watch my dog chase his tail for five minutes and thought, "Wow! Dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized, I just watched my dog chase his tail for five minutes.

Joke: I'm a grown up... I groan when I get up!

Joke: When I was young, air at gas stations was free. Now they charge $1.50... That's inflation for you!

Joke: What's the difference between a pack of pigmies and a women's track team?