The Joker

Question 1

Boat Captain IRS Audit

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him. IRS Auditor asks "I need to talk with you about your employees and how much you pay them". Boat Capitan responds "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for about 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board". IRS auditor "That's fair, so who is the other guy on the boat that I see in your records. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the workaround here and only makes about $10 per week and it says you buy him a bottle of Bacardi and a twelve-pack once a week too. Also says he gets to sleep with your wife occasionally?" the IRS Auditor says "That's the guy we want to talk to". The Boat Capitan replies "That would be me, what do you to know?"

Question 2

Broken Tomato Joke

How do you fix a broken tomato?

Question 3

Gang Of Ghosts Joke

What do you call a gang of ghosts?

Question 4

Time Vs Money

The biggest difference between time and money: You always know how much money you have but you never know how much time you have.

Question 5

Use Vodka To Clean House

Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house... it worked! The more vodka I drank, the cleaner the house looked.

Question 6

Bra Joke

The biggest bra made for horses... Is the Z-bra!

Question 7

Carpentry Pun

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it, but nobody saw it.

Question 8

Looking Good

Wife, "My aerobics instructor says I've got the chest of a 23 year old!" Husband, "What did he say about your 60 year old ass?" Wife, "We never mentioned you!"

Question 9

Social Distancing Pickup Lines

1) If COVID-19 doesn't take you out can I? 2) Is that hand sanitized in you pocket or are you just happy to be within 6ft. of me? 3) Since all the public libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead. 4) You can't spell virus without U and I. 5) Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because, I can be your Prince Charmin. 6) I saw you from across the bar. Stay there. 7) Without you my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf. 8) Hey Babe! Can I ship you a drink? 9) You can't spell quarantine without "U R A Q T". 10) I really can't stay. 11) Baby it's COVID-19 outside.

Question 10

Train Worker Struck By Lightning Joke

A train worker was struck by lightning... He was a great conductor!

Question 11

An Irishman Walks Into A Bar Joke

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders 3 pints of Guinness. He then proceeds to take a sip from the first, then a sip from the second, then a sip from the third, and starts again with a sip from the first, then second, and on. The bartender asks what he was up to, and he replied "I have 2 brothers, one lives in New York and one in Sydney, and since I can’t drink with them, I order 3 pints of Guinness and take a sip in turn from each one; and they also do the same in New York and Sydney" So each day the Irishman would come into the bar, order his 3 pints of Guinness and everyone got to know his story. One day, he walks in and orders only 2 pints of Guinness… The bar goes silent. Finally, the bartender approaches him and says "On behalf of everyone at the bar, I want to extend our condolences on the passing of your brother…" The Irishman replied, "Oh, no, it’s not that!! I just gave up drinking."

Question 12

Chiropractor Joke

Does anyone remember the joke about a chiropractor I put on here about a week back?

Question 13

Lesbian And A Dinosaur

What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a dinosaur?

Question 14

Smal Valentine Joke

What do you call a small Valentine?

Question 15

Ants In Your Pants

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Question 16

Gingerbread Man Bed Joke

What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?

Question 17

Stand In The Corner If You Get Cold Joke

Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?

Question 18

Horse Named Mayo Joke

I have a horse named Mayo... Mayo neighs!

Question 19

Diet Tip

Your pants won't get to tight if you don't wear any.

Question 20

Mathematician Who Was Afraid Of Negatives Jokes

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negatives?

Question 21

Mouse Shower Joke

How does a mouse feel after taking a shower?

Question 22

When Do The Fish Bite?

Fish bite twice a day. Before you get there and after you leave.

Question 23

Sheep Exercise Joke

What exercise do sheep do everyday to stay fit?

Question 24

Artificial Intelligence

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Question 25

How To Avoid A Shark Attack

I was watching a show called "Ten ways to avoid a shark attack". I was really surprised that "Stay out of the water" wasn't #1.

Question 26

An Avocado In Church Joke

What do you call an avocado in church?

Question 27

Why Couldn't The Pony Sing?

Why couldn't the pony sing?

Question 28

Dinosaurs Floors Joke

What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?

Question 29

Dalmatian Hide And Seek Joke

Why are dalmatians bad at hide and seek?

Question 30

Time Flies Joke

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

The Joker

Boat Captain IRS Audit

Broken Tomato Joke

Gang Of Ghosts Joke

Time Vs Money

Use Vodka To Clean House

Bra Joke

Carpentry Pun

Looking Good

Social Distancing Pickup Lines

Train Worker Struck By Lightning Joke

An Irishman Walks Into A Bar Joke

Chiropractor Joke

Lesbian And A Dinosaur

Smal Valentine Joke

Ants In Your Pants

Gingerbread Man Bed Joke

Stand In The Corner If You Get Cold Joke

Horse Named Mayo Joke

Diet Tip

Mathematician Who Was Afraid Of Negatives Jokes

Mouse Shower Joke

When Do The Fish Bite?

Sheep Exercise Joke

Artificial Intelligence

How To Avoid A Shark Attack

An Avocado In Church Joke

Why Couldn't The Pony Sing?

Dinosaurs Floors Joke

Dalmatian Hide And Seek Joke

Time Flies Joke

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