The Joker

Joke: My brother mounted a dartboard on the ceiling of his man cave. This made me throw up.

Joke: A pirate goes to the doctor's and says, "I have moles on my back!" The Doctor: "It’s ok, they're benign." Pirate: "Count again! I think there be ten!"

Joke: How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur looking so good?

Joke: Why are dogs like cell phones?

Joke: Why didn't the zombie like his new house?

Joke: I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport... I do it for the kicks!

Joke: What did the Jack-O-Lantern say to the pumpkin?

Joke: How do you fix a broken tomato?

Joke: The biggest difference between time and money: You always know how much money you have but you never know how much time you have.

Joke: Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house... it worked! The more vodka I drank, the cleaner the house looked.

Joke: I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it, but nobody saw it.

Joke: 1) If COVID-19 doesn't take you out can I? 2) Is that hand sanitized in you pocket or are you just happy to be within 6ft. of me? 3) Since all the public libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead. 4) You can't spell virus without U and I. 5) Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because, I can be your Prince Charmin. 6) I saw you from across the bar. Stay there. 7) Without you my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf. 8) Hey Babe! Can I ship you a drink? 9) You can't spell quarantine without "U R A Q T". 10) I really can't stay. 11) Baby it's COVID-19 outside.

Joke: A Buddhist goes up to a hotdog vendor and says "make me one with everything".

Joke: A train worker was struck by lightning... He was a great conductor!

Joke: I like to tell chemistry jokes, but I never get a good reaction.

Joke: What do you get when you cross a lesbian and a dinosaur?

Joke: How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Joke: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?

Joke: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?

Joke: Knock, knock. Who's there? Owl. Owl who? Owl always love you!

Joke: I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.

Joke: Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negatives?

Joke: How does a mouse feel after taking a shower?

Joke: Fish bite twice a day. Before you get there and after you leave.

Joke: What exercise do sheep do everyday to stay fit?

Joke: I was watching a show called "Ten ways to avoid a shark attack". I was really surprised that "Stay out of the water" wasn't #1.

Joke: Why couldn't the pony sing?

Joke: What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?

Joke: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?

Joke: A Scotsman and his wife walk past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!" Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the hell..., I'll treat her!" So, they walked past it again.