The Joker

Joke Count: 1228
Joke: Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes, but they are a solid number two.
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Joke: For Halloween I dressed up as a screwdriver... I turned a few heads .
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Joke: The local pet store is having a free giveaway on birds today...no perches necessary.
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Joke: What kind of animal needs to wear a wig?
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Joke: The only art coming out of you is in a fart!
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Joke: Your job as a woman is to observe when your man is happy and immediately put a stop to that nonsense!
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Joke: A husband and wife are at the grocery store. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. The wife asks, "What are you doing?" He says, "The beer is on sale, 24 cans for $10." She says, "We can't afford that so put it back!" A few isles later the wife puts a $20 tube of face cream in the cart. The husband asks, "What is that for?" The wife says, "It makes my face pretty." The husband replies, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price!"
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Joke: What do kangaroos wear to work?
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Joke: Have you ever been guilty of looking at someone your own age and thinking, "Surely, I can't look that old?". I was sitting in the waiting room, for my first appointment, with my new dentist. I noticed his diploma, on the wall, which showed his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall handsome boy who had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. I thought, "Could this be the same guy a had a secret crush on way back then?" Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. The balding, gray-haired man with a deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he attended my high school. "Yes. Yes, I did." he beamed with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "1959, why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit old son-of-a-gun asked, "What class did you teach?"
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Joke: When it rains do tall people get wet first?
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Joke: If George is 68 and his girlfriend is 22, how much money does George have?
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Joke: How does Moses make his coffee?
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Joke: Nine out of Ten husbands agreed that their wives are always right... The 10th husband hasn't been seen since the study was conducted.
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Joke: What the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with his wife?
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Joke: What’s the name of the fattest knight at the Round Table?
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Joke: What's a skeleton's favorite thing to order at a restaruant?
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Joke: Why don’t zombies care about looks?
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Joke: My friend has a trophy wife... Apparently, he didn't get first place.
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Joke: A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
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Joke: I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.
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Joke: At the age of 65 my grandma started walking 5 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is.
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Joke: I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said, "Remove cap and push up bottom." Now I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely!
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Joke: We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius but...
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Joke: What is a gust of wind's favorite color?
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Joke: Ate two cans of Alphabet Soup. Had a terrible vowel movement.
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Joke: Lance is a common name these days, but in medieval times, people were named Lance a lot.
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Joke: A neighbor suggested I put manure on my strawberries. Tasted horrible! I'm sticking with whipped cream!
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Joke: Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands... No canaries there either.
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Joke: Just read the CEO of IKEA was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.
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Joke: What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?
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