The Joker

Joke: An Epidemiologist, an ICU doctor and a scientist walk into a bar...

Joke: Your job as a woman is to observe when your man is happy and immediately put a stop to that nonsense!

Joke: Why do crabs never give to charity?

Joke: I feel bad for parents nowadays. You have to be able to explain the birds and the bees... The bees & the bees... The birds and the birds... The birds that used to be bees... The bees that used to be birds... The birds that look like bees... Plus bees that look like birds but still got a stinger!

Joke: When it rains do tall people get wet first?

Joke: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

Joke: What do kangaroos wear to work?

Joke: What kind of animal needs to wear a wig?

Joke: Thinking a face mask is going to stop Corona Virus is like thinking you underwear will stop a fart.

Joke: A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Joke: My uncle asked me what does IDK mean? I said, "I Don't Know". He said, "Damn, nobody does!"

Joke: How does Moses make his coffee?

Joke: The reason you can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom is because the pee is silent.

Joke: What’s the name of the fattest knight at the Round Table?

Joke: A husband and wife are at the grocery store. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. The wife asks, "What are you doing?" He says, "The beer is on sale, 24 cans for $10." She says, "We can't afford that so put it back!" A few isles later the wife puts a $20 tube of face cream in the cart. The husband asks, "What is that for?" The wife says, "It makes my face pretty." The husband replies, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price!"

Joke: What's a skeleton's favorite thing to order at a restaruant?

Joke: Why don’t zombies care about looks?

Joke: I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

Joke: Dumb and Nobody are best friends. One day they decide to go for a bike ride. They start riding their bikes. Suddenly Nobody falls off his bike. Dumb calls the police and says: OH MY GOD!! Nobody fell off a bike!!! Police lady: What the heck? Are you dumb?

Joke: What is the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man arguing with his wife?

Joke: A German Shepherd, a Doberman and a cat died. In heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in. The German Shepherd said, "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my master." "Good!" said God. "Sit at my right side." "Doberman, what do you believe in?" asked God. The doberman answered, "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master." "Aha," said God. "You may sit to my left." Then God looked at the cat and asked "And what do you believe in?" The cat replied, "I believe you're sitting in my seat."

Joke: What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

Joke: If George is 68 and his girlfriend is 22, how much money does George have?

Joke: The only art coming out of you is in a fart!

Joke: Have you ever been guilty of looking at someone your own age and thinking, "Surely, I can't look that old?". I was sitting in the waiting room, for my first appointment, with my new dentist. I noticed his diploma, on the wall, which showed his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall handsome boy who had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. I thought, "Could this be the same guy a had a secret crush on way back then?" Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. The balding, gray-haired man with a deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he attended my high school. "Yes. Yes, I did." he beamed with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "1959, why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit old son-of-a-gun asked, "What class did you teach?"

Joke: Where do football players go to get a new uniform?

Joke: How much does a pirate pay for corn?

Joke: So this guy asked his blond girlfriend what was her password and she told him it was "mickeyminniedonaldgoofyhueydueylouieplutohonolulu". When he asked her why she had such a long password she just rolled her eyes and said "hello! it does have to be at least eight characters and include a capital too!"

Joke: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

Joke: Lance is a common name these days, but in medieval times, people were named Lance a lot.